Just told DH I will Divorce him over a fucking wedding Part two

[KeenHiker]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5018658-just-told-dh-i-will-divorce-him-over-a-fucking-wedding

I can’t believe the responses that I had.

Essentially I am going to that wedding so it won’t backfire on me and then as people have suggested reassess when everything has calmed down after Easter.

I am never going to look at MiL in the same light as she clearly thinks my daughter is an impediment to her own granddaughter.

This has all been a massive reality check, I imagine.

Agree.

And she needs to accept the information she was told from the start, and make a decision whether she wants to actually accept they are doing nothing wrong by not treating an unrelated child the same as their own child and teach her daughters that you have different lives because I had you with different dads, or she can leave, return to just her parenting eldest DD, with little DD going between OP and DH. Those are her options.

Or she can teach her daughters that relationships are about just that. Relationships and not " bloodlines ".
As many, many people already know.

I wouldn't be able to look my husband in the eyes after all this without feeling utterly repulsed.

You are beyond predictable. I nearly didn't bother posting because you would falsely claim how it's all about the details, when it's not. It's about them all being the same (non) relation as the DD.

You quoted those 'details' champ. 😄

I don't give a stuff who else wasn't invited. Just don't think you cherry pick child invitees from a family group.

@WillYouPutYourCoatOn

The joke that OP knew exactly how it was but still decided to marry into the family and knowingly put her own DD in this position.

You what? That this was going to happen? Really ?

Lots of families aren't like this.

This!

There is absolutely no emotion whatsoever from the "asset protecting" people!

This is not me trying to spin a narrative - they're narrating it all by themselves.

It's kind of irrelevant. The point was, they were all like the equivalent step relation as the DD and so they had all not received an invite, on the basis, if you invite one you have to invite the other six.m

I'm kind of imagining this big chart.

""Right, if we invite this 10 yr old child , along with the rest of her immediate family, who are coming <points big stick > Technically we have to invite these 2 x 30 year old couples and their baby....
So let's remove the kid, and voila... "

What. A. Joke.

Who thinks like this?

Um, yes she does. She doesn't want him to let him pay for his daughter to have a private education.

Um, yes she does. She doesn't want him to let him pay for his daughter to have a private education.

She wants parity, which is different.

Yes, she knew. She knew from the off that her DD wasn't considered a grandchild to his parents. She knew from 5 years ago when wills were drawn that her DD was not in his.

I mean short of a diagram in Crayola, she couldn't fail to understand that her daughter was not a biological relative and viewed as not a biological relative. Yet now all the surprise at exactly what she signed her and her child up for.

I mean short of a diagram in Crayola, she couldn't fail to understand that her daughter was not a biological relative and viewed as not a biological relative. Yet now all the surprise at exactly what she signed her and her child up for.

As lots of PP have pointed out not everyone views relationships through simple biology.

Many families include any family as family.
Takes more than sperm. So biological just doesn't cut it as a criteria in many many people's books.

Clearly you're all about the 'bloodline'.

And no I don't think you automatically "sign up" as you call it, to that.

Call it what you like. She doesn't want the father to pay for his own child's education unless he additionally gifts the same (thousands and thousands) to a child he is already covering the day to day expenses and parenting for because her own father can't be arsed.

Little DD can just miss out on everything unless eldest DD gets extra from mum or a huge financial gift from a stepdad who did not ever agree to finance OP's child's education.

Also, little DD can just suck it up that mummy saves nothing for her. All for eldest DD. Because if you have unrelated savings from your grandparents why would you care how differently your mother treats you eh. Again, fine by OP. As long as the bias is to eldest DD, it's all fine with OP.

Are you really this hard of understanding?

Who cares what "not everyone" or "I" think. It's what the family thinks.

And what OP openly knew but had another child and married into the family. Yet now has a problem with.

Call it what you like, it's a family of four . With 2 daughters.

Good of him to " cover her expenses " though.

@AllThePotatoesAreSinging

Yes plenty!!!

They are pre teens

FYI
0-12m: baby
1-3yrs: toddler
3-4: pre-schooler
5-8: early childhood (small child)
9-12yrs: pre-teenager
13-18yrs: teenager

For goodness sake many girls get their period and begin to wear training bras at 10 - they are not ‘small children’.

As long as the bias is to eldest DD, it's all fine with OP.

I mean, this is just completely absurd when it's the eldest who's excluded, made out to be a burden and has no inheritance coming her way. Jesus!

Are you really this hard of understanding?
I don't AGREE not don't understand. Leave off the attacks eh?
*
Who cares what "not everyone" or "I" think. It's what the family thinks.*

Yep. Cos we're on MN.
*
And what OP openly knew but had another child and married into the family. Yet now has a problem with.*

No I don't think she realised that there was such an emotional gulf between her and DH.
And no you don't PRESUME your child will become a 2nd class citizen.

Well yes, it is. Because he's under no obligation too. That's her dad's responsibility. You talk as if all the food, housing, clothing, activities, birthdays, toys, etc are nothing. How nice it would be if we all had someone who was neither parent funding all that for our child.

You seem to be as entitled as OP.

She was told quite clearly that the DD would not be considered a biological relative. I mean you can "how could she know" all you like, it seems ridiculous though because the answer is, she was categorically told.

The only thing she presumed is that she'd get them to change that after a few years.

@Surprisedbuthappy

Yes but her individual emotional, physical, financial needs and every whim going are being prioritised by OP over the needs of her younger daughter and the overall stability of the family.

The inheritance isn’t DD1’s!
She will inherit from her paternal and maternal family’s… not step family’s responsibility to step in just because they have more than former.

*Well yes, it is. Because he's under no obligation too. That's her dad's responsibility. You talk as if all the food, housing, clothing, activities, birthdays, toys, etc are nothing. How nice it would be if we all had someone who was neither parent funding all that for our child.

You seem to be as entitled as OP.*

😄😄😄😁🤣🤣🤣

By your argument you could say " he signed up for it."

Or you could presume DM & DH you know had a relationship that was strong enough for marriage. He took her on ( with child ) and she took him on.

You know a , loving relationship.

Don't really think emotions come into your world do they?

You sound like you're from another era.

Yes but her individual emotional, physical, financial needs and every whim going are being prioritised by OP over the needs of her younger daughter and the overall stability of the family.

Not true.

The inheritance isn’t DD1’s!
She will inherit from her paternal and maternal family’s… not step family’s responsibility to step in just because they have more than former.

True, but not the point. To make out that there is bias towards the eldest daughter is just ridiculous.

@Surprisedbuthappy

i don’t know how I can make it any clearer to you.

THEY ARE NOT HER FAMILY.

Yes but her individual emotional, physical, financial needs and every whim going are being prioritised by OP over the needs of her younger daughter and the overall stability of the family

Doesn't sound particularly stable if she can't come to a wedding when the rest of her family go.

Only stable if she knows her place, 2nd class.

Does it need to cut it in anyone else’s book? It’s their book, they’re the ones that get to make that call.

OP knew that she married into a family where her older child wouldn’t be considered one of ‘their own’, and she accepted that. Considering she was the one responsible for said child, it was on her to find out precisely what that meant, and actually take what was communicated to her at face value.

If she wanted to marry into a family where bloodline was unimportant then she shouldn’t have married into this one.

Does it need to cut it in anyone else’s book? It’s their book, they’re the ones that get to make that call.

Err, Of course

*OP knew that she married into a family where her older child wouldn’t be considered one of ‘their own’, and she accepted that. Considering she was the one responsible for said child, it was on her to find out precisely what that meant, and actually take what was communicated to her at face value.

If she wanted to marry into a family where bloodline was unimportant then she shouldn’t have married into this one.*

I expect she'd agree with you on that.