To wonder if DINKs will be more lonely when older?

[Aintbaint]

Ok, so hear me out. This isn’t an US v Them thread …
I have a lot of Double Income No Kids friends - for various reasons, mostly choice.
So for most career has been their main focus, followed by their partner… Most have been very financially comfortable, travelled a lot, able to afford holiday homes, successful work wise etc basically all the benefits of no kids!

But now we’re all in our late 40s and 50s and slowed down a bit, retired early, separated or divorced, Quite a few just seem to to have lost focus, seem a bit depressed or unhappy, and don’t have the same focal point that having kids can bring.
I stupidly thought that kids would get older and we’d have our independence back but obvs kids are always there in someways - you never stop worrying or thinking about them or doing stuff with them. So still that focal point in many ways and Indaynthat as someone who does have a FT job they like and hobbies…

YABU - of course DINKs are just as happy and not lonely etc

YANBU - it’s harder as you get older when it’s just you or you+partner and work isn’t as important or you retire

No because they don’t expect their children and grandchildren to be popping in all of the time, so they plan alternatives.

I know many lonely elderly people who have children that sadly never visit and all they bang on about is how lonely they are and how they wish their adult children made an effort to see them. DINKs aren’t sat around waiting for this.

Some forums are fun to read, I personally only read the Relationships, Chat and AIBU.

And it's not that hard to understand how a post about DINKs would attract non-parents 😋

I think it is fine to choose not to have children. Of course the human race relies on some of us mugs procreating, and the people who don’t have children can rely on us parents to ensure that they have everything they need from the next generation.

i just wish that parentless people would not be smug.

in my experience parentless people find themselves totally alone, whilst people who reproduce do not.

Yeah tbf AIBU is a great entertainment! I've always wondered how people stumble across mumsnet if they don't have children- - I found it when anxiously googling feeding tips with my newborn! I suppose you could say that for any website though!

What's a parentless person?

I've always wondered how people stumble across mumsnet if they don't have children

And that was presumably through a search engine. There's a million non child related topics that come up in the same way.
As I said, I came for the feminism board. Well, that's what I tell people. Really it was the Centre Parcs anal sex thread.

Oops childless people

They will have more disposable income throughout life so will be able to afford care

Oh that's really cool! I stand corrected! I stick to AIBU amd sometimes chat so haven't had a good nosey around.

I like reddit for the crochet and plant groups, can't say I've branched out from there 😅

I've not heard the term Tervery before, and google is only showing it as a surname- what does it mean please?

Just saw your edit. No idea what centre parks anal is about but going there next weekend so will have to have a look 🤭

What has having dual incomes got to do with it?

You could be single with no kids and happy/unhappy.

Single mum/dad and happy/unhappy.

You could be divorced with no kids and be happy/unhappy.

Divorced with kids who don't want to know you/live miles away.

Married but kids not interested.

Married and kids dead.

No kids and find fulfilment in other areas.

Being child free/less doesn't equally unhappy just as being in a marriage/single with kids doesn't mean happy.

Are you saying people with kids are never depressed or never take their own lives?

Happiness comes from within. Don't expect it from someone else.

Just saw your edit. No idea what centre parks anal is about but going there next weekend so will have to have a look

Please report back 😂
There was a thread years ago where someone mentioned anal sex at Centre Parcs like it was the done thing and everyone knew, like why else would you go there?

Tervery is what terfs get up to. MN is considered a particular hotbed of such.

I have friends who are DINKS and don't recognise them as being lonely or depressed or any of the things you say the people you know are. Similarly I know people with kids who aren't happy. I am not sure having kids guarantees you won't be lonely. A lot of people with no kids have the energy to build other relationships and the financial wherewithal to do anything they want.

My mom in law has dementia, we, as an extended family run a rota to keep her in her own home.

tomorrow i shall fetch her to my house am doing gardening will give her a cuppa and she can help sit and watch. On Friday i am picking her up after her meals on wheels, and going to my mums off to a garden centre together, cup of tea and cake, and i can buy what i need.

Friday night off out with my mates.

Saturday daughter, partner and beloved grandchild coming, for weekend.

Sunday Mother’s Day, to me it is ,my daughters day she is now the mother.

Cooking a dinner on Sunday for them all.

Monday flake out.

Tuesday getting ready for holiday on our canal boat

To me life without a family would have no meaning, at all.

Thankfully not everyone who can't have kids see their lives as having no meaning.

You don't need to have children to have family.

@Treesandsheepeverywhere if you cannot have kids, that is a different matter. Sorry if i upset you. I have friends whose choice was taken away from them, i dont think this is the thrust of the thread.

@Karensalright "A life without family would have no meaning at all"

Don't you consider that very narrow minded.

A lot of people have no children or siblings or their patents passed away & thry were raised in care or elsewhere.

It's very rude to say life without family has no meaning when a lot of people gave no family.

What would you suggest these people do?

No way. Quite the opposite. They don't gave to adjust to "empty nests", they've cultivated their own lives whilst others have cultivated their children's so generally have more connections outside of the family. They'll also have been able to save more money which will facilitate then to do more interesting things in their retired years.

Friends who don't have kids sometimes tell me that at least I'll always have my kids, but that isnt guaranteed - my children don't owe me anything and they could choose to live abroad, be too busy with their own lives, or perhaps not even like me as a person and decide not to see me.
I think these friends know full well the reality is that they will have a very full life in their later years, but choose to humour me!

I wouldn't want to spend that much time with family. That sounds stifling.

That doesn’t wash with me I’m afraid. The things you say are just as hurtful to those who cannot have children as they are to those childfree by choice.

And by the way the parents of people without kids get dementia too, but we have to cope with less support than you have.

Throw your loo brushes away first, or whoever inherits your house will be straight on mumsnet to slag you off for being disgusting enough to have them.

And to me, this life would not be what I'd want. Stifling is the perfect word, as per PP. I'm spending all weekend alone with the dog, by choice. And I can't wait. Different things make different people happy. If that means I have to go to a shitty care home when I'm 90 and have dementia, who cares? I'll have dementia, I won't know about it. I'm not going to waste my good years doing things I don't want to do just in case the last 5% of my life is a bit crap.

What is it with smug parents and their obsession over old age and how they'll never have to worry about being lonely but the childless/free will? Is it because it's the only "downside" you can think of for not having kids? It's just cruel really, playing on the natural fear most people have of being alone when at their most vulnerable. Just nasty.

@Karensalright I hope you feel very superior dishing out remarks about how life without family would have no meaning.

Some people don't have family for a whole myriad of reasons- some through choice and some not so.

Life can be meaningful in a number of ways - with children or without am its hugely offensive to say that people without children don't have meaningful lives.

Or if you wanted to strip it back completely, you could argue no one's life has any real meaning- in 100 years none of us will exist and even if you have children, there is no guarantee your children will etc so you also cease to matter in 100 years.

No one has more meaningful lives whether they have children or not. We are all just doing our best with the lives we have.

You obviously haven't read the several posts on here about people in care homes who get no visits from their kids - unless they want something of course!!

You have either led a very sheltered life, or you are naive, if you think people having kids means they won't find themselves totally alone. There was a man in my mother's rest home who had more visitors than anyone else ever did - he had never married and had no children. He also thanked me for going to visit my mum, and told me that some of the people in there didn't get any visitors.