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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fallout with MIL over a tricycle

232 replies

Cam007 · 05/03/2024 22:21

My MIL mentioned that she wanted to buy my 11 month old baby a tricycle during a stroll in the park. I expressed safety concerns due to my own past experiences as child (I had a bad accident on a tricycle when I was a toddler). I let her know that me and my husband would need to look at tricycle reviews and their level of safety to choose the most appropriate one and that we won’t be able use it until 18 months. The day before his 1 st birthday my MIL tells us that she has bought his birthday present and it’s a tricycle. I replied that we had talked about this and my MIL shucked. The next day our son is presented with a wrapped box containing said tricycle. My husband and I decided not to open the box because we were unhappy that she had gone against our wishes. The next day my husband called his mum to tell her that we weren’t happy about the situation and that we felt that she had undermined our parenting. She got upset and hang up on my husband. Are we being unreasonable or should we accepted the gift and not made an issue out of it?

OP posts:
thebestinterest · 06/03/2024 04:40

Omg, OP! This is one of those moments you could have just said “THANK YOU!”

no need to give a testimonial to your inlaw about how silly you are.

she would have presented the tricycle and seen that lO could not use it and accepted; instead though, you’ve had a falling out over bs.

thebestinterest · 06/03/2024 04:43

Dogdilemma2000 · 05/03/2024 22:28

Good grief it’s a tricycle not a hoverboard.

Accidents happen. Just supervise and teach her bike safety.

😂😂😂

TrínaCheile · 06/03/2024 05:00

Christ on a bike (tricycle)

Toomuchgoingon79 · 06/03/2024 05:07

Tricycles have come a long way since you were a child

Dancerprancer19 · 06/03/2024 05:10

I would have avoided buying the tricycle because it’s clearly an issue for you, but I would also have thought you had severe anxiety or were just being very first time parents.

Its half a dozen of one and six of the other.

Autienotnautie · 06/03/2024 05:11

Everyone saying 'it's a tricycle' aren't getting it. It's important to you so you said this would be something you would need to research. She then dismissed you and did it anyway.

It doesn't matter if she or any mumsnetters agree or not she shouldn't have bought it.

I would do some research on the one she bought. If you are happy with it put it away until dc is older otherwise return it and give her a link to one you would be happy with.

Autienotnautie · 06/03/2024 05:17

And for those mocking what nasty accident can you have on a tricycle?

My ds fell forward on a tricycle at school. He cut his face on it, ripping open his mouth and chin. Damaging his front (adult ) teeth and a slit in his mouth and large cuts down his chin. Thankfully his teeth didn't die, although he was on a soft food diet for weeks. It took months to heal and he in significant pain and discomfort. His chin is covered in scars. And he is still monitored under hospital dentist four years later.

Autienotnautie · 06/03/2024 05:22

thebestinterest · 06/03/2024 04:40

Omg, OP! This is one of those moments you could have just said “THANK YOU!”

no need to give a testimonial to your inlaw about how silly you are.

she would have presented the tricycle and seen that lO could not use it and accepted; instead though, you’ve had a falling out over bs.

But then your setting yourself up for more defying of parents wishes. So if mum says no lollipops and mil defies and gives one anyway when she's babysitting.

Why is it op's job to placate the grown adult?

phoenixrosehere · 06/03/2024 05:29

thebestinterest · 06/03/2024 04:40

Omg, OP! This is one of those moments you could have just said “THANK YOU!”

no need to give a testimonial to your inlaw about how silly you are.

she would have presented the tricycle and seen that lO could not use it and accepted; instead though, you’ve had a falling out over bs.

Why should she thank someone for purposely ignoring what she said?!

It would be different if MIL had bought it as a gift without knowing OP’s views.

MIL mentioned she was thinking of buying a tricycle for the child.

My MIL mentioned that she wanted to buy my 11 month old baby a tricycle during a stroll in the park. I expressed safety concerns due to my own past experiences as child (I had a bad accident on a tricycle when I was a toddler). I let her know that me and my husband would need to look at tricycle reviews and their level of safety to choose the most appropriate one and that we won’t be able use it until 18 months.

OP was clear on her thoughts about this.

MIL knowing this does it anyway and tells OP and OP reiterates what she had told MIL in the first discussion.

The day before his 1 st birthday my MIL tells us that she has bought his birthday present and it’s a tricycle. I replied that we had talked about this and my MIL shucked. (OP meant to say chuckled)*

MIL then proceeds to gift it anyway despite OP twice expressing her views.

The only one causing issue here is MIL for going against what she was told.

If MIL had bought this before knowing OP and her son’s views, she could have held onto the tricycle and gifted it for his second birthday or just returned it and bought another gift. It is not like the tricycle is a must have toy and we don’t even know if the child can actually walk yet or that OP and her DH have space for it.

PansyOatZebra · 06/03/2024 06:04

Bigearringsbigsmile · 05/03/2024 22:24

Oh god you sound like painfully hard work
It's a tricycle not a bloody machete

This. Hard work for sure

ttcat37 · 06/03/2024 06:08

Regardless of why you didn’t want DC to have a tricycle, your MIL should have respected and accepted your decision. Yet another story of an interfering grandma who thinks they have rights over someone else’s child and thinks they know better than the parents.

Myotheripodisayoto · 06/03/2024 06:12

Tricycles look cute but are heavy, pedals are often too far from the seat to reach and they are extremely hard work for children to pedal. They are basically pointless unless you have a child with addition needs who can't balance -by the time the child is old enough to pedal it, a balancebike is much faster & more fun.

YireosDodeAver · 06/03/2024 06:17

You let MIL know in advance that you wouldn't be letting DC have a trike until 18 months.

Phoning up to say "we aren't happy with this gift" is incredibly rude.

You phone up and say "Thank You" but you put the present away in the attic for 6 months because that's when yoi are happy for your DC to start using a trike.

You check what brand your mil bought and look up its safety reviews. It nay be the best one. If it's not you may be able to swap it for a safer one during those 6 months.

Presumably you won't be sending your 12-18mo to a nursery where there might be a trike just standing around for any child to risk thei neck climbing on to without the proper qualifications. This is of course entirely your decision and it should be respected.

Giving your child a gift is not forcing you to rescind your decision. You are still in control of when/how the child can access and use it.

Sonora25 · 06/03/2024 06:24

Autienotnautie · 06/03/2024 05:17

And for those mocking what nasty accident can you have on a tricycle?

My ds fell forward on a tricycle at school. He cut his face on it, ripping open his mouth and chin. Damaging his front (adult ) teeth and a slit in his mouth and large cuts down his chin. Thankfully his teeth didn't die, although he was on a soft food diet for weeks. It took months to heal and he in significant pain and discomfort. His chin is covered in scars. And he is still monitored under hospital dentist four years later.

if he had adult front teeth, he was 5/6 already?

surely he wasn’t on a toddler tricycle?
Those have safety harnesses and are not made for primary school age children.

sorry about his accident.

Sonora25 · 06/03/2024 06:29

I don’t understand the 18m rule. A lot of trikes are from 12months and have lots of safety features (see below). plus you can just hide it for a few months, your 1 year old won’t remember!

those saying MIL should have respected her decision, what decision? She said she will look into safe ones not that under no circumstances is her child allowed one.

https://www.johnlewis.com/tp-toys-4-in-1-deluxe-trike/dusky-pink/p5641655

from someone with zero caring grandparents for my kids, please don’t fall out over a present.

hopscotcher · 06/03/2024 06:35

Whether or not your tricycle concerns are a bit OTT (my initial reaction) I'd also be annoyed about not being listened to, so on balance I think YANBU, and pleased your DH has said something to her.

Starspangledrodeopony · 06/03/2024 06:38

I expressed safety concerns due to my own past experiences as child (I had a bad accident on a tricycle when I was a toddler).

Bad accident? Tricycle? Really? 🫢 I’m struggling to imagine how this went…

I mean, she told you what she wanted to get, you expressed ‘concerns’, said you wanted to research it, you didn’t research it, she got one anyway, you’ve both kicked off.

I personally think you sound quite over the top. It’s a trike. It’s a little kid’s tiny bike. He’s not going going to be on roads navigating heavy traffic, or at the velodrome, he’s going to be slowly pedalling along around the garden.

phoenixrosehere · 06/03/2024 06:44

Sonora25 · 06/03/2024 06:29

I don’t understand the 18m rule. A lot of trikes are from 12months and have lots of safety features (see below). plus you can just hide it for a few months, your 1 year old won’t remember!

those saying MIL should have respected her decision, what decision? She said she will look into safe ones not that under no circumstances is her child allowed one.

https://www.johnlewis.com/tp-toys-4-in-1-deluxe-trike/dusky-pink/p5641655

from someone with zero caring grandparents for my kids, please don’t fall out over a present.

OP said she was going to look into it first and that they wouldn’t allow their child to use it until they were 18 months. Why would they want to research and then store a tricycle for six months?

MIL could have bought something else or said “how about when you do find an appropriate tricycle I can purchase it instead” if she really wanted to get one.

TimetoPour · 06/03/2024 06:45

I can see why you would be pissed off with your MIL going against your wishes. However, I can see why she chuckled at you too. Did you never fall and hurt yourself at a park? If so will you stop park visits? Will they ever be allowed to ride a bike or is it just tricycles?

A tricycle is a perfectly acceptable, age appropriate toy, most children don’t have nasty accidents and thoroughly enjoy playing on ride on toys. Things have changed and become safer over the years. Have you actually had a look to see if the gift is suitable or just refused point blank to consider it?

shoppingshamed · 06/03/2024 06:48

The whole tricycle thing is a bit weird, it's not really a subject needing detailed research efforts but you are right to be annoyed that anyone would deliberately buy something they'd specifically been told you didn't want. Who does that?

MinervatheGreat · 06/03/2024 06:49

beetr00 · 05/03/2024 22:34

it's not about the bicycle though, is it?

It's the fact that both @Cam007 and her husband expressed concerns but Granny bought it anyway!

Yanbu @Cam007

This. ^
it’s the principle of it.
You have been undermined.

HalebiHabibti · 06/03/2024 06:50

You were pretty clear about your thoughts and she ignored you. That's the part that would hack me off.

I once got really bad friction burn going down one of those long drop slides, because my tshirt wasn't tucked in properly and so 6 inches worth of skin got scraped off my back. To this day I've never let my kids go on one of those slides 😂

Ohhbaby · 06/03/2024 07:00

Look I think she shouldn't have bought it, because you said you don't want it. That is true.

BUTT, is this your first child?? Really, I might gently suggest you make sure you don't have anxiety, because it is a tricycle?? I would also suggest you read up on the importance of risky play for children. So that by the time your child can walk he is allowed to get on tree stumps, furniture, tricycles etc. It is crucial for development that kids take risks. ( not that a tricycle is a risk, but uhmm if you say no to a tricycle, I'll bet my bottom dollar you'll be the mom that climbs on the slide with you child because they are not old enough to go by themselves.

LAMPS1 · 06/03/2024 07:02

Have you actually opened the box yet and looked at what sort of tricycle it is.
It might be one you approve of.
If it isn’t, you could ask her for the receipt and swap it for one that meets your approval.

I think it was sad you didn’t help MIL fulfil her wish of wanting to buy her grandchild a tricycle. You could have included her a bit more and told her which ones you felt were safe. And then everybody would have been happy.

I'm afraid I also think it was rude to deny your MIL the pleasure of seeing her gift being opened. And I think it was rather cruel to have phoned her afterwards and say her gift-giving amounted to undermining your parenting.
She must be feeling really bad when all she wanted was to do a nice thing.

Adultadhdinattentive · 06/03/2024 07:08

Bigearringsbigsmile · 05/03/2024 22:24

Oh god you sound like painfully hard work
It's a tricycle not a bloody machete

Sorry OP, but I have to agree with this!!!