Wedding menu

[imnewhere2024]

DP and I recently got engaged (yay) so we are starting to plan the wedding. We are at very early stages but have run into a very interesting question. DP and I are both vegetarian for ethical reasons with our families and most of our friends being meat eaters. Venues are asking our preferences for menus so they can provide us costs so we need to make a choice on whether to provide meat or do a vegetarian only dinner.

For clarity, when we go out to dinner with meat eaters we have no issue with people ordering a meat option, but given we are the ones footing the bill, it feels like we have a say over what they eat. Honestly, we don’t feel good about paying for meat to be consumed on our wedding day, and would be offering a decent range of veggie options (not your bog standard risotto or tofu loaf etc) Friends have never complained about our dietary choices when we go to their homes or events, its pretty easy these days to cater for and we are not picky eaters at all but I feel weird imposing our vegetarian ideas on them. Has anyone faced the same issue issue or have any insight ?

You don’t need to serve meat. It’s your wedding, your choice.

Are people so dependant on meat that they couldn’t go one meal time without it???? Surely not.

They can grab a kebab on the way home 🤢

@Youcannotbeseriousreally It's not "inflicting" anything on people to spend half a day not eating meat, and forcing vegetarians to eat meat - something they consider ethically wrong - is hardly comparable to asking non-vegetarians to not eat meat. One is asking people to compromise their ethics, one is not, surely you can see the difference.

Would you expect an Orthodox Jewish wedding to include pork in the interests of "choice"?!

I do think it’s the principle of PAYING for meat to be consumed to avoid family conflict that has me set to do a veggie only meal. We have no right to say what people eat when we share the bill at a restaurant but when we host people at home they know not to expect meat so why would this be any different I suppose ?

Your day, your choice.

Enjoy the day, and do it your way

What’s wrong with that? If it’s a decent roast dinner done well it can be nice. I’m not vegetarian but I have friends that are and eat meatless roasts because they love the roast potatoes and roast carrots etc.

To be honest I think it’s a bit petty in the first place to be grumbling about no meat for one day, when it will do absolutely no harm. I know people are on about choice and not wanting to push life choices on to guests, but literally it’s vegetarian, which meat eaters can also eat, for ONE day, and if the OP is vegetarian for ethical reasons then it’s selfish to expect them to provide meat for no good reason.

If I was vegetarian I wouldn't be buying my guests a meat dinner. I'd have a vegetarian menu.

We’re both vegetarian, all of our wedding food was vegetarian, it also catered to our sons allergies so for the first time in his life he could safely eat absolutely everything. The food was fab, guests were able to order on the day (it was very relaxed and in a bar) rather than picking in advance, so there were a few double ordering when they saw someone elses meal and as it was an early finish quite a few had doggy bags.

As long as it’s tasty I wouldn’t care.

I’m veggie but I wouldn’t insist on an entirely veggie wedding. It’s my choice not to eat meat and I don’t put that on others, plus FIL would have spent the whole thing rolling his eyes.

I would maybe offer multiple veggie options and only one meat. I have allergies and strong dislikes of mushroom and goats cheese but most veggie options seems to have one or both!

As far as I know, most venues provide a vegetarian option for 'free' as an alternative to the meat option. I'd therefore go for a meat choice and still have the veggie option for anyone that wants/needs it.

@imnewhere2024 but DP is pretty adamant about it, literally said “there’s a McDonald’s over the road, let them go there is they have an issue” which TBf I think is the right attitude. I just don’t want to cause conflict

No, it's really not the right attitude. Actually your menu sounds fine, as a meat eater I often choose to eat vegetarian pasta so I wouldn't feel I was missing out. But ultimately you're hosting your guests, you should be catering to their needs and wants, and forcing people to eat veggie does smack of preaching your ideals.

in every single one of your updates youve made it very clear you dont want to serve meat so follow your heart.

Most standard weddings have a choice of meat dishes with one vegetarian option.

Would you consider going the opposite:

1. mainly vegetarian option with one meat option or alternatively

2. all vegetarian menu with the option of adding meat to some of the dishes? I.e mushroom risotto can become chicken and mushroom risotto if the guests really need meat

I suspect in a few years time all vegetarian menus will become more common place but don't think we are there yet.

I'm veggie.

We had a veggie wedding. DH was veggie as well.

Some people did mutter about Mcdovalds.

Better than the French wedding we went to where the veggie option was beetroot.

I say this as a meat eater, but I think it's absolutely fair enough to make your wedding meal vegetarian.
It will do no harm to anybody and I'm sure it'll be absolutely delicious.
Enjoy your special day when it comes!

@BeingATwatItsABingThing I would maybe offer multiple veggie options and only one meat. I have allergies and strong dislikes of mushroom and goats cheese but most veggie options seems to have one or both!

This sounds a good option. I suspect you'd find lots of guests actively choosing a veggie option in this scenario

I am not vegetarian but I wouldn't expect 2 vegetarians to provide meat options on their wedding day. Most don't eat it on ethical grounds, so it would follow they would be against paying for it on ethical grounds too.

I’d expect vegetarian food. And in the case of the menu at that venue (which looks lovely) I might not even really notice, it’s much less obvious it’s vegetarian when it’s that style of food anyway than if it’s all fake meat burgers and the like or a roast dinner without the meat!

Thanks all. I do appreciate your input.

no we don’t want to serve meat, but I am conflict avoidant and would be heart broken if I saw / heard rudeness on our wedding day. I think ethically we are not going to offer meat - our wedding list is actually pretty small (under 60) so we have shared a meal with everyone there at least once in the last year so they know our stance. It’s one meal for one day, so I don’t think anyone will loose any sleep. We have taken future in-laws to veggie only restaurants and they loved it so people are open to trying things. Those who have said they look forward to trying new things when they eat have the right mindset and I just need to settle myself on the idea of a few nasty jabs.

I'll go against it, but I think hosting your guests and making sure that they are also comfortable and happy makes a wedding day successful. So I would serve a meat option.

I agree with this. I would be happy with a meat free menu, but I know a lot of people who would not be. I think you need to cater for your guests. It is not in your home, you do not need to handle meat, so I think there should be a meat option.

I would expect a vegetarian meal if the bride and groom are veggies, same as I’d expect vegan for the same reason. Our friends are ethical eaters so mostly vegan and I wouldn’t expect them to cook us a meat meal. It’s your day and one day meat free won’t hurt your guests. As another poster said, a great way to try something different too.

I'm a Roman Catholic, I still chose a church wedding inspite of most of my guests not being religious. I felt for my day I could impose my views and beliefs on anyone who wanted to come. They were of course welcome to decline the invite.

You're vegetarians for ethical beliefs of course you're not going to support the meat industry on the most expensive meal you'll ever buy. I agree with dh, we'd have no problem with a veggie meal (we might dash out for a Big Mac if we were boozing though) (but to be honest we'd probably do that between the ceremony and reception anyway if a McDonald's was so conveniently local)

I think the quality of the food is far more important than meat being served, the last weddi g we were at no one ate either of the main courses because it was just awful, this was a pricey hotel but unfortunately I've seen it more often than I'd like. Pick somewhere that the quality is excellent, the service is good (hot food served hot, no long wait between courses etc) and there'll be no issue with a vegetarian menu.

My DH is vegetarian and I eat meat and we offered both options at our wedding. I really don't like vegetarian food so wouldn't come if that was all that was on offer because it feels like you are trying to literally force your choices of food down other people's throats. We always offer equal options when we host. I don't foist meat on to DH and he doesn't foist his vegetarian options on me. I feel this is more respectful. Maybe your friends and family won't mind but I would.