To get angry if interrupted when eating?

[MM1972]

I have blown my top recently. I've exploded with anger after just sitting down to eat and my partner has started to tell me I must do something. I've requested to be allowed to finish eating but they continue repeatedly telling me I must do this that or the other. On one occasion I scraped my dinner, which I'd just prepared myself, into the bin, turned my phone off and drove to McDonald's.
The same thing happens when
using the bathroom.

I have lunch at work on the hoof and really only get to sit down at dinner and going to the bathroom.
Personally I would never order my partner to do anything. I ask for their help if needed.

I would never shout orders at someone when they are using the bathroom or when they have just sat down to eat.

Is my need to be able to eat without having someone bark the same instructions at me over and over unreasonable? Perhaps a sign of autism? Or is my partner unreasonable for not allowing me to eat in peace?

So in short they can slice tomatoes whatever way they like. But I'll be slicing my own - the correct way and with no comment

Your way is just different - not correct.
I do think you're probably autistic. You have very rigid thinking.

This is all so confusing and toxic - but you are a man, your partner and 2 kids live in a shitty crowded flat - you own your own house and spend 3 nights a week there - which she resents.

What happens to your boys on those 3 nights and what would happen if you left to the kids?

Seems like you do get 3 nights off a week - does she?

I'll look at the AQ50.

But in other tests I've not been on the spectrum.

I often feel I am right. Obviously the tomato issue is small and I should leave it.

I generally back down on everything else. I am the junior partner if you like.

It's not a weird way to cut tomatoes. It's one option, your way is not "correct", it is your preference. No need to say anything at all to anyone who is cutting tomatoes for you or your children as part of a meal they are preparing, other than "thank you".

And really, fuck the tomatoes, you have major relationship issues that need some serious intervention but you seem very reluctant to acknowledge that or acknowledge that you need help to address them.

Their way of cutting the tomatoes is wrong. The juicy bits with all the flavour just drop out. I like the juicy bits. They are my favourite part of tomatoes.

They like cutting the tomato their way. If it's for their consumption I'll be quiet. If they cut mine like that I'll be annoyed. A bit like if someone pealed an apple gave you the skin and discarded the rest.

Anyway I'll have to sign off on this thread now.

I often feel I am right. Obviously the tomato issue is small and I should leave it

TBH I always feel I'm right, too. So do my autistic DC. Goodness knows how we all got through their childhoods. They're all adults now.

I do see where you're coming from over the tomatoes.

A thing like that sometimes makes me really angry. Even though I know in my heart of hearts that they're truly unimportant, I can't let some things go. And that's autism.

Why are you putting up with this? Or even asking the question? He/she should be long gone, no excuses they are bullying and you don't need to put up with it at all! Partners are meant to be equal in a relationship. Obviously doesn't value you at all.

@MM1972 There is NO right way to cut a tomato! The seeds pretty much fall out whichever way you cut it! You just slide the knife under the cut slice and transfer it to your sandwich or plate or wherever! No losing anything.

What a bizarre thread,
You are in denial about how shit your relationship is because it's not as bad as the last one.

If a woman started a thread where her DP refused to allow any say or was not transparent about money it would be considered financial abuse.

You have a choice. You have a house to live in and could have your children at weekends or you could sell and get something closer if necessary.

What you don't have to do is put up with your partners ridiculous spending habits.

Have read whole thread. Why are you paying for subscriptions but have no access to finances? Take your kids, move back into your house you are paying for and call it a day. Also, just because children are top of their classes does not mean emotionally they are ok! You need some parenting help as well by the sounds of it. Why are you subjecting your children to this? They should be in a secure home and not around arguments and chaos! Your way of cutting tomatoes isn't the correct way, just a way. Everyone is different!! Grow up and act like a parent and put your children first.

Have you tried just replying 'fuck off, I'm eating'?

The children are not happy in that environment. Full stop.

If you think you might be autistic, get assessed.

Your partner may have been financially controlled in the past, or it might be their perception because their ex was fucked off with their money mismanagement. Alternative, it might be a bold faced lie to stop you challenge going their spending.

The fact you are flipping out, which jo doubt you will say the kids didnt witness, means this has all gone too far. Either counselling or steps to leave are needed.

The fact you cant just say that youd appreciate being able to eat in peace and expect that need to be met (assuming it's not family meal time) is unhealthy.

The relationship is currently over, whether you stay together or not. Either take steps to leave it steps to resolve but currently it's going to get worse not better.

God your poor kids. Imagine living in this shitshow.

Wanting to eat your dinner in peace is not a sign of autism. Why is your partner not sitting down with you for dinner and having a meal together? Why does he/she think it's ok to issue instructions to you about doing dishes? Sounds like the problem isn't you, it's your relationship 🤔

I might be missing something but why are you - and other posters - suggesting that the OP "take [your] kids" when the other parent appears to be the primary caregiver?

@kittensinthekitchen because they have stated they are all squashed into a small flat whereas op has a larger house. It isn't acceptable to put the children in this situation so they need to make sure they are supported, the partner appears to be main caregiver but op has indicated they are not doing enough- falling asleep when should be putting kids to bed etc.

Problem is my house is 40 miles away. Its closer to my work but would involve the kids changing schools. Things are stuck as they are for now.
We are both really struggling financially as you would be paying for two houses from two not very big salaries. A few weeks decent sales in my business could sort that but I can't force customers to buy.
One solution is to rent out my house. Which I am considering but it needs some work due to a chimney leak, broken tiles and somewhat dodgy stairs.

At the most basic level, never take parenting advice from a man who was, while often a brilliant poet (not here), a lifelong misogynist who regarded women and the children he saw as a woman’s method of ‘entrapping’ a man, with fear and contempt.

Every autistic person is different. If one needs silence to eat, many more wouldn't care whether there was noise or not. Autism is a whole range of communication and processing difficulties all or which each autistic person will be affected to different extents. If you think you're autistic have a chat with your gp but one aspect isn't proof.

What on earth makes someone think it’s acceptable to bark at someone else to do the dishes while they are actually eating? Are they actually asking you to stop eating and do them? Or are they reminding you it will be your turn but not actually expecting you to do it that second? Either way it’s unacceptable. I’m really confused because I can’t actually imagine how anyone would think this was ok, unless they were hurt or needed urgent assistance.
Is that part of a pattern of controlling behaviour in which you are able expected to cater to their every need/wish/whim? Or are they spectacularly impatient in general? Either way I’d be telling them to wrap it.

Get yourself some noise cancelling headphones, buy some more teaspoons and mugs so you don't run out and use the dishwasher.

Your posts sound like you are both miserable and uncompromising, I can't imagine how this is going to impact your children in the future. You reference how well they are performing academically, maybe that's where they are happy, secure and are receiving some recognition and attention, you sound like all you and your partner are bothered with is petty one upmanship.

Yeah, this is a shit show. There is absolutely no way your children are happy despite performing well in school. Their father is absent for work over 40% of the time and when he is home he is dictating how food should be microwaved, mocking their mother for how she cuts tomatoes (laughing at someone because you don't think they do it correctly is mocking btw), or moaning about how the dishes get washed.

Their mother sounds like a lazy sod who can't be arsed to get them ready for bed, lays on her bed rather than tending to them, is slowly driving them towards living with bankrupt parents, and dumps food filled plates in the sink rather than utilise the working dishwasher.

They live in a fraught, dirty household where both parents seem more interested in arguing with other and nagging than they do in creating a safe, clean, loving environment for them. They previously lived in an actively hostile environment where a goddamn swat team showed up at their house!

Can't you see that this is a truly terrible upbringing for them, despite their "fantastic grades", and if you or your wife don't do something to sort it out soon, whether that be fixing your relationship and living conditions, or going your seperate ways (as well as improving their living conditions), then you are on track for fucking them up mentally and emotionally for the rest of their lives (more than you both already have). Do better, your kids deserve more.

Completely lost in a confusing thread, but no , in answer to what I think was the original question, nobody does the dishes whilst their meal gets cold.

When i read mumsnet posts 📫 like this,

I think thank fuck i am single

Most people or everyone would get royally pissed off 😤 sooner or later of the interrupting yourself whilst eating,

It's bad for your indigestion system as you are just rushing your food so much,

It can create the right conditions for IBS disorder ,as its stressful eating that kind of way,

Thankyou @WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat For typing my thoughts exactly!
What an absoloute fucking shitshow of a marriage. Those poor kids. They probably perform well at school because they're happier there than at home!