To get angry if interrupted when eating?

[MM1972]

I have blown my top recently. I've exploded with anger after just sitting down to eat and my partner has started to tell me I must do something. I've requested to be allowed to finish eating but they continue repeatedly telling me I must do this that or the other. On one occasion I scraped my dinner, which I'd just prepared myself, into the bin, turned my phone off and drove to McDonald's.
The same thing happens when
using the bathroom.

I have lunch at work on the hoof and really only get to sit down at dinner and going to the bathroom.
Personally I would never order my partner to do anything. I ask for their help if needed.

I would never shout orders at someone when they are using the bathroom or when they have just sat down to eat.

Is my need to be able to eat without having someone bark the same instructions at me over and over unreasonable? Perhaps a sign of autism? Or is my partner unreasonable for not allowing me to eat in peace?

@MM1972 I didn't say it was trivial, but your lengthy post describing to me why I shouldn't use Tupperware in the microwave (I don't, by the way) gives me an idea of what it's like to be in a relationship with you. Sounds like you're both as bad as each other

It's difficult living with a child that isn't yours. In the case of the elder daughter they spent 1000s one Christmas on Amazon using my partners card. They insisted on pets that they then neglected and left for my partner to take care of.

Finally the daughter moved her boyfriend in. I had no say in any of this. I had to tolerate him walking around in underpants and smoking at the back door. When the boyfriend arrived 'home' with a husky pup I couldn't hold my tongue anymore. The daughter told me to get out of the house and he gave me 5 seconds to leave.

The resulting shouting match resulted in police arriving, which I called, plus an armed response team (think swat uniforms) which the daughter called alleging that I had firearms and was going insane.

Thankfully the police ending up taking them and the husky and their other dog away.

I won't be in the house if the daughter is there. Short of a full written apology the daughter will never be in my house.

Why do you think you shouldn't leave? What reasons do you have to stay?

None of this makes any sense. You own a house and given your qualifications presumably have a good job but are living in a rented place (and paying a fortune to commute) that is too small with someone who sounds vile and wastes all your money on crap. Why not just move back to your house and spend your money and eat in peace?

*The resulting shouting match resulted in police arriving, which I called, plus an armed response team (think swat uniforms) which the daughter called alleging that I had firearms and was going insane.

Thankfully the police ending up taking them and the husky and their other dog away.

I won't be in the house if the daughter is there. Short of a full written apology the daughter will never be in my house.*

Jaysus, this all started because you want to eat a meal in peace and escalated to a SWAT team?!

That’s some seriously quick escalation on a thread right there.

I'd be mad at being barked at whilst I'm trying to eat, too. It's not unreasonable to expect to enjoy your dinner in peace. Conversation is fine, but don't bark at me.

As for microwaving Tupperware 😱 That's terrible. Can you get rid of all the plastic stuff and replace it with glass?

What about the SWAT team though?

No the armed response/ husky incident happened over 2 years ago.

latest argument was yesterday morning.

i'm really asking if I'm odd in wanting to be allowed to eat without choking on my food due to being shouted at to do something else.

So why are you still living together? You have a house you own and you’re paying the mortgage on, move back in there. And employ a cleaner, no kid needs to live in a house neither parent can clean.

Utterly disrespectful! Try and get an animal away from its food to go and do something else. It will bite your head off😂. Eating is such a basic primal need that shouldn’t be messed around with. You are within your rights to be angry. Why does so many dog attacks happen during feeding time? Just growl at him and show your teeth as a warning. If he insists, loose your shit and go absolutely crazy so he won’t even think about doing it again

The children for one. And it's not bad 100% of the time.

There is so much madness going on between you, your partner, the partner's daughter and your poor children are in the middle of it all.

@MM1972 where is the joy and the positives from this relationship? You really don't want to answer this and I think that speaks volumes tbh.

In your situation I'd be looking to move to a house near to the flat your children live in, and look to relocate work-wise to that area too. Then separate from your partner and live on your own, and have your children for 50% of the time. Everyone will be better off.

i'm really asking if I'm odd in wanting to be allowed to eat without choking on my food due to being shouted at to do something else.

As I said upthread, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to want to enjoy your meal in absolute peace and enjoyment. I leave my DH alone with his breakfast and he leaves me alone with my dinner. But we also don’t have the SWAT dynamic going on, step children, etc. but that may be yet to come for us, life seems unpredictable that way.

Your children are not an excuse to stay in such an environment

I'm definitely in the house less. There isn't a cleaning rota as such other than dishes being done.
if I notice the cooker is greasy or the sinks or shower or toilets are dirty, I'll clean them. These things would never be done otherwise.

i'm really asking if I'm odd in wanting to be allowed to eat without choking on my food due to being shouted at to do something else.

No, that's not odd.

What's odd is staying in this utter shitshow of a 'relationship'.

And thinking that doing so is of any benefit to the children. That's beyond 'odd' and well into 'totally fucked up'. Which is what the kids will be from living this way.

Okaaaaaay.

Kids are doing great in school and have lots of friends. As far as I can tell they are ok. But I'd definitely like if there were fewer arguments.

Actually, maybe you are autistic. You are fixated on trivia like the right or wrong way to do dishes or cut a tomato and insist on your way of doing things instead of creatively solving problems. You keep asking the same question about eating in silence when the previous posters are in unanimous agreement that this is absolutely not the main issue here. It seems like you want validation that you are correct and you’re completely tuning out the comments about how dysfunctional this living situation is. You write in a very cold and unemotional way about really awful things that are going on. So yes, maybe neurodiversity is part of the problem here.

In the short term get some ear defenders that block out noise, like the ones worn to use noisy machinery.

Tell your partner when your ear defenders are on they are absolutely not allowed to interrupt you unless the house is burning.

Then enjoy the peace until you can face this properly.

Unbelievably rude of them.

I’m guessing you’re the bloke, your partner is female and you’re trying to sidestep revealing that on Mumsnet, a predominantly female site.

Quite frankly, you sound utterly incompatible.

No one should be issuing orders to anyone, no one should be mocking how to cut a tomato, no one who objects to Tupperware in a microwave should be buying the stuff in the first place, no one should be calling cops or goddamn SWAT teams or running up tens of thousands in debt.

The relationship is a train wreck. Go to Relate or just split up.

Fuck me, there are so many drip feeds here that I think you need a plumber, not Mumsnet.

Your use of they is off putting, for goodness sake - put s/he

Secondly - why lead with "a degree in chemistry" and then up it to a PhD?

Thirdly - why are you even with this man/woman? you dont like them

and I read this " Every single penny I've contributed to the household goes to their card debts." so what about living expenses

As long as they don't bark their orders at me whilst I'm eating, then they can join me at the table.

“As far as I can tell”. Jesus Christ that’s a low bar. Of course they are emotionally damaged - I’m assuming you are concentrating on plastic and eating so that you don’t have to think about the real issues and how you are affecting your children.