To expect DH to not go to football training?

[mrsfruitloop]

I have a tummy tuck consultation on Friday and DS has football training (DH is an assistant coach) all of the consultations are on a Friday so it means I will never be able to go. DH is refusing to miss any training days to allow me to go to the consultation.

He won’t let my mum come and babysit the kids either as he doesn’t want her at our house apparently.

I feel like he is just doing to to stop me from going! He keeps saying it’s a waste of money and I should be spending it on the kids and our family not myself.

@YeahIsaidit

“a smelly, floppy gut”

how misogynistic.

And you wonder why Op so desperately wants surgery to change how she looks.

It's pretty much how she herself described it. Lots of people want lots of different expensive things but the responsible lot prioritise bills that should be paid over them

@YeahIsaidit

its having a huge impact on her self esteem. She absolutely should be able to have this surgery. Some things are more important than paying off debt and this is one of them. She and her op have the rest of their life to pay off the debt.

If I were the OP's DH, listening to her talk about "my house" and "your debts", I would be pissed off with her too. It's the financial inequality that's the issue here, and the fact that his contribution isn’t respected.

If that issue wasn't there, then a sensible conversation could probably be had about when to spend on the surgery vs repaying thier joint debt. As it is, they will likely divorce because there is contempt on one side and probably resentment on the other.

Sounds like the tummy flap is not the only excess skin you need to get rid of. I hope it goes well for you - you should do what makes you happy. He is a complete waste of space (and skin) - hope leaving him goes well. Could you cope after your tuck by yourself? I hope so.

If you read all of the OP's posts, it is clear that the debts are jointly hers (but she's labelled them as his to make him sound bad), her DH is a SAHD to a 1yo, provides wraparound care for their other children, and also works 3 evenings a week. That's not my definition of a waste of space.

You get your surgery op. I'm for women getting things to feel better for themselves f him you can find another way

OP I'm going to be honest and say that Ive only read your posts.

Right now, a tummy tuck is the least of your concerns. It can wait a bit longer but what you need to do is end this non-relationship.
He is controlling you and doesn't want you to look/feel great about yourself .

Oh, and he is financially abusing you.
You shouldn't be paying off his debts and he shouldn't be working the minimum that he can get away with while you're fully subsidising the whole family.

As MN often says, get your ducks in a row and kick him out.
Please also see a solicitor.

You'll get your tummy tuck one day... you really will.

It isn't just his debt, it was jointly accrued but OP has decided that the assets are hers and the debt is his. If there's financial abuse it's her abusing him. He is working part time enabling her career whilst doing the bulk of the childcare and rather than paying off debt, she wants to spend a ridiculous amount of money on herself whilst saying that he's lazy and spending all day doing sod all with a one year old!

@YeahIsaidit

you do realise that c section scars tend to protrude regardless of a persons weight right?

and as I say I’m sure she is capable of washing herself just fine. Did you not read the bit about her showering twice a day??

Yeah, I read them, thanks. I think he sounds like a waste of space given his amount of work/not work, refusal to increase his earnings, letting her pay most of the bills but still moaning about what he pays for, being completely inflexible about childcare and not wanting her mother in the house because he 'cant relax'.

You are clearly an apologist for poor behaviour by men, but hey, you do you. I continue to say he is a waste of space and OP would be better off without him.

Did you read the other posts of others' that had c-sections and didn't have the smell issue encouraging OP to find out what was going on.

Anyone can say they shower twice a day, doesn't necessarily mean they're washing correctly and no harm but unless there's an infection which would be very obvious, smell means not clean

@YeahIsaidit

its not just the smell, it’s that she feels she doesn’t look right in her clothes etc. it’s about her appearance too.

You’d almost thing the drip feed was tactical. Lots of people don’t bother to read anything but the op so you’re continually getting posts saying how bad he is, when the reality is very different

well played op

Did you consider that perhaps he doesn't want to work more hours just to pump that money into extortionate nursery fees? Which is the case with a lot of SAHM on here and they're encouraged!!

New mums up and down the land don't feel happy with their appearance c-section or not. OPs youngest is a year old, not many people, particularly those with older DC bounce right back, it takes time. It doesn't mean it's alright to spend money you can't afford on surgery and DH isn't the bad guy for saying debt should be paid off before considering that option

Leave. Definitely leave. You hold all the cards and you're not putting him in this position. He's put himself in this position but being workshy. Do not feel guilty for wanting a better life.

Did you actually read ALL of her posts? Or just the initial one?

Financial abuse in plain sight
excused by some posters because it’s a male victim

shocking but not surprising. The double standards are sometimes more subtle but this thread is a pretty blatant example.

I wouldn't say that the OP holds all the cards. If they divorce, then it is clear that her DH is the primary caregiver, and that is likely to be reflected in any settlement.

Regardless of what OP may have claimed about the debts being in his name and the house being in hers, both will be considered joint in a divorce. The debt was run up jointly and the house is the marital home that the children are being raised in.

And then she can enjoy paying maintenance, losing at least half the equity from "her house" having to pay at least half of "his debt" and actually pay for childcare rather than DH saving them a fortune on nursery fees

I look forward to seeing SAHMs being condemned as workshy wastes of space on a future thread....

Exactly, double standards and misandry at its finest

Workshy? He is a stay at home parent of a one year old! Between them they accrued debt, instead of concentrating on paying the debt off she want what to all intents and purposes is a cosmetic operation.

Switch the position and he wanted to buy a motorbike and I am sure that the responses would be much different