Fleeting comments that still sting years later

[HoorayFriday]

I was early 30's and single. Dating, but having zero luck and wondering if I'd die alone at the bottom of the stairs with my cat eating my big toe.

I confided in my best friend at the time, I was feeling low about myself and sad. Fed up of the dating world.

She said, her partner had told her that "if I lost a bit of weight I could have anyone I wanted".

Was it a back handed compliment? Meant to hurt me? Meant to make me feel better? Why would she say that? I had no idea.

Years later, it still pops up in my head like that unexpected morning pimple.

I've always carried a few extra pounds, I love my food! But, I was by no means what you'd describe as "big".

Anyway, it stung. A lot. And certainly didn't make me feel better.

It made me wonder if anyone else had a carefree passing comment, that probably meant nothing to the person who said it, yet hit you to the core and stayed with you years later?

I never wear a lot of make up as I heard a group of girls saying I looked like a man in drag.I'm quite tall and people used to say "Don't you look like your Dad" So it cut deep 😬

An ex said my teeth were 'goofy'. An older male relative said I was red-faced and messy-looking (I was about 12.) Fleeting comments, but intended to hurt. They were crueller to other people.

Now I'm older, I know they were two of the saddest, most pathetic people I have ever met. Both alcoholics, who never said a kind thing about anyone. Just foul and rotten at heart.

How would being called ugly/unattractive NOT be hurtful?

I really do hope the sharing on this thread helps people properly realise that this is ALL to do with the person making the hurtful comment and their personal issues, jealousy, low self esteem or nastiness, and NOTHING to do with the people receiving them. I feel so sad reading how affected people have been.

"Freckles are a sign of beauty" at 13 you want to be pretty, not have signs of beauty (whatever that means)

In an A-Level class discussing demeaning language, I commented that I would regard "babe" as belittling. Cue gales of uncontrollable laughter from a boy I fancied who eventually said "as if...."

I've never forgotten it. I do have a face like a bag of spanners to be fair.

A teenage boyfriend said I had trees like tree trunk. I only started wearing shorts to Go Out of The House around late 40's. I suddenly thought if anyone looks at my legs and doesn't like what they see they don't have to look again! I wanted to be cool in the summer. I was sick of boiling in jeans.

A teacher said I was bright but had no common sense. This has informed my whole life ever since and I know now has been very damaging. I now know she was wrong and a bitch for saying it.

I was fat for a long time. There is no need for a nasty comment at all but I do wish people had been more honest about how I looked because honestly I didn’t think I had a problem. But I definitely did.

When I was about 10, 60+ years ago, I was in a concert or whatever and we had to have some make-up on. The woman doing mine commented Oh, it's nice to have a decent sized nose to work on instead of all those tiny button noses!

You should go in with bags from a rival shop, go all pretty woman on her. "Big mistake" 🤣

After confiding in my Sister how low I was feeling, she said ‘If I was you I would hate myself too’.

On my wedding day I had arrived slightly early, which I was thankful for because it was a long drive and I was worried about timings. And I’m usually disorganised so live with the stress of being where I’m supposed to be and not letting people down.

But the venue staff made me wait ages to go in so I was ‘traditionally late’. (There was another wedding party using a different part of the building so with hindsight I suspect it was actually down to logistics). At the reception I had many, many comments on how they wondered what had happened to me to make everyone sit there waiting. I was mortified and it’s stuck with me ever since.

Sounds so silly but when I was 11 a popular boy at school said "Move out the way, ugly" and I still remember how much it hurt to this day and I was self conscious for years. I must have blossomed because when I would see him locally in my late teens he would often ask me to go home with him etc, I would always politely decline but I wish I said "no, you ruined your chances forever when you told me I was ugly"

I know and agree. I've been called allsorts over the years but DM always praised me. I was gorgeous and a lot was jealousy. I didn't realise I was at the time but just didn't care. But even if I wasn't mam's love helped my confidence. I really feel for those who's mothers have been negative.

I once remember my niece crying because she didn’t have ‘yellow’ hair like her Barbie. My DM (who’s no angel) tried to reassure her that her hair was lovely and that brown hair was just as nice. Sister disagreed. To be fair, my (narcissistic) DM favoured our other sister, and scapegoat sister treasured her blonde hair because she’d been made to feel inferior in every other way. But it turned her into an absolute bitch.

I was usually on the receiving end of the insults. I’ve lost count of the insults from sister, DM, various other people. I’m very happy with the way I look though. The insults about me as a person, the emotional neglect and the impact of my dysfunctional family have caused far more damage.

That's awful. Are you still in contact?

When I was in my 20s, my boyfriend told me I wasn't the kind of woman that men married.

I think most people are affected by comments like this. 20years ago a friend told me I was "girl pretty but not boy pretty". What she meant was that female friends thought I was pretty but men did not. I was 18 and insecure and I still remember that comment

@Ulysees that's a fantastic idea! I'd love to do a "Pretty Woman" on her ha ha.

I've been called 'ugly' or 'plain' by more men and in more situations than I now care to remember. My XH, when we were still seeing one another before we even married said 'your nose is just too big' as an excuse to drop me (and yes, I STILL married him! What was I thinking! Actually probably that I was so ugly I should be glad that someone wanted to marry me).
It's quite nice now to be old and invisible....

Your friends were right. Or you were so out of his wicked hearted reach he wanted to make you suffer. Honestly I was gorgeous and had men be negative. I did local modelling and was approached by a model agency. It's HIM that is ugly inside and he probably still is. Try saying positive affirmations in the mirror. Feels silly at first but it's supposed to work.

@SoOutingWhoCares
"They are just the right size for biting horrible old hags"....

@Bishopsgirl it'd be hilarious 😂

Some of these are so awful they have affected me just reading the thread because I can totally imagine the pain of having these things said! I’m so sorry you have such shitty people in your lives. I would never dream of saying anything like these to someone. Christ

30 years ago, i took my wedding album into work. The big boss said to me "some people just don't look good in photos", i think about that pretty much every time im getting photographs taken