DH's scruffy friend

[ScruffinessIsContagious]

Mostly lighthearted but I'm also curious.

For the past 6+ years, we’ve been a group of 5. A few months ago, one of DH’s childhood mates came back to oz after spending a couple of years abroad, and we’ve since been a band of 6. We all just got back from a week-long city break, and looking through the photos, her scruffiness is apparent and it actually really bothers me. I know the reasons definitely aren’t financial so I was wondering why.

Her “uniform” (even when not on vacation) consists of chino shorts, oversized tees, and sandals. That’s it. She wore that to museums, walks around the city, fancy cafes, and even restaurants??!! I’m not a fashionista but surely there’s a time and place for a nice dress, some slim-fit trousers and a fitted top, or even a button-down linen shirt to go with her shorts? She’s very slim so surely it’s easy to find clothes that fit? Saw her after work once and she wore a tee, oversized “parachute trousers”, and huge sneakers so it’s not just us she doesn’t smarten up for!

AIBU to wonder why someone would choose to be like that?

This is one of those things I don’t get about fellow women. If someone looks a certain way, how does that annoy you?

Like women who look down on women who don’t do anything with their hair, don’t wear makeup, don’t wear the right things.. why does this cause disgust?

Because they endure all the "right things woman should do" and any deviation from the norm or the "should" is always seen as attack on the norm. In reality non conforming women just want to live their life in comfy clothes and in their tempo.
Men have similar with their norms.

I choose to dress in the scruffiest clothes I can find. I do this because I'm very very very gorgeous and need a way to tone down my beauty. If I didn't, when I reconnected with my old married male friends, they'd be awestruck at the very sight of me, and their wives would feel insecure and jealous, knowing that even their finest capri pants were no match for my baggy combats, and at any moment I'd be at risk of them declaring their love behind the display of 16th century china in the national museum of Brussels.
Could this be it OP?

In some cases, the logic appears to be a matter of 'I go to all this work to present myself in an appropriate manner, and I resent the fact that you don't because it makes me realise that this is not compulsory, it's a choice to remove my body hair, wear 'flattering' clothes and commit to a strict schedule of getting my roots done'.

I used to notice something similar when I was happily childfree in my mid-30s, and a vocal minority of people, usually women, that I met at neighbours' parties and such occasions, would be appalled by this, because my life looked too easy. (When I did have a child aged 39, the same people told me I needed to have another immediately because having one child 'was selfish', I assume again because my life looked too easy with childcare and food bills for a single child, and it made them think about why precisely they had three children.

Well your "better" clothing choices don't cover the fact that you're not a nice person.

FYI @ScruffinessIsContagious this is on twitter...

you're not doing very well in the comments there either

She sounds fabulous, a woman happy in her own skin, no need for designer labels and expensive hairstyles to try to impress others.

She sounds secure and confident in her own choices
You not so much

Some people don’t care for clothes that much or prefer to be comfortable. Does it matter, as long as someone’s clean then it shouldn’t worry you.

Most of my clothes are like that, its what I enjoy wearing, its a fashion I enjoy and its comfortable. A lot of men wear the exact same thing, jeans/chinos/shorts and t-shirts with no comment made.

This is absolutely it. See 'model off-duty uniform', worn entirely to ward off the jealous glares of passing civilian women, otherwise they would fall upon you and rip you asunder.

And in fairness the nook behind the 16thc china in the national museum of Brussels would give anyone the horn...

If a persons clothing is clean & appropriate (ie covers private bits) then it's fine.
Perhaps use your energy to think why it bothers you that she seems so happy in her skin / basic yet just fine clothing?

My best friend dresses very similar and I not only couldn’t care less but I don’t even notice what’s she’s got on as it’s her company I’m focusing on. You sound insufferable.

Remember those women who told other women what to wear or what not to wear, I can't quite recall. Trinny and Susannah. Well one had a disastrous marriage and the other was an alcoholic. I'm not saying for one moment that OP is like that, but scratch the surface of a woman who constantly undermines what other women look like, and you'll find an unhappy insecure being with multiple hang-ups. I know which one of you and your 'friend' I'd like to hang out with, that's for sure.

You sound jealous

Scruffy and still pretty he ?
Maybe she does not know the trendy Aussie brands ? Is the hot weather tricky for her and it's her way of accomodating to temperature ? Who knows ? Did you ask her about her wardrobe ? Because asking us looks like bitching more then anything... More seriously have a quiet talk with her, if everyone is talking behind her back, that's not cool.

Mostly lighthearted

😆

I had a whiff, I am not the only one 😂😂😂

The heady combination of my besandled feet, and ancient Ming.

I knew and worked with someone who was also a friend, we went out, and she only wore v neck wool sweaters and black trousers, whenever we went out to nice London bars. I wasn't that bothered after a while, maybe she was trying to save money? Our other friend who was quite glam, bought her a top from Ted Baker and a dress from Coast (one for her birthday, one for a 'treat') and both weren't this friend's style.

We then saw pics of her on FB doing her hobby which is Latin American ballroom dancing and our jaws dropped, she was fake tanned and in a short, skimpy, satin/silk embellished dress, loads of photos of her in similar outfits. Obviously that was when she got glammed up. I did sort of wonder why occasionally didn't have a more glam top for when she came out with out but that wasn't her thing so...

Grandma..? This is awfully confusing, I thought you died in 2004?

you ever think maybe she likes what she wears??? maybe she has no dress sense. Judgmental bitches are the ones that care how someone dresses, If her clothes are clean then wtf is the problem.

I wish bookies took bets on whether OPs will return to MN threads. I’d have made a killing by now.

It’s obviously not a genuine thread, but the only time I’d ever be bothered about what someone else was wearing was if we were going to an event/venue with a dress code and they’d deliberately ignored it. (By that I mean something where you actually wouldn’t be admitted if you didn’t meet the code, not just where you might look a bit out of place.)

Are you worried your husband finds her more attractive than you @ScruffinessIsContagious ?

@HotChocolateNotCocoa

I wish bookies took bets on whether OPs will return to MN threads. I’d have made a killing by now.

no you wouldnt. The odds would have been appalling!