To think my DH should have eaten the dinner I cooked

[Rosebyanothername19]

I wfh full time and have to juggle picking up DC and taking to after school clubs etc. So don't have a huge amount of time for shopping/cooking delicious home made meals from scratch.

I managed to do a quick weekly shop the other day but was running out of ideas for dinners and grabbed a packet of something on offer that you just chuck all the ingredients in a bag and cook so it's nice and easy to prep and I can leave cooking while I do other stuff. We have had a couple in the past and my DH has said he didn't really like them, but this was was more Italian based which we eat a lot of so hoped it would be OK.

So tonight he sits down to dinner and just pulled a face and said I'm not eating this. I'll just make a sandwich. This caused my DC to say I don't want it either!

I managed to convince my DC to eat it and they enjoyed it, but my DH just sat there with a full plate and a face on.

I've gone to take DC to bed and he has gone to the shop to buy a pizza.

AIBU: I shouldn't have cooked it if there was a chance he wouldn't like it, forcing him to get his own dinner

Or

NBU: He should have eaten it and said maybe don't get that again?

But he didn't know he didn't like it, he just hadn't much liked similar dishes.

And in any case, if someone has cooked for you, for just bloody eat it (unless it is actually inedible). Be grateful that you've got food on your plate.

OP's DH needs a kick up the bum, frankly

You accommodated his tastes by choosing something Italian that he would normally like. He acted like a child, and in doing so triggered your child to act like a child.

YANBU. He should have tried it, eaten it if he could manage, and then said quietly later, that wasn't for me, can we not have that again?

I just struggle fitting in my full time job around everything and being expected to do the house chores on top because I'm at home rather than out in an office.

Expected by whom? The Lord and master? He’s home at 4/5pm so there’s no excuse. He does 50% of cooking and chores. And then you can turn your nose up at his spam fritters.

It's not as simple as set it at the start and that's you for life, though.

The husband may well not have revealed his rudeness and childishness right away.
My PDP and I are nothing like this couple sounds (thank God) and we did always have the same views on many things (funnily enough including the 'if I cook, you jolly well eat it' approach to food). But over the years we've both shown parts of ourselves that weren't obvious immediately (not deliberately, it's just how it happens). And things like work – who's busiest/working furthest away etc – and health – I have a chronic condition that means sometimes I cannot face stirring a pot or scrubbing potatoes – change over time too.

In short, there's no point tutting at the OP for not having got her DH's problems/approaches/manners all listed and noted the moment they decided to go in together. On an ongoing basis, he should be basically respectful and grown-up and pull his weight, without having to be told.

Bolo appears at least ast once a week in our house as can shove a load of frozen veggies in slow cooker with mince, tin toms etc and it's ready. Then left overs get turned into lasagne

It’s not about whether or not he eats it.
It’s about telling you off in front of the children.
He eats what he wants.
He could have made himself a sand and come back to the table without making that comment.

By the way it might make sense to suggest that you take turns cooking dinner.

Of course, everyone changes as they mature and develop and relationships evolve, doesn't make it any less important to really get to know someone before committing and the onus is on both parties to continue to communicate and make their boundaries clear throughout and they will get through the changes, or decide to part ways.

Dropping hints of how unhappy she is in protest of how the relationship is developing overtime is not in the OPs best interests, and damaging for her children. Of course he appears to be out of order from OPs side of the story, but telling her that doesn't do anything to help her move forward. If she doesn't communicate the issue nothing is going to change, she will continue to resent him and the children will continue to be stuck in a cold war zone.

Yeah, no, it's hard for me to imagine how exactly you can 'really get to know someone' to the extent of knowing that they're going to behave like a sulky child if they're served a dinner they don't much fancy.
I don't disagree that the OP needs to change something, though. But I think she needs to change something by saying 'Eat what I serve after a long tough day – or at least don't encourage the kids to fuss about food – or do some fucking shopping and cooking yourself.'

I do think it was a bit silly to get something you know he doesn’t like. Still they do say if you want a job done properly do it yourself…

She didn't know he didn't like it.

I had to work very hard not to put that in all caps.

Spam fritters! That made laugh out loud!😂 😂 😂 Excellent!

But you are absolutely right.

Are his long work hours a ploy to avoid doing his fair share of chores?

I think he should have said « I’ll just grab a sandwich this evo because those bag things aren’t my cup of tea »

Or « I’m not feeling the chicken I’ll grab something later ».

He is an adult he can choose what he eats. But he could have been more polite.

He sounds a bit of a dick tbh, he would hate living in my house as no sign lf delicious home cooked from scratch meals. If I'm cooking something that other half is iffy with I just warn in him in advance that he can get something else for him.

He behaved like a petulant child. Sitting with a face on indeed 🙄He should have at least tried it and if he didn't like it could have been way less rude. I would be having words if I was you. I expect better from an adult.

I voted YANBU but I also wouldn't have eaten it and had a face on so I'm a hypocrite!

Your DH set a bad example to DC and should have been aware of that and either eaten the food or said something on the lines of 'I'm not hungry, I'll eat it later' and removed himself. Made himself something else after DC gone to bed. However, you did cook something you knew he probably wouldn't like. Maybe your work life balance is out? Unless your job is super-duper high-flyer you might be happier prioritizing things that do matter (presume DC and DH) over it without compromising ability to earn?

He was being a baby and a poor example to your child to not even try it and sit and sulk.

He sounds pretty selfish to me, it’s draining trying to come up dinner ideas all time. He should have at least tried it as he’s not 10 years old…

And going out to buy a pizza is pretty rude tbh, I guess he can shout you all a pizza next week to take the pressure off you!

It sounds really nice! We are all
quite adventurous eaters (no food issues/ phobias or anything), so his reaction would horrify me. He could have at least tried it instead of acting like a toddler in front of impressionable children. We can’t all eat our favourite meal every night. At the very least he could have eaten a bit and said he was full and then sorted something else once the children were in bed.

This is fabulous, I had no idea this is an option. So you can get someone to decide what to cook, organise it and cook it, you then decide if you like the look of it. If not, regardless of anyone else, you complain about it, sulk, then you get to buy whatever you want? No constraints on time, budget or not being able to go to the shops as you have kids in bed? Where do I sign up?!

Or do I need a penis?

Maybe her work life balance is out?

Am I understanding you correctly? You think that, rather than the husband start taking an active role in parenting and house keeping, OP needs to work less and prioritise her husband and children more? Is that what you’re saying?

Not only that, if you pout about the meal it means you don't have to do the washing up. Sounds like a good deal to me!

id Suggest that

1. you refuse to cook him meals until he commits to cook at least a few days a week
2. that you sit down and write out a rolling 8 week menu including lunches and breakfast if needed. Yep, it takes time but once done will serve you for years to come with a few swap in and outs for new favourites and seasonality. 8 weeks is about right for people to look forward to something and not feel it’s all the same week in and week out.
3. you and he split the chore of shopping with other domestic chores. With a pre written menu shopping becomes easier, cheaper and you can even come up with the shopping list for each week and then save it for next time that week comes around so you don’t have to figure out what you need again
4. no more “what’s for tea”…it’s there on the fridge (or wherever) for everyone to see and him to know what he’s buying at supermarket and what he’s cooking on his allocated cooking days that week. Kids will learn that they don’t ask mum what’s for tea- they read the menu ! You off load that horrible domestic labour of thinking what to make for tea at end of a long hard day and all the resentment of everyone assuming it’s your”job”
5. and as kids get older, involve them in cooking asap…at 3 they can break up mushrooms or leafy stuff, wash veg, smell the herbs and spices and help decide what is best in that dish. Help you stir stuff . Then progress onto them chopping softer veg. By 9 both my ds could cook decent pasta dishes or chili type things, with adult on hand re knives and flames. By 12 we left them to it. They experimented by then and were not adverse to criticising how me and their dad would make a dish - we raised monster chefs🤷🏼‍♀️🤣🤣🤣. Involving kids also helps them take control of their eating and less likely to be faddy. And it’s a pleasure for mum AND dad to get a night off from cooking once a fortnight in the longer term. I miss their cooking now they’ve left home!

really, pre-prepared Rolling menu is only way to rid you of this emotional labour once and for all.

Hell would freeze over before I lifted a knife and fork to a fish pie or curry
I already know I wouldn’t like it

the division of household task is a completely different issue

if he’s not pulling his weight then sort it it’s not a green light to force him to eat something he doesn’t want