To get angry if interrupted when eating?

[MM1972]

I have blown my top recently. I've exploded with anger after just sitting down to eat and my partner has started to tell me I must do something. I've requested to be allowed to finish eating but they continue repeatedly telling me I must do this that or the other. On one occasion I scraped my dinner, which I'd just prepared myself, into the bin, turned my phone off and drove to McDonald's.
The same thing happens when
using the bathroom.

I have lunch at work on the hoof and really only get to sit down at dinner and going to the bathroom.
Personally I would never order my partner to do anything. I ask for their help if needed.

I would never shout orders at someone when they are using the bathroom or when they have just sat down to eat.

Is my need to be able to eat without having someone bark the same instructions at me over and over unreasonable? Perhaps a sign of autism? Or is my partner unreasonable for not allowing me to eat in peace?

having used a dishwasher. It often gets full and then you can't find a mug or teaspoon. And if the dishwasher is going its an hour before you can get either.

We have acknowledged we argue too much. They slice tomatoes the wrong way - vertically so all the seeds or 'caviar' falls out. I find this amusing but I've been accused of criticising them.

They'll also reheat meals I've made in the microwave in plastic Tupperware. This is another hard no for me. The Tupperware ends up with a very rough surface with pitting etc and plastic and chemicals are going into the food. It's just laziness that they don't want to clean a pot. I've recently said I didn't want them to poison the children by doing this. They took it that I didn't care about them. The truth is I've mentioned not reheating in the microwave in the Tupperware and wouldn't dream of doing this myself.

i have a degree in chemistry FWIW.

Your update makes you sound as difficult as them! Who has the energy to criticise someone for how they slice a tomato or heat their dinner? Jesus Christ. Just leave each other, then you can both be uptight about different things in separate households.

There’s a difference between you wanting to eat in silence and eating whilst being told orders. I’m going to presume you are a man and she’s a woman because I can quite imagine sitting down eating and thinking about what I needed to do next because my brain never switches off. But I wouldn’t see it as orders I’d just see it as chitchat. I tend to say things out loud to order them in my head and remind myself more than others.
Also the toilet thing. There’s nothing more annoying than being busy and a man going sitting in there for 20 minutes!

Needing to eat in silence is very different to needing to not have orders barked at you while you eat. I don't know anyone who would be happy with the later and no one should settle for that. Ive never actually heard of the former as being linked to Autism and it's not an issue any of my Autistic family members or Autistic DC have.

Barely any housework is done by either of us. We're in a small ground floor. It's extremely cluttered with our kids stuff and their elder daughters stuff who uses our flat as storage. It would fail health and safety if it was a workplace. I don't get on with the elder daughter and resent her using our flat for her stuff.

I'm working in a different town and stay there 3 nights a week. I find this lonely at times but they see it as 'free time' and resent it.

Following your updates I think it would be better for you to split up. You clearly have a lot of problems with the way each other do things and I think you would both be far happier apart!

I don't mind how they heat their dinner. I do mind them poisoning our children by adding chemicals and plastics to our children's dinner. What is wrong with this?

I added that I have a degree in chemistry, if they insist microwave food tastes better then transferring it to a microwaveable ceramic dish that won't partially dissolve into to food or leach chemicals into it is 100% fine.

Why do you think it's ok if they dose the children with unnecessary and harmful plasticisers?

YABU to think it's a sign of autism! If my DH did this he'd be wearing the bloody dinner. He shouldn't be barking orders full stop, regardless of what you are doing.

Yabu to be living with someone who thinks it's acceptable to shout orders at you.
You can do so, so much better OP

Link about microwaving in plastics. If you do it and have children you love I'd suggest you stop.

https://www.bonappetit.com/story/can-you-put-plastic-in-the-microwave#:~:text=This%20supercharged%20reaction%20causes%20plastic,leach%20chemicals%20in%20the%20body.

Leaving aside the details about microwaving plastics or this, that and the other - it sounds like an exhausting and miserable relationship where each person is trying to control everything around them desperately, in atmosphere without much kindness or understanding.

If you have cooked a meal , that's more of a proper meal than a quick bite before you go out ,why aren't you eating together.

Tbh no one should be ordering or shouting at anytime it’s abusive regardless if your eating or watching t.v !
It needs to stop 🛑

This sounds horrific and I don't think you sound autistic at all. All you want to do is to enjoy your meal and they are stopping you from doing that. They know damn well what they are doing.

I would be interested to know the sex involved.

Do you have children together then?

I think this is probably 2 women - and you both sound a bit bonkers- and are just rubbing each other up the wrong way -I would tell them it's making you unhappy and if it doesn't stop you will have to reconsider the relationship- I think you are focusing on this aspect because you aren't happy overall

Your updates suggest that you don't actually like each other very much. Not cleaning your home is creating horrible environment for your children. The atmosphere in there must be very, very stressful. Why don't you part and parent separately.

I'm normally eating later. I work further away and by the time I'm home everyone else has eaten. I cook my own dinner. It's not prepared for me.

@MM1972 where is the warmth, the kindness, the happy shared times, shared contentment with your partner?

Are there any circumstances where you can discuss an issue and resolve it without shouting, either one of you getting angry/upset/afraid etc etc?

Why are you together and why the they and them?

I'm in the doghouse for calling them a nagging bastard. We don't argue all the time.

i'm of the opinion I should be allowed to eat in peace and go to the toilet in peace. End of. Neither time is ok to start telling me what I have to do.

I do get angry quickly if I'm not allowed peace to eat especially if everyone else has already eaten.

But now I'm being accused of being bad tempered.

That's not a life OP, it's an endurance test. Change it or continue to suffer. And tidy up, your kids deserve better.

What are the barriers, if any, to leaving?

Oh I see, you think that you might be autistic. At first I thought you were suggesting your partner could be autistic for doing this and I was going to say it could be a pointer as it’s the sort of thing my DS would do because all he sees is the thing needing done and doesn’t understand that it’s not a good time to say it. He has only recently stopped calling through the bathroom door after 14 years of reminders.

However, what you’re saying doesn’t sound like autism, it sounds like a relationship that has run its course.

Three kids. And both of us previously divorced. Money is incredibly tight at the minute and other stressful stuff too. The lack of money causes issues too.

Can you buy a set of glass/ pyrex dishes with lids and ditch the Tupperware?
It would solve one problem at least.