Wedding menu

[imnewhere2024]

DP and I recently got engaged (yay) so we are starting to plan the wedding. We are at very early stages but have run into a very interesting question. DP and I are both vegetarian for ethical reasons with our families and most of our friends being meat eaters. Venues are asking our preferences for menus so they can provide us costs so we need to make a choice on whether to provide meat or do a vegetarian only dinner.

For clarity, when we go out to dinner with meat eaters we have no issue with people ordering a meat option, but given we are the ones footing the bill, it feels like we have a say over what they eat. Honestly, we don’t feel good about paying for meat to be consumed on our wedding day, and would be offering a decent range of veggie options (not your bog standard risotto or tofu loaf etc) Friends have never complained about our dietary choices when we go to their homes or events, its pretty easy these days to cater for and we are not picky eaters at all but I feel weird imposing our vegetarian ideas on them. Has anyone faced the same issue issue or have any insight ?

A meatless roast dinner would be my idea of heaven, @MereDintofPandiculation! If we’re going back to the 1960s, the poor veggies would have probably got a pile of grated cheese and a limp lettuce leaf while they enviously eyed up the delicious roast veg 😂

Veggie pasta and pizza sounds great. Vegetarian Indian food sounds even better if you are Indian! I would pick one “plain food” option on the menu for any unadventurous eaters and fussy children, something without any controversial ingredients, like goats cheese or mushrooms, and that most meat eaters eat regularly eg Margarita pizza or a cheddar and onion quiche or mozzarella and tomato ravioli.

Avoid quorn! Fake meat is grim anyway but lots of people are intolerant to quorn. The last thing you want is guests trying it for the first time and spending half the night in the loo 😂

I see your point, but there are other options for vegetarian roast dinners. Plus, there would be no meat on their plates to remove. If it’s a good restaurant it would be lovely, the best part of a roast even for me as a meat eater is all the veg and Yorkshire puddings! But I do see what you’re saying.

But I don't think people should be made to try things they don't want I don't get the superiority there. You wouldn't try a meat product, someone else wouldn't try a fake meat product, can you not see the irony?

Congratulations on your engagement OP. You and DFiancé should absolutely have a menu that makes you happy and does not cause you any ethical concerns. Serve food you like and give no thought about what people like your future BIL might think. There are some amazing examples of CFs on here - people who are unkind, impose on others, are rude/demanding - you don't fit the bill for a Bridezilla by serving a delicious pasta dish, and lots of starters and desserts are veggie by default?! Wishing you all the best.

Should two meat eaters serve meat, vegetarian and vegan options?

Im not vegetarian but I enjoy a lot of vegetarian dishes so no meat wouldn’t bother me. But I think it will bother others.

I've literally just hosted an evening of kids, adults and teens, all eating and drinking. Around half were vegetarian, so I made vegetarian food for everyone, to save any cross-contamination/accidental meat eating (happened previously ) etc. Everyone was happy with it. I'd be amazed at someone 'kicking off' because their meat needs weren't met for one meal.

We didn't serve meat at our wedding, and of our entire wedding only 1 person said something beforehand but then on the day everyone raved about the food and said it was so much better than the standard roast dinner served at weddings.

I went to a wedding that was vegetarian catering for all, it went down like a lead balloon and the guests were bribing the hotel staff for bacon sandwiches.

I wouldn't have eaten the fake chorizo either, it's rank. I don't eat frankenfood and neither does anyone else in my family.

I think you're well within your rights to serve a vegetarian menu, but you will have to toughen up a bit and accept that some guests will be disappointed. There are still a lot of people who don't feel satisfied by a vegetarian meal and won't view your menu as a celebration meal or anything to get excited about. Hopefully nobody will be rude enough to upset you on the day (I would eat what I was given and stfu), but some will be wishing there was meat. That's life, people differ. If you've decided that your principles are more important than pleasing everyone, then own that decision and don't scrutinise everyone's reactions and expect universal rapture from people who wouldn't choose to eat that way.

Also nobody I know eats meat in every single meal anyway, due to health reasons mostly. The one guest that "didn't eat vegetarian food" had the grace to admit he hadn't really thought about the fact that salad, potatoes, couscous, chickpeas, lentils etc are all vegetarian.

Just order a veggie menu all meat eaters eat vegetables

Some weird responses.

Of course a wedding reflects the couple's beliefs and culture. If guests accept the invitation yes, it 'forces' it on them for the day if you're the kind of person who chooses to see things like that.

Vegetarianism is part of the OP and her fiancé's ethical beliefs. These are as valid as any religious reasons for not serving any or certain meats at a wedding and nobody would question those.

Serve vegetarian food only. Most people will expect it. Even committed and unadventurous meat eaters will sometimes order macaroni cheese or Margherita pizza voluntarily so it's bollocks that they'll be left bereft if they can't have meat.

As a PP says, goats cheese is quite divisive as are mushrooms and butternut squash so I would make sure there are options with none of these.

Don't apologise for not having meat and don't make a big deal of it.

Serving vegetarian food is fine! I think you need to stop worrying about your guests making comments. Everyone has different preferences so you're never going to have everyone's perfect day - if any of your guests wants to find something to complain about they'll probably find something! Plan the day that the two of you want, veggie food is really nothing offensive.

I’m an omnivore and wouldn’t think twice about an all veggie menu.

People don’t ‘need’ meat. All meat eaters often eat things that happen to be vegetarian, surely?

And who accepts hospitality and then moans about it? So rude!

The main thing is that the food is good, and plentiful enough, the atmosphere happy, celebratory and fun.

I went to a wedding a couple of years ago that was vegan. The food was bloody amazing and not one person complained.

In your shoes, OP, I’d definitely serve a vegetarian menu but I would let guests know. Then the sort of halfwits who can’t bear a meatless meal can excuse themselves.

Issue with this as a veggie is it’s not unusual for roast potatoes etc to be cooked in animal fat.

i would not eat a roast dinner that wasn’t specifically veggie.

plus it’s a bit “here’s a nice meal for all you meat eaters, the veggies can have the leftovers”

not really in the ethos of the bride and groom, giving them half a meal.

Don’t we know it at buffets when all the veggie options get eaten by the meat eaters 😂

this is interesting - we went to a wedding last year where we had to pay for 2 nights hotel, our petrol and a gift and were given bland risotto cakes and a small salad where as the meat eaters had a full blown roast meal with all the trimmings. We didn’t complain, accepted that the food was what it was and continued with the celebration. Same happened whenever we go to a pub with future in laws - they often pick somewhere that has amazing meat options but 1 crap veggie option. DP literally has a medley of carrots when we went for a xmas meal. Where was the thoughtfulness for us then ?

It is interesting that most veggies are expected to be grateful (and are) for a different dish and are quite forgiving if that meal is a bit poor as we are happy to be eating and accept it’s our choice. However, having experienced bad food, I would never want to be offering sub par food and think going to an Italian restaurant gives us a good chance of offering a good veggie meal.

I completely think you should have the vegetarian menu you want (probs wouldn't want fake meat but there are lots of good vegetarian options)

However, I don't get these comments putting down people who eat meat. Absolutely wouldn't be acceptable to do so about vegetarians so why are people being derogatory? I've read commens after comment calling people ignorant, demonstrating people think theyre infinitely superior and talking about not needing to eat meat (no one actually really needs to be vegetarian either but that's beside the point) etc when in reality no one has criticised Op's decision?

Have the meal you want. Some will like it, some won't. You wont satisfy everyone whatever you do.

And as an omnivore even if I was served goats cheese, my absolute bete noir and I cannot put it in my mouth without retching, I would simply leave it on the side of my plate and eat whatever else was available. And not moan.

Just as I would if served raw fish as part of sushi, or a slice of black pudding or haggis (currently v popular in cheffy circles if Masterchef is anything to go by).

Going by the responses of 'Its your wedding do what you want to do', logic would mean as I am a meat eater I can offer only meat dishes at my wedding and that is perfectly acceptable? 🤔

Of course not, because this thread absolutely has double standards, and a heavy attitude of superiority of vegetarianism over meat eating thrown in as well.

But if the caterers know that there are veggie guests then they can roast the potatoes in vegetable or sunflower oil. I don’t see it as a nice meal for meat eaters and everyone else can have left overs. That’s only if you see it as left overs. If you frame it as it’s meant like ‘’roast dinner for everyone, choice of meat or no meat’’ so it’s inclusive rather than exclusive it’s hardly left overs. I think people are thinking too deeply into it. It’s just a roast dinner 😂

Regardless, OP should just do as she pleases and let the moaners moan, it’s her day.

I’ve always pondered this. Mainly because meat eaters would cater to vegetarians and it feels wrong the other way round somehow.

For the sake of a wedding, it’s fine to offer normal food with no meat, as long as it’s not vegan. Plenty of pasta etc is easily delicious to even meat heads. Just want to ensure people are fed and soak up the alcohol!

Well you offer what people 'can' eat. Meat eaters can eat non-meat food. Especially as it's vegetarian and not vegan in this case!
OP, have it all vegetarian. But also, make sure it's clear on the invites so that those who feel very strongly can uninvite themselves.

if they're close enough to be invited surely they'll know you're veggie. And will be expecting this anyway.

Not quite the same but, we had an afternoon tea at our wedding and some older family members were not happy. but that's because they'd been to previous events with stingy portions, 2 small cakes and 3 finger sandwiches.

Our caterer was amazing, food was constantly replenished. Everyone ended up stuffed and happy!