Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fallout with MIL over a tricycle

232 replies

Cam007 · 05/03/2024 22:21

My MIL mentioned that she wanted to buy my 11 month old baby a tricycle during a stroll in the park. I expressed safety concerns due to my own past experiences as child (I had a bad accident on a tricycle when I was a toddler). I let her know that me and my husband would need to look at tricycle reviews and their level of safety to choose the most appropriate one and that we won’t be able use it until 18 months. The day before his 1 st birthday my MIL tells us that she has bought his birthday present and it’s a tricycle. I replied that we had talked about this and my MIL shucked. The next day our son is presented with a wrapped box containing said tricycle. My husband and I decided not to open the box because we were unhappy that she had gone against our wishes. The next day my husband called his mum to tell her that we weren’t happy about the situation and that we felt that she had undermined our parenting. She got upset and hang up on my husband. Are we being unreasonable or should we accepted the gift and not made an issue out of it?

OP posts:
Bigearringsbigsmile · 05/03/2024 22:24

Oh god you sound like painfully hard work
It's a tricycle not a bloody machete

SpringSprungALeak · 05/03/2024 22:25

How did you have a bad accident in a tricycle?

why didn't you do your 'research' when she mentioned it & let her know which one you approved of if she wanted to buy him a tricycle?

you did nothing & are now blaming her for going rogue.

EsmeSusanOgg · 05/03/2024 22:25

You will be criticised here. So buckle up.

But, you were clear that you had a specific concern because of your own concerns. You did not say no, you just asked for it to be a discussion before she did anything. She ignored you. So, you held the present back.

I don't think that is unreasonable. Perhaps check the one bought and look at the reviews? Maybe suggest it is held for Christmas if it is suitable?

OrwellsRoses · 05/03/2024 22:26

So weird. My mil did this too, also over a toy.

I'm guessing like us there is a back story about your mil being overbearing and controlling. Mine doesn't like being told no so she will either do it anyway, throw a strop or manipulate other family members into agreeing with her to avoid a strop.

I no longer have a relationship with mine, problem solved.

SantaBarbaraMonica · 05/03/2024 22:26

Oh god. It’s all very precious. Over a tricycle.

Sonora25 · 05/03/2024 22:27

You are overdramatic over a tricycle. Not opening a present is rude.

how many bad accidents do kids have on tricycles?

Revelatio · 05/03/2024 22:27

Does she live with you? How is she going to know if you’ve used it or not? Just say thanks, take a picture of your child on it. Surely you’ll be supervising at such a young age, so no chance of tumbling over.

At that age they won’t remember it, so just put it somewhere else if you’re uncomfortable with it.

Concestor · 05/03/2024 22:27

What do you mean by "mil shucked"? That means something to do with oysters but I assume you mean something else!

Justcallmebebes · 05/03/2024 22:28

I think you're being ridiculous personally. Your poor Mil

Dogdilemma2000 · 05/03/2024 22:28

Good grief it’s a tricycle not a hoverboard.

Accidents happen. Just supervise and teach her bike safety.

Sonora25 · 05/03/2024 22:28

Did you actually send her your “research”? Also why can’t you use it before 18 months?

honestly OP I think you need to apologise here.

Gagagagagaga · 05/03/2024 22:29

Concestor · 05/03/2024 22:27

What do you mean by "mil shucked"? That means something to do with oysters but I assume you mean something else!

Not if you’re on The Apprentice they kept referring to it as “shuckling” oysters.

Dartmoorcheffy · 05/03/2024 22:29

You sound utterly hard work. Your poor MIL.

Wheresthescissors · 05/03/2024 22:30

Those smart trikes are fine for a one year old surely? They have extra bits holding them in, it's not just a waist strap.
I'm torn as I think she should listen to you both regarding safety matters, but at the same time I think you're being precious.

AttaThat · 05/03/2024 22:30

Everyone gets a “thing”. Something we know we’re perhaps being a bit precious about but we just don’t want near our kids, or we want to control our kids’ exposure to it. As far as I’m concerned unless whatever the “thing” is actively harms the child, others should respect it.

So, are you being a bit precious about the tricycle? Yes probably. But should she have respected your wishes, which you had clearly communicated to her? Absolutely yes.

Original poster
Cam007 · 05/03/2024 22:31

Concestor · 05/03/2024 22:27

What do you mean by "mil shucked"? That means something to do with oysters but I assume you mean something else!

Sorry typo meant she chuckled!

OP posts:
TheLurpackYears · 05/03/2024 22:31

Tricycles aren't really thing in these days of balance bikes are they? Mine had a Skuttle Bug from 1 or so and a dinky balance bike as soon as their legs were long enough, maybe 18-20 months.
Accept the gift, it will probably get some interest later and then get on with getting them what you think would be more suitable.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 05/03/2024 22:32

Researching the best tricycle is something that takes 30 minutes maximum. It’s not the work of days or weeks. You could have done it the next day and messaged your MIL.

YABU. A tricycle is a perfectly normal present for a first birthday. Provided it is from 12 months. If MIL has bought one for an older child then just put it by for later. You will get to supervise how and when it’s used. You really do not need to have created so much anguish about this.

Talipesmum · 05/03/2024 22:32

You are being a little bit over worried about tricycles but that’s understandable since PFB and you had a nasty accident yourself on one as a child.

But it’s totally not ok for her to just go against your specific wishes with a big present like that. That’s really undermining, she should absolutely be steered by you two if you’re making a clear decision. Not opening it is exactly the right thing to do. Agree with check the reviews for this one and put it aside till Xmas. TBH I’m not sure any of them are inherently much safer than any others since it’s a thing kids might fall off, and I seem to remember them all being impossible to cycle anyway!

OrwellsRoses · 05/03/2024 22:33

@Sonora25 and @SantaBarbaraMonica how is it precious or overdramtic?

Mil said she wanted to buy OP's son one, OP said no because she had decided against them because of XYZ. It doesn't matter if Mil agrees or not, it isn't her child.

My child didn't have a doorway bouncer or a seated baby walker because of my and dp's personal preferences from research and advice we'd been given on child development. If I warned someone not to buy one and they bought them, I wouldn't give it to my child and I wouldn't be amused.

Why do people think they get to control parent's choices?

Mil played a stupid game and won a stupid prize.

Frozenasarock · 05/03/2024 22:33

I think you’re being very overcautious about the tricycle, I’d have just said thanks, we’ll put it away “until the weather improves” (ie until he’s old enough) and then let him use it when he’s ready. If you’re worried get him a bike helmet. Ride on toys are fairly normal things for toddlers!

That said, if you’ve actually explicitly said no then she should respect that. My parents asked to buy my child a walker, I said no (because they’re not recommended by physiotherapists and we also have odd steps and differing levels), they just asked what they could get instead - funnily enough they bought him a trike…

beetr00 · 05/03/2024 22:34

it's not about the bicycle though, is it?

It's the fact that both @Cam007 and her husband expressed concerns but Granny bought it anyway!

Yanbu @Cam007

Wheresthescissors · 05/03/2024 22:35

TheLurpackYears · 05/03/2024 22:31

Tricycles aren't really thing in these days of balance bikes are they? Mine had a Skuttle Bug from 1 or so and a dinky balance bike as soon as their legs were long enough, maybe 18-20 months.
Accept the gift, it will probably get some interest later and then get on with getting them what you think would be more suitable.

Smyths toys have 13 different one for sale at the moment. I don't think they're past it at all!

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 05/03/2024 22:35

I should add though that from age 18 months DS had a balance bike. He never needed stabilizers and was riding a “proper” bike age 3. So a tricycle will likely be a short lived experience in any event. Most that are suitable for 1 year olds can be used indoors.

Sonora25 · 05/03/2024 22:38

@OrwellsRoses she didn’t say she decided against it, she said she wanted to do safety research. Did she do and share with MIL? No idea.

frankly not opening a present is rude no matter what you think of the present. “Undermining the parenting” by getting an unwanted gift is a an exaggeration. Surely we all get the occasional unwanted presenf, how hurtful to not even open it. And maybe MIL did her own research and bought the safest trike in the world 😅