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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think men prefer pale skin??

223 replies

Anastasia2 · 04/03/2024 18:46

Hi just a question to gather some opinions. Me and my friend went into the sauna this morning . A group of women were discussing fake tan & how it's useless as alot of men they've dated prefer lighter skin anyway..
My friend piped up - usually very opinionated and loud and said she's shocked as she's so pale and feels like next to me she looks ill.
(I am ethnic and my skin is a medium.brown shade)
Women proceeded to say about men actually prefer lighter skin, that its human nature and goes back to the eighteenth century.. i thi k these women were demographicallytaling about white males in their late 30s middle class as this seems to be the majority in the club were members at...Next thing a few men came into the sauna & they all got involved..they also said they neither preferred it they just didn't prefer "darker skin" it was a very uncomfortable conversation as I was the only one of colour 😂 but it did get me thinking if its true ..any thoughts?

OP posts:
Woodyandbuzz1 · 04/03/2024 23:26

sweetpickle2 · 04/03/2024 23:22

Who cares what men prefer?

But yes that conversation was racist, as are a few comments on this thread.

Exactly! Who bloody cares 😅

crumbledog · 04/03/2024 23:28

There seems to be something about gym sauna that make men act like obnoxious pricks. In between shaving, gobbing up flem, grunting, you also have to contend with their conversations. I think they consider them their spaces and will speak at length about women in quite derogatory ways. I’m sure it’s done to get women out of them.
Your conversation does nothing to disprove my theory.

Deathbyfluffy · 04/03/2024 23:29

Revelatio · 04/03/2024 18:58

I don’t think women on here can answer what men like. We need to reach out to the universal male spokesman.

And he’s here!
We’re people too, just like women, and all have our own preferences.

I know that’s a daunting thought, but I’m sure with time the populace of MN will learn to accept that men do in fact have their own thoughts, feelings and preferences rather than thinking the same thing as every other man.

Treehuggingmutherfunkin · 04/03/2024 23:29

I'm confused people mentioning just normal white skin, I don't consider that pale. I don't see men actively looking out for a woman that looks like this photo (although I think she is prety)

To think men prefer pale skin??
HollyKnight · 04/03/2024 23:32

I think more men care about boob size than they do about the colour of those boobs.

spookehtooth · 04/03/2024 23:33

Even if "most men liked tans", it doesn't mean the ones you like do, they could be ambivalent like me or dislike tans 🤔So why not go with the only thing you know for sure, what you yourself like?

Hahahe · 04/03/2024 23:37

The club we are at and area situated in is majority white..the women having the convo were early 50s so I suppose there could have been a bit of subtle racism

Nice bit of subtle ageism there. Why on earth would you assume that women in their early 50s would be more likely to be racist. That's really strange.

I don't think it was an appropriate conversation for them to have had. Without hearing the conversation it's hard to know if they were being racist or not but it was definitely an inappropriate conversation.

Bunda · 05/03/2024 00:08

What kind of men? The kind of men that can fuck off

Kattenburg · 05/03/2024 00:09

Hahahe · 04/03/2024 23:37

The club we are at and area situated in is majority white..the women having the convo were early 50s so I suppose there could have been a bit of subtle racism

Nice bit of subtle ageism there. Why on earth would you assume that women in their early 50s would be more likely to be racist. That's really strange.

I don't think it was an appropriate conversation for them to have had. Without hearing the conversation it's hard to know if they were being racist or not but it was definitely an inappropriate conversation.

Ageism, really? Now, imagine a group of fifty-something women capable of these ridiculous claims about what skin colours are more desirable, so not the brightest or nicest of people. Not too far-fetched to think they might really have been envious of OP's youth, if that is the case. Stupid people will be stupid. (I am no spring chicken btw.)

BarbieDangerous · 05/03/2024 00:14

LoopyLooooo · 04/03/2024 18:54

It is horrible to think of anyone preferring lighter skin. I imagine some men do, because racism, but hopefully it isn't common.

It won't always be because of racism. I've met many black people who aren't keen on very dark black skin, and prefer lighter shades.

What you’ve just described is colourism which is rooted from racism. Lighter skinned Black women being ‘allowed’ in their slave masters house to be a house slave. Whereas darker skinned women were not. There’s a very big history about it, you should look it up

Mirabai · 05/03/2024 00:14

Kattenburg · 05/03/2024 00:09

Ageism, really? Now, imagine a group of fifty-something women capable of these ridiculous claims about what skin colours are more desirable, so not the brightest or nicest of people. Not too far-fetched to think they might really have been envious of OP's youth, if that is the case. Stupid people will be stupid. (I am no spring chicken btw.)

Equally OP is may be young and associates racism with older generations. My kids can’t distinguish between me and the “boomers” (I’m 50s) - they just think we’re all old.

Teenagehorrorbag · 05/03/2024 00:46

It was the fashion in Georgian (?) Britain for upper class women to whiten their skin with horrible lead based make up, which I think was poisonous and not great long term. That was just the fashion then - and probably derived from trying to prove you were not some common working woman who had to spend time outdoors. Similar to the idea that being overweight was good because it proved you weren't poor.

I've never heard of paler skin being more attractive in this day and age? Women were wearing rouge at least throughout the last century, and American Tan stockings! As PPs have said - everyone has their own preferences, and hopefully they are more interested than the person than their skin colour anyway!

But equally - if you are Nicole Kidman or someone with gorgeous pale skin and perhaps wanting to avoid the sun - that is a gorgeous look too.

It is true that those of us who are 'white' do often tend to try and get a suntan, or darken our skin with fake tan, as many people feel they look better or healthier with a bit of colour. And it shows off pale coloured clothes much better too. Two hundred years ago I suppose we wouldn't have - but fashions do change. Hopefully we now embrace all skin colours and shades, and appreciate that they can all be gorgeous, I'd hate to think there was a 'preferred' colour nowadays?

What I hate is the bright orange foundation and face make-up that I see at my DDs school - which is such a shame and so unnecessary on those lovely young faces. But I expect I'm a dinosaur.....

Ohnobackagain · 05/03/2024 00:50

@Anastasia2 back in the ‘olden days’ it was more that ‘genteel ladies stayed out of the sun’ whereas the labourers and their families worked outside and naturally caught the sun more. So it became a class indicator that if you were wealthy you were pale and if you were poor you spent more time outside

2021x · 05/03/2024 02:18

Surely there is a different between "tan" "fake-tan" and darker skin tones.

We have all been rejected by men at some point because we aren't their preference. Same with men- its just a preference and what you are attracted to physicially in combination with something that you don't find repulses you.

Devonshiregal · 05/03/2024 02:36

Anastasia2 · 04/03/2024 18:50

Yes that's the statement my friend made but the group of women were adamant it was a "cultural" thing and goes back to their mothers/grandmothers as "dark/brown" skin was an unknown. It was an interesting conversation tbh 😅 but did make me feel a bit crappy as I'm.recently single and have low self esteem as it is

Your friends were being thoughtless dickheads.

they’re right, men prefer natural tone (of whatever colour) over streaky or orange fake tan. They are absolutely wrong that men like pale skin tones over dark ones. This is insanity. Who are these people they’re talking about? How can they make this sweeping statement? They’ve heard this theory on historical preference for pale skin and they’re trying to make themselves feel better about being pale. (Which they shouldn’t have to do - there have been fashions, and continue to be fashions, for women and skin tone…both dark and light…but it’s the media and women who perpetuate them. Not men. And it is all based on commercialism, of course.)

but they are absolutely wrong in what they’re saying. You cannot say what individuals like or don’t like - every woman on this thread will have a different “type”. Same goes for men.

Also, men do not get swept up in the same body fashions women do. Whether that is current or 18th century 🙄

For the most part they think too much fake of anything is silly - puffed up lips, extra hair, tonnes of fake tan, etc.

A man likes what he likes - big bums or small bums or tall girls or short girls.

some have types and only go for that, some have varied tastes.

As someone with incredibly pale skin, which I’ve always been insecure about (and had other women belittle me for) I can tell you I’ve never, funnily enough, had a man make a single comment on me being too pale. Whether they themselves have been light, dark or somewhere in the middle.

I have, however, seen many a man look confused and chuckle at women with big fake eye lashes, too much plastic surgery, too much filler, too much tan, obvious extensions, etc. and ask why we feel the need to do these strange things to ourselves.

and I can assure you, if a man looks at you he is either finding you attractive or not - that is not based on anything other than HIS own personal attraction.

i don’t know why some women do this shit. I’ve had women literally tell me that “pale skin just isn’t attractive” or that it makes them “feel sick as you can see veins”. Of course they then turn round and go “oh, not you of course. Just other people with pale skin.”

and not just skin - hair, clothing choices, ankle size. It’s bullying.

you need to decide whether your friends were being ignorant of their comments and trying to reassure themselves, or whether they were trying to boost themselves by tearing you down. But don’t absorb this ridiculous concept and take it forward with you into dating and every day life. It is not true. You are beautiful and I don’t need to see your skin tone to know that.

Westfacing · 05/03/2024 06:54

Anastasia2 · 04/03/2024 22:19

Why put a question mark here???

Because it's a very strange turn of phrase - in all my long years I've never heard a person of colour say I am ethnic to describe themselves.

teacrumpetsandcake · 05/03/2024 07:09

Did anyone acknowledge that you had this whole conversation based on the idea that 'what men prefer' is something that every woman should be aspiring to?

I don't know what men prefer (and I don't think 'men' are a homogenous group anyway) but why not focus on your own preferences, your own body, your own skin, for you?

teacrumpetsandcake · 05/03/2024 07:11

Westfacing · 05/03/2024 06:54

Because it's a very strange turn of phrase - in all my long years I've never heard a person of colour say I am ethnic to describe themselves.

And now you have - what's your point?

OP can describe herself however she likes.

greasypolemonkeyman · 05/03/2024 07:22

I'm a very fair skinned red head with pale blue/grey eyes and every single man I've ever been naked with has absolutely loved the contrast of my skin against theirs. It's not an exaggeration to say they literally marvel at it and were constantly holding up my arms and legs to theirs and running their hands over every inch of my skin. My nipples and vulva are also a very very pale pink (palest I've ever seen) and my public hair is a rose gold colour and this seemed to blow their minds clean open 😂🤷🏼‍♀️. On the plus side I've never ever struggled to a full body massage but I do occasionally wish they could just let it go and feel line it's a bit fetishy. I'd I go to Tunisia/Morocco on holiday we are quite the spectacle.... my teenage daughter is almost as pale as I am and has long blond hair. The hotel staff trying to pull her and get her to go down to the beach at night time has a battery of nicknames for her. White chocolate, milky dream, fat khaleesi 🥴🤪

Been with my DH for 21 years now and he still runs his hands over me constantly when I'm naked and loves my body and colouring.

greasypolemonkeyman · 05/03/2024 07:26

CuriousWhy · 04/03/2024 19:09

Anyway I am happy that my (very!) pale white husband chose an Asian wife. Our kids are olive-skinned and don’t burn in the sun; we joke that he only married me for the melanin.

Two of my children are ghostly pale and burn under a 100w lightbulb and the other two go a beautiful olive tone with the slightest bit of sun. After a week in a hot country they don't even look like the same race as me, it totally transforms them. I have to say I worry a LOT less about the risks of sun damage/skin cancer with those two .

SoundTheSirens · 05/03/2024 07:27

Anastasia2 · 04/03/2024 19:04

Thanks
I'm glad posters are picking up on the racist undertones as it kind of felt that way tbh hence why I posted it on here to make sense of it 🫤. The club we are at and area situated in is majority white..the women having the convo were early 50s so I suppose there could have been a bit of subtle racism. But when the group of men came in and started agreeing just really confused me as they're always pleasant to me so then I had to question myself that maybe they just genuinely had a ppint/preference lol.

Yes, it does sound like there was some inherent racism at play which must have been uncomfortable for you, OP. I hope they reflect on it in the same way you need to reflect on your casual ageism. It’s not age that determines whether someone is racist or not.

(Also, a small point but everyone “is ethnic”. That’s a weird way to describe yourself as a woman of colour; everyone has an ethnicity.)

drumbeats · 05/03/2024 07:30

greasypolemonkeyman · 05/03/2024 07:22

I'm a very fair skinned red head with pale blue/grey eyes and every single man I've ever been naked with has absolutely loved the contrast of my skin against theirs. It's not an exaggeration to say they literally marvel at it and were constantly holding up my arms and legs to theirs and running their hands over every inch of my skin. My nipples and vulva are also a very very pale pink (palest I've ever seen) and my public hair is a rose gold colour and this seemed to blow their minds clean open 😂🤷🏼‍♀️. On the plus side I've never ever struggled to a full body massage but I do occasionally wish they could just let it go and feel line it's a bit fetishy. I'd I go to Tunisia/Morocco on holiday we are quite the spectacle.... my teenage daughter is almost as pale as I am and has long blond hair. The hotel staff trying to pull her and get her to go down to the beach at night time has a battery of nicknames for her. White chocolate, milky dream, fat khaleesi 🥴🤪

Been with my DH for 21 years now and he still runs his hands over me constantly when I'm naked and loves my body and colouring.

Well of course. The men you are naked with will be men that find you attractive. You would hardly be in bed with a man recoiling from your pale skin.
Like many people have said, different people are attracted to different people. The people who find you attractive find you attractive. The ones that don't wouldn't be in bed with you

fairymary87 · 05/03/2024 07:35

I mean preference is a thing, Im white but prefer darker skin, my partner is Asian. Just find him so much more attractive than men with white skin I guess. Pasty boys be se do it for me

KimberleyClark · 05/03/2024 07:36

It was Coco Chanel who first made tanning fashionable, in the 1920s. She accidentally got tanned on a Mediterranean cruise.

I’m fair skinned but not pale. I don’t tan easily but like my skin as it is. So does my DH.

ohdamnitjanet · 05/03/2024 07:38

napody · 04/03/2024 18:58

That's called 'colourism' - look it up. Definite racist undertones to that too...

I didn’t realise there was a name to it. I sat thumbing through magazines in a West Indian hairdresser’s about 2O years ago and I was sad to see the back pages were full of adverts for skin lightening treatments.
But I don’t think men particularly care as long as it isn’t fake tan - an attractive woman is an attractive woman. I’ve never heard a man express a preference on skin tone.

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