Fallout with MIL over a tricycle

[Cam007]

My MIL mentioned that she wanted to buy my 11 month old baby a tricycle during a stroll in the park. I expressed safety concerns due to my own past experiences as child (I had a bad accident on a tricycle when I was a toddler). I let her know that me and my husband would need to look at tricycle reviews and their level of safety to choose the most appropriate one and that we won’t be able use it until 18 months. The day before his 1 st birthday my MIL tells us that she has bought his birthday present and it’s a tricycle. I replied that we had talked about this and my MIL shucked. The next day our son is presented with a wrapped box containing said tricycle. My husband and I decided not to open the box because we were unhappy that she had gone against our wishes. The next day my husband called his mum to tell her that we weren’t happy about the situation and that we felt that she had undermined our parenting. She got upset and hang up on my husband. Are we being unreasonable or should we accepted the gift and not made an issue out of it?

In a world of millions of toys for children how is buying the one that the OP doesn't want "doing.a nice thing"

Fulfilling her with to buy a tricycle? Are you from the tricycle marketing board 😁whoever wished for something so random ?

It's a gift ,accept it and move on. You need to pick your battles.....and believe me a gift isn't worth falling out over.

I can see why you're getting some stick OP, but I'm guessing there is a back story.

This is absolutely something my MIL would do out of spite because I asked her not to. We're 7 years into 2 DC now and we have to be so firm and reduce contact as if she spends too much time with us she undermines our parenting.

Cmon @SpringSprungALeak , it’s not that hard to imagine a trike accident…

Tricycles have no brakes and can easily run away with you down a slope. Happened to me down a hill that ended in a pier over the shark-infested waters of West Africa. Disaster was narrowly averted when my father only just managed to grab me and trike as we whizzed past him.

OP, you are not BU. MIL does not want to be told. I would stand my ground!

It isn’t as it is also not hard to see why OP wouldn’t do research for a tricycle that her and her DH wouldn’t allow the child to use for another six months.

Not sure why OP is getting so much stick when it was a mutual decision with her DH and her DH was the one who called his mum.

So many women on Mumsnet getting their knickers in a twist over nothing.

Just let the child potter about at home/in the garden with it for now. Stick a helmet on him if you're worried.

Op I think I'm with you. You said no to a trike on safety grounds but trikes have come a long way in 30 years.

I don't think I've seen one that isn't a 'smart trike' or like a smart trike with straps, parent handle, some of them have hoods and nappy bags. Most are designed as an alternative to a buggy for using in a park. And I don't think I've ever seen one actually used as a self-propelled trike. Some clever advertising going on there.

So I can see why Granny dismissed your concerns. But it was still wrong of her to go completely against your wishes.

that sounds upsetting for your MIL but she should have listened to you, had a discussion

I think you were you were unreasonable to suggest the tricycle could be dangerous (worst case you accept the gift and leave it aside until your DC is old enough for it), but then it depends on the bad accident you had.

But it is a 🚩 that you reasonably asked your MIL to have some input on the gift, due to your concerns over safety and she ignored you and bought one anyway. That’s the bit to focus on. Get DH to ask why she didn’t check the tricycle with you first after being asked and explain to her that if she is going to undermine you both like this, it’ll make it difficult for her to have a relationship with her GC, because she’s created trust issues.

Keep it until he is old enough to use it? He doesn't need to use the trike immediately.

Of course you can get normal trikes. They're everywhere. One of the most popular is the Scuttlebug because it folds flat. But there are loads of tricycles for toddlers. Then at about 2 they move on to balance bikes.

Prepare yourself now for that stage OP. My son is 2 and a half and you should see the speed of him on a balance bike. He has a helmet.

YABU re the tricycle being a bad idea for a 1yr old
YANBU re being upset that your MIL ignored your wishes

I assume it means shrugged

OP, its good for kids to have experiences and have toys that promote gross and fine motor skills. A tricycle is perfect for this, its extremely safe

Accidents can happen at all times, in all circumstances and your child will have accidents over the years, its one of those things.

I can see why people think YAB over the top, but actually, my youngest had a bad accident on a smart trike. It just fell apart, there was an issue with the bolts, and he lost his front teeth and needed his face gluing back together, so I can understand.

I need to find a way to say it's a tricycle not a machete more often

Freak accidents happen all the time. You can't shield children from everything on the off chance there will be a freak accident.

YABU, you said you might use one from 18 months, maybe MIL doesn't want to be buying baby another big present then - you don't have to use it straight away (let the one year old play with the box for now, they aren't going to know they are not playing with grandma's present, then they get another round of excitement in 6 months when they get the actual tricycle).

How did you have a bad accident in a tricycle?

Well quite! Friend and relations often give kids presents that are much too old for them. You just put them away until they are more suitable. There is no need for all this drama.

I don't understand the responses here. It doesn't matter what we think about tricycles. You clearly told your MIL twice that you don't want it and she got it anyway. She could have bought another gift instead and given the tricycle at a later date. YANBU at all.

In addition it will be available to him when in the summer when he is 18 months, as the next big present day is not until Christmas.

Welcome to the world of performative grandparenting.

They know best, raised kids when there wasn't all this PC nonsense don't you know.

If something makes them happy regarding their grandchildren, they will do it despite the parent's wishes ( which is the main issue here) .

Yes but this only goes so far. There is so much these days about “respecting” parenting / having to listen to batshit requests like this. Of course the poor child’s grandmother can buy whatever she likes for the child - why do parents think they are justified in controlling anyone to that extent? Just be grateful - if you’re that anxious, put it aside for another time. The child is 1 - they’ll have absolutely no idea what they got for their birthday.

I hope that you will be embarrassed about this in the future.