Page 11 | To think my DH should have eaten the dinner I cooked

Rosebyanothername19 · 2024-03-06T20:27:36+00:00

I wfh full time and have to juggle picking up DC and taking to after school clubs etc. So don't have a huge amount of time for shopping/cooking delicious home made meals from scratch. I managed to do a quick weekly shop the other day but was running out of ideas for dinners and grabbed a packet of something on offer that you just chuck all the ingredients in a bag and cook so it's nice and easy to prep and I can leave cooking while I do other stuff. We have had a couple in the past and my DH has said he didn't really like them, but this was was more Italian based which we eat a lot of so hoped it would be OK. So tonight he sits down to dinner and just pulled a face and said I'm not eating this. I'll just make a sandwich. This caused my DC to say I don't want it either! I managed to convince my DC to eat it and they enjoyed it, but my DH just sat there with a full plate and a face on. I've gone to take DC to bed and he has gone to the shop to buy a pizza. AIBU: I shouldn't have cooked it if there was a chance he wouldn't like it, forcing him to get his own dinner Or NBU: He should have eaten it and said maybe don't get that again?

Toastcrumbsinsofa · 08/03/2024 11:12

He was rude. I’d be telling him he has to do the food shopping, meal planning and cooking from now on because you’ve had enough of his disrespectful attitude.

Daisyblue77 · 08/03/2024 11:13

So he does nothing at all if his share of cooking , childcare and house stuff. Time for - a change, you are also working full time

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/03/2024 11:14

MarkWithaC · 08/03/2024 11:11

OP says it was 'Mediterranean chicken with peppers, courgette and carrots done in the bag (so juicy - if you get my meaning) with Cous cous'

I mean, even if that's not your favourite thing in the world or the best ever version of it, it's hardly offensive, is it.

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Thank you.

I did find that after I'd posted (should have read all of OP's posts first) but appreciate you taking the time to tell me (and not tell me off! 😁)

It sounded OK to me.

But then, I'm both a woman and the main cook in the Viper household - if anyone cooks me a meal I'm just so glad I haven't had to prepare it myself that I scoff the lot! 😄

Daisyblue77 · 08/03/2024 11:16

Its his rudeness , attitude and expecting her to do basically everything plus a full time job thats the problem

MarkWithaC · 08/03/2024 11:16

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/03/2024 11:14

Thank you.

I did find that after I'd posted (should have read all of OP's posts first) but appreciate you taking the time to tell me (and not tell me off! 😁)

It sounded OK to me.

But then, I'm both a woman and the main cook in the Viper household - if anyone cooks me a meal I'm just so glad I haven't had to prepare it myself that I scoff the lot! 😄

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Me too. Also, I was brought up not to fuss about food. I have about two things I really really don't want to eat, but would still eat some/eat the rest of the meal if someone served them to me. Although one of them (raw fish) is highly unlikely to get served up, in my circles anyway!

Daisyblue77 · 08/03/2024 11:19

KestrelMoon · 06/03/2024 21:07

Oh. I don’t much buy into the gratitude thing a me bob. It’s a slippery slope because it gets into a score keeping row and who should be on their knees thanking the other. Partnerships that are equal shouldn’t need partners to fake gratitude for something they do not like.

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But its not equal. She does everything

SuffocatingSilence · 08/03/2024 11:22

SwingTheMonkey · 08/03/2024 10:53

A lot of these responses are wild.

This man-child does none of the parenting, housework, shopping or cooking and sits in his office until ‘mummy’ calls him for his tea, only to make a face about what she’s cooked and then refuses to tidy up afterwards because he’s so cross with her… And people’s response to that is that it’s op’s fault for cooking him something he doesn’t like or to give suggestions of how she could do better?

Did people miss the part where the man is a shit partner and does nothing to help? Has my Time Machine worked?! Are we back in the 1950s?

Yep.

And nobody is saying she should force him to eat. The women on here who are not subservient doormats, are simply saying that he should not have reacted with such petulance and rudeness and he needs to play an equal role in the home.

The handmaidens berating her for daring to give Him a meal he disliked are an embarrassment and are letting women everywhere down.

Twiglets1 · 08/03/2024 11:41

MarkWithaC · 08/03/2024 11:11

OP says it was 'Mediterranean chicken with peppers, courgette and carrots done in the bag (so juicy - if you get my meaning) with Cous cous'

I mean, even if that's not your favourite thing in the world or the best ever version of it, it's hardly offensive, is it.

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No, I’d be perfectly happy if my husband bought this for dinner. He does most of the cooking in our household.

mydamnfootstuckinthedoor · 08/03/2024 11:45

He's an adult - you can't make him eat up his dinner if he docent want it! It's not as if he expected to make him something else!

Abeona · 08/03/2024 11:49

s4usagefingers · 08/03/2024 10:39

My husband is a fanny when it comes to food so I no longer choose what to eat and let him do it all. He is fussy to the point where he will not eat something one day and then the next day he will enjoy it. There will be a (made up) reason why he enjoys it one day and not the other (ie. The potato was cooked then reheated and he can’t eat reheated potato). He cuts bits off his meat where there’s “fat” so that most of it goes in the bin. It’s exhausting. YABU, he needs to grow up.

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I don't think I've ever said this before but Leave the Bastard!

I can't understand how anyone who enjoys food could find a fussy eater attractive enough to live with. Let them pair up with a compatible fussy eater and be fussy together. Anyone who loves decent food and gets together with a fussy or phobic eater is signing up for misery and resentment. It turns every meal into a potential battleground and as OP has shown it requires one partner to have to subjugate themselves to the other's whims.

THisbackwithavengeance · 08/03/2024 12:07

God, it's chicken with veg and couscous with a bit of Italian flavouring. And some posters on this thread sympathising with the DH and acting like the OP dished up a shit sandwich.

I wouldn't cook for him again. He can sort himself out

Pumpkinpie1 · 08/03/2024 12:10

He needs to share the cooking and meal planning.
You need a serious conversation with the ManChild.Food is too expensive to waste

trubones · 08/03/2024 12:14

FFS bunch of kids on this thread "oh I couldn't eat what I don't like" "oh I have food trauma from childhood" I didn't even get fed half the time, being given any food even if it wasn't my favourite was a bloody bonus. We have a rule in our house, as long as it is edible we eat at least half of it. Can't cater for everyone all the time.

Ahugga · 08/03/2024 12:27

God I wouldn't even put up with that behavior from my children.
Not everything is going to be everyone's favorite meal, but there's absolutely no excuse for being so rude and ungrateful and settling such a bad example to the kids. It's chicken and vegetables for goodness sake, take a few bites, say thanks, excuse yourself politely and fill up on something else later. Man child.

Outliers · 08/03/2024 12:34

I don't get the big deal.

He previously expressed he didn't like it. And you're surprised he still doesn't like it?

BungleandGeorge · 08/03/2024 12:36

Some people are much more sensitive eaters than others. Whilst I’d eat almost anything cooked for me I wouldn’t expect anyone to eat anything they didn’t like or want. Those sweat in the bag things all have a bit of a same taste and specific texture and I can understand why he didn’t want it having told you twice he didn’t like them. However as the one cooking you’re at liberty to cook what you like and keep it low maintenance and he can sort himself. The issue is really that he appears to think you’re his servant and your purpose is to cook his favourite meals every night despite you working full time? For that I think he deserved to wear his dinner!

JassyRadlett · 08/03/2024 12:39

Rosebyanothername19 · 06/03/2024 20:58

He leaves at 7am gets back at 4/5pm then works a bit more until dinner and then a bit more while I'm putting them to bed.

I just struggle fitting in my full time job around everything and being expected to do the house chores on top because I'm at home rather than out in an office.

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Ok that is 100% not on. DH and I both regularly have to work in the evenings, but it doesn't give us an opt out from family life.

Normal people come home, if one's cooking the other one is tidying/helping with homework or reading/spending time with the kids, and then bedtime is either shared or alternated. And then work that needs doing gets done AFTER the kids are in bed (or if it's the other parent's work for bedtime).

Crap parents and partners hide away doing "work" while the other parent gets all the jobs done, to maximise their free time after kids are in bed.

BronwenTheBrave · 08/03/2024 12:58

Rosebyanothername19 · 06/03/2024 20:51

It was Mediterranean chicken with peppers, courgette and carrots done in the bag (so juicy - if you get my meaning) with Cous cous

Nothing terribly outrageous!

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To be honest, it sounds horrible to me. I would hope my DP would never cook something like that, and I certainly wouldn’t eat it if they did. Your DP could have been more polite about it, but I don’t blame him for turning it down.

paddlinglikecrazy · 08/03/2024 13:00

So rude.
Next shop, fill a fridge shelf with pizzas and cook only proper meals for yourself and DC going forward. When he says he’s hungry point him to his shelf of pizzas.
At least you know he likes them 👍

Blanketpolicy · 08/03/2024 13:00

How can a couple be with each other long enough to be married and have kids, but don't know each others general food tastes.

It does sound like you picked up something you knew he probably wouldn't like based on previous experience with chicken in bag, but didn't care because you/the kids ate it, didn't even mention it before putting it down in front of him. Also very strange he didn't ask "what's for dinner" while it was cooking.

dh and I have some meals one or the other of us doesn't like, but we still have but we do this thing called communicating - you should try it. He knows I am not keen on burgers, but he and ds like them, so we will discuss, he will make them for ds and I'll sort something else out for myself. I know he likes pasta but is not keen on pasta bake type things (regardless of flavour). No biggie.

I suspect you resent doing the mental load of choosing food and doing most of the cooking and this is your way of making a point. Would be much better if you dealt with the problem directly instead of letting it gnaw away at you and resulting in you taking it out on each other in front of the kids.

MarkWithaC · 08/03/2024 13:07

Blanketpolicy · 08/03/2024 13:00

How can a couple be with each other long enough to be married and have kids, but don't know each others general food tastes.

It does sound like you picked up something you knew he probably wouldn't like based on previous experience with chicken in bag, but didn't care because you/the kids ate it, didn't even mention it before putting it down in front of him. Also very strange he didn't ask "what's for dinner" while it was cooking.

dh and I have some meals one or the other of us doesn't like, but we still have but we do this thing called communicating - you should try it. He knows I am not keen on burgers, but he and ds like them, so we will discuss, he will make them for ds and I'll sort something else out for myself. I know he likes pasta but is not keen on pasta bake type things (regardless of flavour). No biggie.

I suspect you resent doing the mental load of choosing food and doing most of the cooking and this is your way of making a point. Would be much better if you dealt with the problem directly instead of letting it gnaw away at you and resulting in you taking it out on each other in front of the kids.

Damn right she resents the mental load. I would too.
What would really be 'much better' would be if the husband here 'dealt with the problem' by coming out of his oh-so-important office sometimes and doing his share of parenting, food shopping, cooking and general thinking.

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/03/2024 13:07

He shouldn’t have to force down a meal
he doesn’t like just to set a good example for the kids

ThanksItHasPockets · 08/03/2024 13:11

You have a DH problem - if he wants to be fussy then he needs to step up and make a genuine contribution to meal planning and catering.

However, in the short term I think you would find a recipe box like Gousto or Hello Fresh life-changing.

Ahugga · 08/03/2024 13:13

MarkWithaC · 08/03/2024 13:07

Damn right she resents the mental load. I would too.
What would really be 'much better' would be if the husband here 'dealt with the problem' by coming out of his oh-so-important office sometimes and doing his share of parenting, food shopping, cooking and general thinking.

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Exactly. I do all the cooking in my house too (not a complaint, I love to cook). But that means as well as considering what everyone else likes, sometimes I cook what I want. You want me add negotiations into every meal time as well? Absolutely not. You want every meal to be your favorite, you can very well come home in time to cook.

Blanketpolicy · 08/03/2024 13:13

MarkWithaC · 08/03/2024 13:07

Damn right she resents the mental load. I would too.
What would really be 'much better' would be if the husband here 'dealt with the problem' by coming out of his oh-so-important office sometimes and doing his share of parenting, food shopping, cooking and general thinking.

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Which is why it is so important to get the measure of a person you are going to commit to, maintain your boundaries and keep communication ongoing. Do not tolerate the mental load, but also do not get into a situation you are not happy with in the first place then make feeble hints it is a problem, deal with it directly.

It takes two to set the dynamic of a relationship.