Invited to hen but not wedding?

[Numnumnumnums]

That’s weird right?

friend is getting married. Invited to hen do (it’s abroad so paid my part, few hundred) received my save the date to the wedding, but not an actual invite to the wedding. Then saw on social media a post chasing people for their rsvp at the end of the month. Turns out I wasn’t invited.

no fall out, not an intimate family wedding. But that’s weird right to invite someone to the hen (especially a paid for one far away) and not to invite them to the wedding?

yabu-no it’s common
yanbu- yeah that’s weird and i wouldn’t go to the hen

This is shockingly rude. I think I'd have to clarify by texting "sorry perhaps I am being stupid here but can you clarify that I am no longer invited to the wedding yet you still want me to attend the hen?"

And if she answered yes I'd respond with a laughing emoji.

The message reads different to me, I think it's possible she meant, I should have told you were invited earlier? You need to clarify this?

What a bitch , never heard of this before before

This^

This happened to me with someone who I thought was one of my best friends. Also was one of my own bridesmaids. I paid a shit tone of money for an abroad hen do for her and then didn't even get an invite to the full day. Her hairdresser and his boyfriend did though.. I'd never go on a destination hen do again. Beyond rude. I'd decline if I was you.

Oh and our 'friendship' didn't survive.

I'm baffled by what some people think is acceptable. It's weird to invite people to a hens but not the wedding. It's absolutely a snub. It's better to pay for a wedding you can afford with the right people there than to exclude people in such a strange way.

£200 i think, then whatever gifts for her and drinks and meals for the bride

Please please do not spend a penny more of your money on shite like that when she has done this to you. All of this expectation of paying for tat for brides and all her expenses is hideous and attention seeking anyway.

I've been to a hen party where I wasn't invited to the wedding, but it was discussed and explained - small wedding in another country, non English speaking families etc. Most people at the hen weren't going to the wedding and we were fine with that.

This is different though, and I'm not sure I would bother going unless I thought it would genuinely be a good time (so often hen weekends are not).

I think it’s more about the save the date card, then no invitation that’s rude.
The STD card literally says do not do anything else on this day/weekend. Of course you assume you’re invited.
I’ve read a few comments on here (mumsnet generally, not this specific thread) saying that people send out loads of STD cards covering all bases, then decide the final guest list 6 months (or whatever) later. It’s just so entitled, like you’re honoured to receive an invitation.
I went to a hen do once and I hadn’t realised I was the only one on it not invited to the wedding. It was pretty embarrassing really - this was a really big wedding too so it wasn’t a numbers related decision. Who knows what people are thinking?
I don’t blame you for not wanting to go on the hen.

And yes agree hen dos are really expensive now, not just destination but all the extras - usually for the bride, paying her share of everything, presents (not just tacky ones) etc.

A save the date is an invitation! She's revoked the invitation, which is incredibly rude in itself, and then expects you to go to the hen do and make a fuss of her. No!! I would lock in that dentist appointment now if I were you.

@Numnumnumnums

Wow. So rude. She's DEFFO not a friend! Tell her to eff off!

I'd cancel the hen & tell the rest of the group why! Don't feel at all guilty.

Don't go to the hen.

It's all quite humiliating to be sent a save the date, invited to the hen and then find out you've been excluded from the wedding.

Her behaviour is really shitty and not that of a friend. Keep your money for yourself,

"Hi CF. On reflection, I can't help but feel hurt that I was sent a Save The Date for your wedding, invited to the Hen abroad and then had to find out in quite an embarassing way that you'd decided not to invite me to your wedding after all. It has made me realise that we must have viewed the friendship differently. It feels very uncomfortable for me to attend a hen do for a wedding I've essentially been uninvited to, so I do apologise but I won't be coming. I do truly hope you have a fantastic time on your hen and a beautiful wedding day, all the best."

So one of the wedding party is paying money for you to attend the hen do? I think that’s a bit cheeky on your part. If you can’t afford to go, then don’t go. Being uninvited from the wedding is also rude, do you think it’s related to one of her friends having to cover your costs at the hen do?

Will there be other 'hens' who aren't united to the wedding?

I think I wouldn't go either. I'd tell her why too.

I’d assumed the OP was paying the other hen back? Covered costs - I’ll pay on credit card and you pay me back at bill time. I may be wrong though.

This is perfect!

sorry, I can’t come to
the hen do after all, I have a dentist appointment.

I shall be using this for every event I need to avoid because the other attendees are aresholes.

Quite frankly, the bride should cover OPs costs if she backs out.

It's her rudeness that's caused it!

I would do this. No question.

Please send this message and recompense the other hen who covered you if she's out of pocket - unless they can find another hen to replace you (who is also probably not invited to the wedding). I suggest CF will also be expecting a hen gift from you or to pay into a treat for her on the hen do - stuff that. Really hurtful and very poor behaviour.

Same situation currently happening to me - invited to Hen party but not wedding. There’s a group of us that are old school friends all going to the hen party and from what I’ve gathered with one of them asking when the wedding is, that they don’t have an invite either. But it appears her other non school friends are invited.

Im actually viewing the hen party as a weekend away with my old school friends - we are actually all also missing part of the hen party activities so we are actually all together

She isn't a friend.
I would go to the dentist, fcuk her and her bad manners.
And I wouldn't feel one bit guilty about not attending the hen or if that puts any financial loss in her.
She is incredibly rude.

I’d be so tempted to message her and say ‘sorry I can no longer make the hen, but I’d rather get my tooth filled.’

This.

Do not go on the hen do. Ask for your money back.

The bride is behaving outrageously. She's not your friend.