To get angry if interrupted when eating?

[MM1972]

I have blown my top recently. I've exploded with anger after just sitting down to eat and my partner has started to tell me I must do something. I've requested to be allowed to finish eating but they continue repeatedly telling me I must do this that or the other. On one occasion I scraped my dinner, which I'd just prepared myself, into the bin, turned my phone off and drove to McDonald's.
The same thing happens when
using the bathroom.

I have lunch at work on the hoof and really only get to sit down at dinner and going to the bathroom.
Personally I would never order my partner to do anything. I ask for their help if needed.

I would never shout orders at someone when they are using the bathroom or when they have just sat down to eat.

Is my need to be able to eat without having someone bark the same instructions at me over and over unreasonable? Perhaps a sign of autism? Or is my partner unreasonable for not allowing me to eat in peace?

You don’t have autism because you’re getting annoyed someone is hounding you about washing the pots whilst your sat eating your tea…. You’re just annoyed!

I think I could be allowed to eat without being harassed and told I must do something else.

Of course there are times when I ask my partner for help. But I certainly don't tell them what they are going to do.

I would never dream of interrupting someone who is eating. Imagine you are on lunch at work and a co-worker comes in and starts telling you to do this that and the other when they have already enjoyed their break.

It sounds like there is more to it when they are interrupting you in the bathroom / eating. Are you choosing really awkward times when something is going on to then disappear and ask not to be disturbed?

For example child needs bedtime doing/ dinner cooking etc etc and then you disappear to the bathroom and ask not to be disturbed leaving them to deal with the other issue?

I'm sure this will be met with the typical OMG you're such a man hater responses, but the fact that the OP is male is highly relevant IMO.

The OPs past posts, whilst shrouded in a Oh poor me, look how unreasonable my partner is whilst I - poor me - am a 'nice bloke' attempt, show the OP to have a history of 'parental alienation' meaning he doesn't have contact with at least one child, a violent and aggressive, disdainful relationship with his partner's adult child and her partner (and his partner's ex and partner). It shows a difficult relationship with almost everyone they have ever encountered, from family, friends, workmates, landlords. It shows disagreements with seemingly most that his partner does, says, eats, buys, whilst calling his partner a "nagging bastard" for asking him to wash up, clean up after himself etc. with little context as to what the requests are that are made of him, but shows an overexaggerated, aggressive response from the OP to these requests.

I'd suggest his partner, her adult child, his ex partner, etc would tell a very different story.

No. If I'm there I make sure they get supper, do their teeth and put phones down. I also do their breakfasts and all cooking at the weekend.

if I arrive later sometimes our daughter will be asleep still wearing uniform and glasses with her phone in her hand.

My partner will invariably be lying on top of our bed with the TV on also asleep. I know that their ex partner was quite outdoorsy and part of the reason they stayed for leaving was my partner wanted to watch TV all the time.

I also find they watch an awful lot of TV and never want to go anywhere or do anything.

@MM1972 at no point have I said that you should be harassed and ordered around, whilst eating or doing anything else.

It's interesting that you talk about work and co-workers. They are not your partner in a home, in child rearing and in life. And even then, if I was eating lunch and a co-worker interrupted me about work things, I'd be polite and remind them I'm on my break, and unless it's an emergency can it wait. It doesn't need an explosive argument or any kind of upset or anger.

I have had no dealings with landlords. My partner deals with that. I have my own house. They wanted to rent to remain close to their daughter whilst she was at school.

I don't have a violent disdainful relationship with my partners adult child. I choose to have no relationship. She has no relationship with her other step parent either. Whilst an adult she stole from both households including jewellery and other kids toys. No doubt things were difficult for her with her parents splitting up. I feel she used that situation to get her own way including cutting my partner off for periods so that my partner concedes to every whim. I just don't feel safe or comfortable around the daughter.

I think that whilst we are a partnership I should have some input on household expenditure. I have none. It hurts me to think we could have saved a deposit for a joint house but instead we have multiple TV packages, pies, snack and gin being delivered by post and children with iPhone contracts.

If you are exploding with anger you sound abusive.

Everyone has a breaking point though.

But if your coworker kept on and on at you ignoring that you'd said you would attend to it after you'd eaten. Would you eventually break?

Am I the only one who would quite like a diagram showing how tomatoes are supposed to be cut? I’m worried I’ve been doing it wrong all these years 🤷🏻‍♀️.

No of course not. If by "break" you mean shout and explode with anger. I would leave and speak to a line manager about the colleagues inappropriate behaviour in the work place. Which is where this analogy really does break down, because a co-worker relationship is massively different to an intimate partner relationship and joint parenting partnership.

Speaking of which, you are curiously passive about not being properly involved in parenting your shared children. If you don't want them to iPhone contracts that should be something you and your partner can discuss and come to an agreement on. Not one overrule the other, or one check out totally from decision making.

@outtathere because I'm busy and very good at procrastination, I looked it up. Here you go, a guide to cutting tomatoes, with pictures. (And a lot of annoying pop ups. Sorry about that). https://feelgoodfoodie.net/recipe/how-to-cut-a-tomato/

I don't know how many times I can say 'I get zero input on financial decisions'.

I was also kept in the dark for a long period about the extent of the card debts.

How many children do you and your partner have between you (i.e. how many did you both have with your ex-partners and how many are joint children) and what age are they? Who looks after them whilst you are working away from home for three nights a week?

That's the way it's done. By my partner cuts parallel with the stem. So all the juicy bits fall out.

I know at the moment you are not getting any input into financial decisions. I am asking why you are tolerating that? It's massively more important than being left alone at mealtimes! It would be a priority for me to be addressing, in couples therapy if necessary.

If you read the article OP, the author cuts wedges for salads differently. The photograph just shows the way to cut them for sandwiches and salsas and stuff like that.

Mine does too, the heathen.

So far we've managed not to fall out over it, nor to contemplate divorce.

OP you and your partner both seem to lack the ability to compromise over trivia and over huge issues.

I can't say that it bodes well for the future.

With regard to autism: I'm autistic, and so are three of my many children. I definitely detect in your posts an obsessive single-mindedness and an inability to back down. Those character traits are seen more commonly in the autistic population.

Have you done the AQ50? If you have, what did you score?

You see, that would be enough for me to end a relationship.

Not worrying about cutting salad items.

Yep. My partner cuts slices parallel to the stalk. I've not seen them ever do wedges.

They told me their father insisted toast should be allowed to go completely cold before butter was added. They only started eating toast when a friends mum made it hot with melted butter. They are not open to cooking advice even though they say I'm better. They really didn't appreciate me saying that was a weird way to slice tomatoes.

So in short they can slice tomatoes whatever way they like. But I'll be slicing my own - the correct way and with no comment.

And essentially, OP, you're unhappy, and have been unhappy for some years, if a look through your other posts is to be considered.

Why not just end it?

It's far from ideal.