To veto DH taking baby out on push bike?!

[Amidying]

We have a 19 month old son. DH has got it in his head that at some point in the future, he is going to take DS out on his push bike with one of those seats that go on the back of a bike! Now he hasn’t specified what age DS would be but it would be pre-school age by the sound of it. I have said no way will I allow it as it’s not safe. This is not an essential mode of transport either, so I totally understand that for some people there is no choice but to travel this way with their child, but we have 2 cars! This would be to ride a short distance on the road to our local park or beach which is about 10 mins, but I still can’t get onboard with the idea.

I said to him: We have just spent £300 getting the safest car seat we could afford and you want to take him out on a push bike before he can even ride a bike himself?! He reckons I am being the overprotective mother and it will teach him road safety and help him learn how to ride a bike responsibly. I reckon he is insane and we are at a standoff.

His argument is that his dad did it with him when he was little and it’s one of his earliest happy memories, which is all lovely but we have come a long way safety wise since then. When I was a kid people used to smoke next to me, car seats weren’t a thing, my cousins and me used to pile into car with some of us in the footwells! So where does it end? We have to move with the times surely?! I would prefer to teach DS to ride when the time comes and when he reaches the right age he can do a road safety awareness course or something, I dunno. I hadn’t really thought about it because for me it’s way off into the future!

UABU= chill sista, let them ride
UANBU= its insane and unsafe

I take my daughter to nursery on the bike, have done since she was 1 (she's nearly 3 now). She's fine, we're safe, although we're in London we have separated cycle paths most of the way. To me, it sounds crazier to drive a 10 minute trip to the park! All you'd be doing is increasing traffic on residential roads and increasing the danger to other people's children. Start out with a front mounted seat (e.g. Yepp Mini) and move to a rear mounted seat when they're 2ish.

All my 3 children travelled on pushbike seats when they were young. We only had one car which my OH drove to work so I used to ride to and from nursery, school, friends houses etc. We even used to hire them on our holidays. We all loved it as a way to travel. Never had an accident and we live in a city so used to just cycle on the roads

Studies have found motorists are extra careful around female cyclists and I’m pretty sure this will extend to any cyclists with baby carriers too.

Can I just say that I really admire your openness, OP. We have all been brought up in a world that says cars are best, and they must be bigger and bigger to keep us safe. It’s really hard to break with that.

Your child will be less exposed to pollution on the bike than in the car. It’s a really positive thing to do.

I do know this. The stats don’t really show what would happen if a car hits another car compared to if the same incident happened to a bike though does it?

I have a certain sympathy with the OP. If your OH is basing this plan on his rose-tinted memories of stuff he did with his Dad, then it is worth him considering that traffic has changed since he was small.

All humans on bikes are vulnerable in traffic - the smaller the human, the greater the vulnerability.

A lot depends on the route he will be cycling and the amount and speed of the traffic.

Having worked for a trauma service, I guess this colours my view - everything is fine until it isn't. And when it isn't ..........

I think it depends where you live. Here it's extremely common.

I used to cycle DC to nursery at that age, although we had a front-mounted seat so I could always see DC which made me feel better until older.

I think it depends a lot on the roads/tracks being used and the confidence of the cyclist, but in people totally a good thing,

In a park or on a cycle path it’s fine. On the roads I would not allow this and would not compromise. Too many cuntish drivers around.

Im with you ! There is so much more traffic everywhere now than when he was young. I would hold off if you can .If only 10 mins then surely he can walk? Buggy /pavement

We live in a busy city just on the outskirts and it is totally normal here. If you cycle regularly then you know it's an acceptable risk to take a kid on your bike. You can't live life risk free.

I wouldn´t even do this on six Riojas. I drive behind, usually men, with these seats attached to their bikes, and think they are bonkers. Have to laugh at those talking about fresh air, in a city surrounded by exhaust pipes?
Also, to those saying that bikes are safer than cars? My brother´s best friend was smashed into when she was on a bike, in a city roundabout, the car forgot to give way. Her parents couldn´t have an open casket. If a car is going to do that to you, much safer in a car, the chasis will take the hit. My daughter is 5 and can ride a bike, luckily we are in a private area with no traffic. YANBU.

Because when he is riding his own bike he will be a lot older, and physically a lot less vulnerable. Children’s bones and physiology is way more vulnerable under the age of 4. Also, when he is learning road awareness he wouldn’t be cycling the whole route to the beach to start with. We would build up slowly. Like you say, it’s risky but he’s got to learn it at some point. My argument is why does he need to learn it at such a tender and vulnerable age.

My DS could cycle 20km easily at 5, all about the right bike and how long they’ve been cycling and snack deployment. He cycled to preschool, primary and still cycling now (by himself) to secondary.

I did find once he was very competent (ie riding in a straight line, watching out for obstacles and good road sense) at around 7 we started riding on roads, he still wasn’t that quick, as little wheels, and drivers would get really impatient and close pass so I started riding two abreast to keep him safe, as he was small and not easy to see. Now he’s faster than me, we don’t really need to but will when we need to.

Agree completely they need to immediately follow instructions and be close enough to hear you. Like PP he learnt how to signal turns from the back of our bikes but was a little while before he could do it on his own bike and still balance.

I don't trust other road users.

Have you not noticed how cyclists are treated these days?

Do you cycle regularly @Nanny0gg ?

Tbh it’s a 10 min drive. Would probably be more on a bike. I wouldn’t know as I don’t cycle. Would probably take 40 mins for us to walk him there without a buggy. With a buggy would be about 20 mins and I would prefer this.

I wouldn’t do it as I am not a confident cyclist but if DH is, why not?

I live in a village. But to get anywhere we have to at least cross a main A road.

One of my children lives in a nearby city where there are lots of cycle paths.

So where you think it would be quieter it's a nightmare (vast HGVs coming through) and where it's really built up it's much safer

I'm pleased to read your updates and see that you are willing to change your mind on this. Honestly, this is SO normal in places like you describe living in. My husband has had our daughter on the back of his bike since she was one. Always wearing a helmet and he researched the best bike seats and chose one of them. She absolutely loves going on Daddy's bike. As long as you trust your husband's road awareness and road safety then that is your focus - I trust my husband so I trust this decision. Good luck with your decision OP, I really hope you manage to get through your fear and anxieties and your husband gets to do this with your little one 😊

Because these days it's the other traffic rather than the cyclist.

It would never be worth the risk to me

I'm inclined to agree with you OP. I grew up in a Western European country that's very bike friendly - think lots of segregated cycle lanes, a huge "cycling" network etc. Cars are used to cyclists and police are incredibly strict (with both drivers as well as cyclists), so drivers generally are pretty careful around bikes. I cycled to school on my own from about aged 9-10 and it was perfectly safe.

However, here in the UK that's a very different story. It does depend somewhat as to where you live and if the roads are busy - e.g. when I was a student in a leafy, posh part of town I did own a bike and rode it to uni every day as I could stay off the main roads and there was a bike/pedestrian bridge etc so I mostly avoided cars altogether.
Other than those type of streets or on specific cycle paths and/or in parks, there's no way I'm cycling in this country. It's ridiculously dangerous - drivers pay no notice and pass cyclists far too closely without slowing down. I don't own a bike now because of this.

So in general, YANBU unless your DH is planning to cycle on quiet streets only.

Sorry to hear about your brothers friend, that’s so sad. This is exactly my point to all those that are saying accidents are more likely when you’re in a car. If you are faced with the very same incident either on bike or in a car, being in a car is more protective, fact!

Wow I’m really surprised at this attitude - I live in London and it is so common to See kids on bike seats near me - pretty much every family I know does it for the nursery drop off, including me. We only use quiet roads and it is quicker and more environmentally friendly than the car and the kids absolutely love it. No issues with parking, can get the bike right up to the door/entrance of wherever we are going, so convenient and a nice bit of exercise for me too. Obviously put a helmet on the kid and don’t do it if you’re not confident cycling. Otherwise fine.

It’s a perfectly normal thing to do. I would say it would be weird to get in a car and drive 10 mins to the park. It’s not risk free but nothing in life is.