To get angry if interrupted when eating?

[MM1972]

I have blown my top recently. I've exploded with anger after just sitting down to eat and my partner has started to tell me I must do something. I've requested to be allowed to finish eating but they continue repeatedly telling me I must do this that or the other. On one occasion I scraped my dinner, which I'd just prepared myself, into the bin, turned my phone off and drove to McDonald's.
The same thing happens when
using the bathroom.

I have lunch at work on the hoof and really only get to sit down at dinner and going to the bathroom.
Personally I would never order my partner to do anything. I ask for their help if needed.

I would never shout orders at someone when they are using the bathroom or when they have just sat down to eat.

Is my need to be able to eat without having someone bark the same instructions at me over and over unreasonable? Perhaps a sign of autism? Or is my partner unreasonable for not allowing me to eat in peace?

Where does autism come into it? The majority of people don’t like being interrupted while eating.

I'm just here to say listen to the posters who are saying you are choosing to stay with a nasty person. Think about this today. Imagine not having their nasty presence in your life.

There’s more detail needed here but if it’s as simple as op says, I would be taking myself to a restaurant for dinner and the partner can sort out their own food / clearing up.

Anyone barking orders at me whilst I'm eating or at any other time would not be in my life for very long.

Are you looking for a label OP? Because your reaction is normal. Conversely the bahaviour of the 'they' who keeps nagging you, is not
So you need to speak up or split up

Like you I eat in two minutes on the hood at work. So dinner at home should be relaxing, peaceful and enjoyable. A little end of day chat maybe, but not barking instructions at you. Like someone else said, they are not the boss of you. Explain one more time how important a calm, pleasant mealtime is to you. If they can't even let you have that, go and live peacefully away from them. I had a dreadful exH who made mealtimes so awful and have also left the table and scraped my dinner in to the bin. Note ex!

It's not just you, I have half an hour for lunch, small place so one at a time and we are together all day anyway so 1/2 hour of peace is great.
Drives me mad when other colleagues pop in to get stuff/make a brew/check their phone whilst chatting to me, I'll see them again in a few mins, bugger off!

Your partner sounds awful OP. Why do they have to be barking orders at you at any time, let alone while you're eating? Why don't they do any of the cooking or washing up?

Get a place sign with Fuck Off on it - just so it’s clear.

Ir set the expectations before you eat - I’m going to eat now - leave me the fuck alone!!!

Record him and play it back really loud when he’s eating. See how he likes it.

Are you saying they’re sitting at the table with you, also eating a meal you’ve made, and telling you you need to do the washing up?. Why aren’t they doing it?

Only at the weekend. They have already eaten by the time I get home from work.

They have already eaten. My work is in a different town. I get home later and make my own food. They have usually eaten.

I make dinners at the weekend for everyone.

It's not an "autistic" thing, it's an "I don't want to be shouted at whilst I'm eating thing" which I'm fairly sure means every single person would feel the same. Tell your partner to shush whilst you are eating.

My (diagnosed autistic at age 4) son doesn't mind being interrupted whilst eating, in fact he'll quite happily talk, sing and dance during meals.

I hate talking at dinner, I've never been diagnosed autistic.

Your partner is your problem.

they are not saying I'm autistic. But saying I have a very bad temper. I did lose it at breakfast yesterday morning and called them a nagging bastard. Once again I was eating having made the kids their breakfast and being repeatedly told I was having to do something else and repeatedly saying ok but I wanted to finish my breakfast.

if I'm doing something I like to do it my way. They sometimes insist I do it their way. Like with dishes they will prioritise clearing the table and fill the small sink with dirty dishes so the sink water ends up like a murky soup. I prefer to scrape and rinse most of the food off first. I can't be doing with looking at a full sink marinading in filthy water.

We do have a a dish washer and never use it.

But if I have been told to do dishes to be greeted with a full sink I've said 'not a chance.'

If think you’ve bigger issues than wanting to eat in peace. This man, I presume it’s a man, seems to be treating you like a paid member of staff. Do you really want to live like this? When does he wash up? What does he contribute to the house? This doesn’t sound to be an equal partnership.

I certainly wouldn't claim
to do more than them about the house.

But when it comes to cooking and doing the dishes I believe I do enough. I'm also the one who will clean the cooker and clear out the fridge, clean the sinks etc. apparently they don't mind or can't see the cooker top covered in grease.

When it comes to eating I feel it should be a golden time free from harassment. Instead I'm being lectured whilst I have a mouthful of food and feel I have to swallow it prematurely so I can defend myself. I get no enjoyment from eating when it's like this.

Even if it were autism, why would you think that would mean your needs shouldn’t be met?

It doesn’t sound remotely autistic and I suspect the person controlling you with their orders and their preventing you from eating or using the loo in peace is also feeding you “it’s a you problem” lies to keep you in line.

Why on earth are you both not using the dishwasher if you have one?! Surely you both just load stuff in it as you go and it gets rid of the whole argument over dishes. Although you’ll probably both argue over who unloads it I guess….!

Is this a new thing or has he always been like this? I'm surprised you got to the point of having children with this man if he's so annoying

No, YANBU. I think it sounds downright abusive, especially if you always do actually do it- just not at that moment.

In an adult relationship a simple “yes I’ll do it after I’ve eaten” should suffice. In fact if I am in general terms asking my partner to do something and he’s eating dinner or having a cup of tea I will always preface my request with “not now, of course finish what you’re eating/ drinking/ doing, but could you….” I’m not surprised you lost your shit if they keep doing this especially if they have already had their dinner earlier.

Sit down whilst you're calm and not eating and explain to them that they need to stop telling you what to do when you're eating. They can wait 10 minutes and then have the conversation. If they choose to ignore that and carry on, you know it's less about the task they want you to do, and more about a complete disregard for your wishes and well being. At that point I think it becomes relationship ending.

It's not a lot to ask to be left for 10 minutes to eat your dinner after work. Unless a limb is hanging off anything can wait 10 minutes to discuss

Leave her.

To add to my post I don't think it's autism or you being unreasonable. I ended my marriage over my dh lecturing me about using the wrong saucepan. I was so sick and tired of being lectured and told what to do, that this was my straw that broke the relationship.

Just tell them to shut up. Let you eat in peace, or do you barely do any house work so this person is annoyed with you?