Fallout with MIL over a tricycle

[Cam007]

My MIL mentioned that she wanted to buy my 11 month old baby a tricycle during a stroll in the park. I expressed safety concerns due to my own past experiences as child (I had a bad accident on a tricycle when I was a toddler). I let her know that me and my husband would need to look at tricycle reviews and their level of safety to choose the most appropriate one and that we won’t be able use it until 18 months. The day before his 1 st birthday my MIL tells us that she has bought his birthday present and it’s a tricycle. I replied that we had talked about this and my MIL shucked. The next day our son is presented with a wrapped box containing said tricycle. My husband and I decided not to open the box because we were unhappy that she had gone against our wishes. The next day my husband called his mum to tell her that we weren’t happy about the situation and that we felt that she had undermined our parenting. She got upset and hang up on my husband. Are we being unreasonable or should we accepted the gift and not made an issue out of it?

Just put it away until you feel comfortable with him going on it.

She was being a little irritating since you explicitly said you didn’t want it but not a good enough reason to fall out if she’s generally nice.

Are your own parents still around? Have you spoken to them about your own tricycle accident? I bet it wasn’t caused by the tricycle itself but by other factors that could be avoided, and of course tricycles have probably changed a lot since then.

I'm sorry. It I think YABU. A tricycle is not an inherently dangerous object, like a motorcycle would be. You might as well you once tripped over a book so you won't allow your child to read.

I think sometimes parents can be a bit heavy handed with well meaning grandparents. There's no need to call her and thrash it out over a gift. If you were that concerned about your child's safety you could have kept it in the box and said you were waiting until they were a bit older but to be honest I bet they'll have loads of fun on their trike.

Totally agree with this.

You're being ridiculous. If you want to do the wait until 18 month thing then you just hold onto it for now. Meanwhile, unwrap the gift, do your 'research' and see if you're happy with it. You can also put a helmet on your child. Unless it's got flame throwers attached to the wheels then I'm sure it'll be fine...

I’m glad you asked. Maybe OP means shrugged?

I agree and I'm a granny. I don't care how ridiculous grannies think their adult children are, you don't buy something for a grandchild that the parents have specifically asked you not to. It's unbelievably rude and disrespectful to them as parents. I've almost bitten the insides of my cheeks out at times when asked to do/not to do something that sounds OK to me or was 'the norm' when mine were young. You just have to remember that THEY are the parents and try to support them. My MiL was a nightmare and it's really coloured how I try to be because I remember how she tried to undermine me.

Thank you for writing this Shetlands because quoting you has saved me a lot of time and effort!

I agree with you 100%

Whether you are being ridiculous or over protective isn't really relevant.

Grannie should have respected your wishes.
Just put it in the shed until DC is old enough for it if you decide to use it.

My MIL bought a massive trampoline for the kids the week after I had mentioned how nervous they make me. Wasn't even any of the kids birthdays !

You probably could have been more diplomatic in your reaction to the situation (after all you don’t HAVE to use the tricycle), however it is rude and not very respectful for her to do this when you specifically asked her not to. And if you don’t say something now it will go on and on for years. I’ve had 10+ years of it and our garage is stuffed with inappropriate gifts that we can’t use or don’t have space for as a result of MIL completely ignoring us when we’ve politely declined or suggested an alternative gift. We’ve given up now but I wish I’d been a bit stronger in the early years!

Predictably you will get all the MN MiL calling you ridiculous OP but I think it was pushy and rude of her to ignore you so blatantly. Is she always like this? If it’s a one off I would put the tricycle away until you feel comfortable for DS to use it, and say no more about it. If she does this sort of thing a lot, maybe now’s the time for DH to have a proper chat with her about respecting you both.

Read her posts.

She corrected it

Thing is, you could have opened it. He could have sat on it, had a photo then played with his other presents

At 1 he'll have forgotten 2 minutes later. Then put it away

But does she have form for ignoring/undermining?

So, did you do the research you wanted, and send your MiL a link to the one you wanted ?

Whereas I 'get' you are cross because she didn't follow your orders, I agree with most that you are being a bit precious about this. It is a tricycle. It is a perfectly normal thing for a child to play on. It is also perfectly normal to give a present when it is the child's birthday, as something they are going to grow into during the coming year.

Yup, balance bike all the way.

Good grief, the replies today!

It's not rude to hold back a gift you specifically said you didn't want. It's rude of the MIL to override in the first place! Why should OP have promptly done research and sent it to MIL when she had stated she didn't want her child to have the trike until 18 months?

It doesn't matter whether any of us agree with the OP's position, she said no thanks and the MIL bought the gift anyway. If MIL genuinely wanted to be helpful she would have asked what would be a good present and got that instead. I think it's also a very solid point that balance bikes are the thing these days - mine was also briefly on a scuttlebug before moving onto a chico red bullet.

My 'thing' was the fear of them choking. Irrationally when lovely MIL bought play food at what my unhinged baby brain deemed too young I just said thanks and hid it away for 6 months until I came to my senses. Could that be an option OP?

I'm sorry you had a bad experience but kids get hurt in all kinds of ways. Break bones need stitches, prepare yourself it's coming. A tricycle is the least of it. It's scary but it's parenting. I do feel for your mil. It's not the hill to die on.

I must be the only parent who was pleased with everything that the grandparents bought my kids, including tricycles.

You are being so unreasonable, and rude, ungrateful, over dramatic.
You said you would research options but didn't. Perhaps MIL did and got the most appropriate choice. You didn't even open it! By age 1 a child is fine on a tricycle being pushed by an adult, your son would really enjoy it. Don't let your own bad experience prevent your son from having a good experience. And don't let your own prejudices prevent your son from having an involved caring grandmother.

Jesus you ae high maintainance. A tricycle is safe. They conforn to safety regulations which didnt exist when you were a child. Im assuming you supervise your child?

Its a very suitable present please apologise

OP, I think you are having a hard time. As a GP I always ask my children about buying gifts for my grandchildren. This is because the parents might not want them to have the item or if it is a significant toy the parents might want to give that themselves.
Years ago I had trouble with my mother buying presents for our children. She always wanted to give them a really important present, yet she didn’t want to spend much money. When she bought a tricycle it was plastic and not stable, unlike the sturdy metal one she bought for my children’s cousins.

Let your DH deal with it, she's clearly overriding your decisions which isn't acceptable

It was a very simple request and even if she thought you were being ridiculous she should have respected your wishes. At the very least she could have asked you to let her know which one you were comfortable with so she can buy it now and give it to you later.

Reading comprehension and common sense seem to fail on such threads.

OP’s child was turning a year old. OP told MIL before she bought it that they weren’t letting their DC use one until 18 months and OP was going to look into the safety before they purchased one.

Why would OP start research six months in advance so that MIL can buy a tricycle that they would have to store six months before they would let their child use it?

They told MIL their views, and instead of saying “All right, is there anything else I can gift” like a reasonable person, MIL purposely ignored what she was told and now is annoyed.

What is it with family members not accepting what parents are telling them when it comes to the parents’ own children?

It doesn’t matter if some of you wouldn’t mind, OP and her DH do. They as the parents told MIL upfront before she gifted it their thoughts on it. She was foolish to ignore them, foolish to buy it, and foolish to think that they wouldn’t stick with what they said.

She only has herself to blame.