Wedding menu

[imnewhere2024]

DP and I recently got engaged (yay) so we are starting to plan the wedding. We are at very early stages but have run into a very interesting question. DP and I are both vegetarian for ethical reasons with our families and most of our friends being meat eaters. Venues are asking our preferences for menus so they can provide us costs so we need to make a choice on whether to provide meat or do a vegetarian only dinner.

For clarity, when we go out to dinner with meat eaters we have no issue with people ordering a meat option, but given we are the ones footing the bill, it feels like we have a say over what they eat. Honestly, we don’t feel good about paying for meat to be consumed on our wedding day, and would be offering a decent range of veggie options (not your bog standard risotto or tofu loaf etc) Friends have never complained about our dietary choices when we go to their homes or events, its pretty easy these days to cater for and we are not picky eaters at all but I feel weird imposing our vegetarian ideas on them. Has anyone faced the same issue issue or have any insight ?

We had veggie only food at our wedding. It's entirely to be expected for an event hosted by vegetarians. Ultimately the person/people paying the bill are taking responsibility for any ethical choices connected with the purchase so if eg your parents were footing the bill for the meal then that's different but if you are paying then of course you can choose a menu that fits with your ethics. It's just one meal out of the 21 meals they eat in a week, they aren't going to get malnourished for lack of bacon.

We're both veggie and had a veggie wedding. A few people commented but no-one was rude about it. We had lots of compliments on the food and whilst I know a few people nipped to KFC later in the evening, that's fine with me and I didn't have to compromise on my ethics

Also to add to this - I do think veggie options are after thoughts when the couple are picking if they are both meat eaters. They won’t be ordering it themselves so just want to cater for their guests which is 100% fine but I’m trying to point out they aren’t that invested in offering an amazing option. Whereas we as veggie would maybe eat all of the items so would want the most delicious options so the overall quality would be higher ?

Yes if you want 🤷‍♀️

as a veggie of many years I can attend an event and if I’m not catered for discreetly not eat whatever it is. Usually there’ll be something, if only bread, pudding is nearly always veggie, and starters tend to be also*, so it’s rare that I can’t find anything.

*except for one work do where the starter was a vegetable tartlet, but they bizarrely brought a fish starter for the three or four vegetarians. Even then no drama, swapped it with some who did like/eat fish.

Well that doesn't sound 'loud and opinionated' to me. He didn't complain about the food. He just didn't eat it and went out to get something that he actually liked. And he didn't wave it around in front of anybody else and make a big fuss as you are only guessing at what he did. He didn't actually tell you!
What's wrong with that?

This might be true in some cases, but not all. It was our wedding, we were paying a lot of money for the food, so we tasted the veggie/vegan/gluten free/dairy free options and were indeed invested in offering excellent options. Again with the superiority! Your assumptions are incorrect

I think if it’s Italian food like pizza and pasta people will often not even notice it’s veggie (as opposed to the Italian “main course” type things that are usually fish or meat)

I don’t think you need to serve them meat. Just have something nice and people probably won’t notice.

Do you honestly never have a meal without meat? We're talking about a bowl of pasta in tomato sauce, or a pizza with cheese and veg on it, not a pile of spouts stuffed inside an aubergine

What point are you making? You want to use your own wedding to get your own back?

Ah no he did loudly comment on it and make a show of pushing his food around.

This is how I’ve fallen off the “no sugar” band wagon before - there’s been no non meat savoury food, or it’s been so bad as to be inedible, so I ate the pudding just to have something!

I think you can get away with it as it is Italian. You are vegetarian and not vegan so cheese and eggs are allowed. I’m sure even the fussiest of meat eaters would be more than happy with a margarita pizza and garlic bread for example.

But equally you cooked a meal you knew he probably wouldn't like and then expected him to not only eat it but be thankful? I assume you wouldn't feel the same if you were served meat. By all means serve meat alternatives but you can't force people to actually share the same opinions as you.

I think with the Italian slant, pizza, pasta, salads etc no one will miss meat, it's not like serving a roast with extra veg as a PP suggested!

I'd fully expect veggie food. Tell DF to have a word with his brother, or MIL. Tell him he doesn't expect any comments on the day, that it's rude and he has advance warning if he wants to eat before hand.

Id just make sure there's lots of lovely food, limit the fake meat / plant pretending to be a meat. Lasagne made with vegetables, pasta, pizza, good quality, rich cheeses, breads.

Is that what you honestly draw from what the OP said?

We had a veggie wedding. Warned people of this on the invite. Most people lived the food, older relatives maybe less keen and one slightly twatty older uncle went home early because of it!

I would say check the food is actually good, catering veggie food can be unappetizing. And make sure there's something for unadventurous/older/younger eaters who might not be up for Thai fusion or miso infused xyz. People basically want bread and potato to soak up all the booze :)

Not at all. That we would never be rude enough to reject an invite or worse attend and make comments. Someone earlier said that if a guest is spending ££ to attend, they are entitled to eat food they want. I was making the point we do that very often and are Mostly disappointed but never make any comments etc. it’s our day and we want to
have food we enjoy without crossing ethical boundaries. We aren’t children, this isn’t a tit for tat situation.

I think if you can give a warning, people cd always slip a cheeky ham sandwich in their bag if they really can't endure a few hours without dead flesh.

@SleepingStandingUp I don't think it's on to police people's comments / views about a food choice! Of course Op shouldn't tell her partner to tell his brother to put up and shut up, what level of superiority is this

This is the crux, OP. You can definitely dictate the menu at your wedding, but you can't dictate how others feel about it. Some of them will find it disappointing, some of them will pick up food on the way home, some of them will come away saying "lovely wedding, but the food was pants". I'm sure that happens at omnivorous weddings too! You're setting yourself up for upset if you require everyone to love your vegetarian meal - they won't.

I quoted the wrong post 🤦‍♀️

I think this is hilarious the derogatory angle here you can't just have an opinion without putting down a food choice.

Well he should tell him not to be rude! Although OP what do you lose if he is? It's only going to reflect badly on him.
Fine to not partake and get something else later not fine to protest loudly.

@PingvsPong I think it's fine to serve food to your ethics, I don't think you can force people to pretend to like it. Loudly protesting no, commenting they don't like it, fine.