Fallout with MIL over a tricycle

[Cam007]

My MIL mentioned that she wanted to buy my 11 month old baby a tricycle during a stroll in the park. I expressed safety concerns due to my own past experiences as child (I had a bad accident on a tricycle when I was a toddler). I let her know that me and my husband would need to look at tricycle reviews and their level of safety to choose the most appropriate one and that we won’t be able use it until 18 months. The day before his 1 st birthday my MIL tells us that she has bought his birthday present and it’s a tricycle. I replied that we had talked about this and my MIL shucked. The next day our son is presented with a wrapped box containing said tricycle. My husband and I decided not to open the box because we were unhappy that she had gone against our wishes. The next day my husband called his mum to tell her that we weren’t happy about the situation and that we felt that she had undermined our parenting. She got upset and hang up on my husband. Are we being unreasonable or should we accepted the gift and not made an issue out of it?

Completely agree. I think it’s really off to buy something you’ve been expressly asked not to by the child’s parents.

Really disrespectful of the grandma.

To be fair if you asked her not to and she still has then you have every right to be annoyed.

however i am wondering what on earth happened to you when you were younger to be so traumatised by a tricycle 😅

Why is everything so difficult nowadays. Whatever mine are bought I’m thankful for and you can’t bubblewrap kids.

We got our daughter a balance bike for her first birthday, we taught her safety because that’s our job as parents.

Buy her a helmet, take off the invisible bubble wrap you’re using and let children be children! Accidents happen and we need to allow them (within reason and without injuries) else they’ll never understand why we tell them no or be too scared to try things

In fairness your MIL probably thought you were being precious and got it anyway - but as a parent you do get the final say

Same!

Between 2015 and 2020, when the study I found was conducted, these are the numbers:

• 2-year-olds were the most likely victims of tricycle injuries, accounting for an estimated 3,000 injuries over the study period.
• Three-year-olds and 1-year-olds followed, with 2,023 and 1,990 injuries, respectively.

Now, this is over a five-year span, but almost 30% of those were serious head injuries.

Very weird and controlling. Do you ensure you get to control every single gift that everyone buys your child or just your MIL?

If it’s an actual tricycle, that seems like a stupid present for a 1st birthday - most places don’t recommend bicycles for children under 2.5 to 3 years.

If it’s a balance bike, then 18 months to 2 years is the appropriate starting age.

In any event, it’s shitty behaviour to buy a child a present against their parents’ expressed wishes. The fact that she then had a temper tantrum suggests MIL is used to doing as she pleases without being challenged.

Everyone's missing the point, it's not about the tricycle. No one has the right to undermine a parents wishes. If she will ignore what you want with the tricycle she will do it with anything, and it's completely disrespectful. Personally, id go as NC as I could with someone like that because they actually just pose a risk to your child, and could open them up to abuse by teaching them your wishes and rules dont matter.

Not quite the same, but MIL presented our very excited DCs with an enormous trampoline despite us saying no to it because it wouldn’t physically fit in our garden (well it would, but we wouldn’t have been able to get out of the patio door). We told her to take it back because we didn’t want it and didn’t appreciate her giving it to kids when we’d said no. She sulked and we had to deal with DCs who were really upset with us for saying no.

Many grandparents buy a present that maybe unsuitable for a 12 month old but by the time that child is 18 months old it is more likely to be suitable for the child as they have grown and there co ordination etc is better . I think you are being unreasonable.Does every gift have to meet your criteria?

I hope she buys the biggest , noisiest drum set she can find for their 2 nd birthday!😘

She doesn't need help and her reaction is normal.
It is extremely normal and common to be fearful of things when we've previously had accidents ourselves with the same things.

It would be different if she was anxious about everything, but there's no suggestion of that at all.

Are you OK? What an unhelpful message you post. , It's not weird. I accept lots of parents wouldn't feel the same but lots would too so it's not weird or controlling. What's weird is your comment... maybe you're the annoying mil who doesn't listen to what your told when it comes to buying gifts!

I don’t think the OP is weird at all - odd that you think so.

If someone suggests buying a specific gift for someone else’s child, and the parent asks them not to (for whatever reason) that would be the end of it for most people. Going out and buying the gift regardless, on the other hand, is weird behaviour.

And a tricycle isn’t an age appropriate gift anyway.

There's nothing weird about it.
You must seriously live in a bubble if you think that that's weird.

As for controlling, a one off incident such as this doesn't imply controlling behaviour at all.
But if you want to say that it's controlling then the MIL is guilty of the same, She said she wanted to get a tricycle, the mother expressed concerns, the MIL ignored that and bought him a tricycle anyway, the OP said that they had talked about that, then the MIL presented the tricycle to the son anyway!

@Voone
She said she wanted to get a tricycle, the mother expressed concerns, the MIL ignored that and bought him a tricycle anyway, the OP said that they had talked about that, then the MIL presented the tricycle to the son anyway!
Yes this, and it's "fine" 🙄 if they're a toddler, and don't understand yet like sounds like in OPs case.
If you let it slide though or don't stick up for yourself they still pull this shit when the child gets older and overrides you and causes problems.
Nip it in the bud now, unless you've been there you've got no idea, sorry.

Yes I had stuff like this with my mother.

I let a lot of it go because she wouldn't have listened anyway but she ended up just wasting her money in a lot of cases then.

There was one time though that she said she'd ordered my son a pool table. I told her we had no room for it, she said it could go in his room, I said it would take up his entire floor space so no. She ordered it anyway. When I saw it at her house I told her it wasn't coming to my house but if she wanted to set it up at hers in her much bigger house then to go ahead. She then returned it for a refund 😂

Another time they got him a gaming PC, which I had specifically told them not to because he was too young and didn't need one. He hadn't even asked for one! I was so annoyed when they presented it to him without my knowledge!

My DH and I are very particular with certain things, we do a lot of research too and decide accordingly. We've had some instances where both Mum and MIL want to gift something - we usually pick and choose what we make a big fuss over.

I see both sides here... On the one hand you're MIL gifted your DC something as she was really excited about it?
On the other hand you expressed your concerns and gave specific instructions to not buy it and so you feel undermined?

Only you know your MIL to decide what her intentions were with this action but you're the parent and should be in control.

If it were me, I would have just thanked her for the gift and told her that you'll open it when DC is ready to use it, or (depending on your relationship with her) ask her to exchange it for something else you like?

I don't think its worth falling out over, so if its really upset you or its something that keeps happening - address it over a coffee?

What tricycle accident did you have? How can you remember it at 2? Are you not going to let them go swimming or on a trampoline because of probable accidents? 🙄

You obviously need to parent the use of it and you can also get ones that don't pedal first but you push it along.

It's a lovely present and you sound like a complete control freak who should apologise right now.

So your MIL bought your child a tricycle. Iguess she maybe checked with the seller if it was a good and safe tricycle, for her precious grandchild?

Open it and post a picture, so many tricycles for so many ages, you never know it might be OK. I understand your safety concerns This is really more about the fact that your MIL went against your wishes

The OP doesn't have to be grateful for something she expressly told mil not to buy.
It's totally irrelevant whether other people consider it reasonable or not - it's her baby and she gets to decide, not the grandparents!

My mum bought my dd roller skates. I said I would rather she didn't have them as I had visions of her landing on her face and losing her teeth. My mum soon them back, because she respected my right to decide this for my own child. That's how supportive and respectful grandparents behave, not taking an "f you l, I think you're wrong and I'll do as I please" approach.

Childhood is about falling off. And getting up again.
Adulthood is about living with relatives, however much annoying they can be.

Nah sorry, if we have spoken about it and you went against my wishes that’s it for me. it’s not even about the trike anymore.