To wonder if DINKs will be more lonely when older?

[Aintbaint]

Ok, so hear me out. This isn’t an US v Them thread …
I have a lot of Double Income No Kids friends - for various reasons, mostly choice.
So for most career has been their main focus, followed by their partner… Most have been very financially comfortable, travelled a lot, able to afford holiday homes, successful work wise etc basically all the benefits of no kids!

But now we’re all in our late 40s and 50s and slowed down a bit, retired early, separated or divorced, Quite a few just seem to to have lost focus, seem a bit depressed or unhappy, and don’t have the same focal point that having kids can bring.
I stupidly thought that kids would get older and we’d have our independence back but obvs kids are always there in someways - you never stop worrying or thinking about them or doing stuff with them. So still that focal point in many ways and Indaynthat as someone who does have a FT job they like and hobbies…

YABU - of course DINKs are just as happy and not lonely etc

YANBU - it’s harder as you get older when it’s just you or you+partner and work isn’t as important or you retire

Point taken

If you don't have kids then what is the point, what is it all for?

But that in itself is just an endless, pointless cycle. You have kids to give meaning to your life, then they are compelled to breed yet more kids to give a similar meaning, and it's jut a never-ending cycle of meaningless lives trying to create meaning by reproducing.

That is utterly depressing. I'd much rather enjoy my actual life in the way I choose- either way, you only get one go on the ride. And by the time your grandchildren are having their children, you'll be forgotten as much as I will.

Your post and opinion is an obnoxious disgrace.

I, like many other posters, cannot have children. It is absolutely physically impossible for me. I've spoken to the consultants and gynaecologists etc. Second, Third opinions and more.

In the tiny, tiney chance that I ever managed to get pregnant, the child would not survive and there is also a risk to my life.

But thank you, and your limited intelligence and lack of understanding and empathy for telling me that there's no point to my life.

I may not have children but I sure has hell have more have more emotional intelligence, compassionate and respect for people than you ever will.

You have the audacity to tell other posters that they have written horrible posts.

This is quite insightful. Obviously doesn't apply to all parents but it's definitely common and particularly so for women I think who often sacrifice more of their personal hobbies etc to prioritise children.

My guess is that your children are making you very unhappy at the moment and this thread is your way of consoling yourself.

As a mum, I feel a bit sad for you reading this post. It's really a shame that you have this entire life to lead and can't possibly think of any other fulfilling purpose than having children. Honestly, I hope you find some sense of belonging and purpose someday beyond your children. You will be a better parent for it too.

Pretty sad you’ve had to birth yourself someone to have fun with. Get some friends

'Pretty sad you’ve had to birth yourself someone to have fun with. Get some friends'

Gosh you are so so wrong.

Why does there need to be a point beyond living the life that brings you the most happiness? For some that means children, for others that means travel, or career, or whatever else. Each to their own, surely?

Why does there need to be a point beyond living the life that brings you the most happiness? For some that means children, for others that means travel, or career, or whatever else. Each to their own, surely?

That's it exactly isn't it, anyone who feels the need to question and judge publicly other people's decisions clearly has some insecurity and unresolved issues of their own.

@nappyvalley2024 You have not responded to my question about how many children you have and how old they are. From your user name I would guess your children are babies or toddlers and you are still in the all consuming stage of motherhood. That changes and you will find other things also become important to you.

There are people I think who have greater meaning in their lives than I do. For example nuns with a strong faith and vocation. They believe every day of their life matters and every single thing they do is important.
I do not want to be a nun, but that sense of vocation must be special to have.

@@nappyvalley2024 you haven’t answered my question about how people who can’t have children fit into your limited worldview either. Doyou think their lives are pointless?

Oh nappyvalley, I'm sorry your life holds very little meaning or focus outside of your children, that is quite sad to read. Do you also feel you never knew love prior to having children?

For some people having children does give their life meaning. I think it is unfair to mock that. But it is also unfair to think that is the only way to have meaning in your life.

Your comment was far more blinkered and unpleasant. My kids are the most important thing in my life. But I am not so narrow-minded to think a life without children is pointless. That’s a dreadful and incorrect comment.

Just imagine if your children have fertility issues one day. Would you tell them that their futures are pointless then?

As I always tell my kids, there is more than one way to live a life.

For different people, different things are important in their life. I would hate never to have got married, but I know some women who are very happy single.

I had a quick check for research purposes. Nappyvalley has one small child in nursery. Might explain why she doesn’t see that the future can change and childrearing can get complex.

(She also started a nasty whining post about having to work whilst her lazy sil is giving up work to claim benefits and how ‘deflated’ she is with ‘literally’ no time to breathe apparently. So I am not sure how happy she is with her lot anyway).

This is very true. I couldn't imagine life without my DH and I know I enjoy doing things more with him than I do on my own. But my friend can't think of anything worse than having a partner and is quite determined to stay single. She seems really happy. My sister with a DH and DS seems very happy too. We all have different wants and needs.

@nappyvalley2024

ill never get bored of going on holidays and travelling the world. You must have had some shitty holidays!

the drudgeries of parenting - now that can get boring I imagine.

ill never get bored of going on holidays and travelling the world.

Neither will I. I’ve discovered a real joy in travelling the world, seeing and exp.oring new places.

I was a bit aghast at the idea that you can in an average life visit everywhere in the world you would want to go. Every year I discover new places I would like to visit. I will never get everywhere in my lifetime.

You can dish it out but you can’t take it?

There was a way to get your POV across but you chose to be judgemental and seem upset that you’re being judged too?

Its great that being a parent is the most important thing to you, you don’t have to disparage others and say their life does not have a point.

ill never get bored of going on holidays and travelling the world.

Me neither. There's so much I haven't seen yet in Europe alone.