Wedding menu

[imnewhere2024]

DP and I recently got engaged (yay) so we are starting to plan the wedding. We are at very early stages but have run into a very interesting question. DP and I are both vegetarian for ethical reasons with our families and most of our friends being meat eaters. Venues are asking our preferences for menus so they can provide us costs so we need to make a choice on whether to provide meat or do a vegetarian only dinner.

For clarity, when we go out to dinner with meat eaters we have no issue with people ordering a meat option, but given we are the ones footing the bill, it feels like we have a say over what they eat. Honestly, we don’t feel good about paying for meat to be consumed on our wedding day, and would be offering a decent range of veggie options (not your bog standard risotto or tofu loaf etc) Friends have never complained about our dietary choices when we go to their homes or events, its pretty easy these days to cater for and we are not picky eaters at all but I feel weird imposing our vegetarian ideas on them. Has anyone faced the same issue issue or have any insight ?

Pizza, various pastas, salads, breads from you venue above would be fabulous and nobody could miss meat with these as an option.

Go for a veggie menu - it's your wedding and you are paying. Serve what you want. Nothing beats a fabulous bowl of pasta!

The Indian weddings I have been to (admittedly a whole two of them) were both no alcohol and veggie.

I really don't understand some PP saying that they 'don't like vegetarian food'. How does this work in practice? Does every forkful have to have some meat on it? Eg I just had a roast with lamb and would say 80% minimum of the plate was non-meat - I enjoyed the roast potatoes, stuffing and cauli cheese etc just as much as the lamb!

Vegan I can see may be a bit more controversial (mainly because I love cheese, eggs, mayo and butter and the vegan versions just aren't the same...) but veggie can be lovely and every bit as tasty 😋

See I think that's where you're wrong - your fiancé's brother's reaction to your cooking.

I don't think anyone should be forced to eat food they are given just to be grateful. Certainly I wouldn't support a meat eater forcing their food on vegetarians so don't think the opposite should be ok either. Plus fake meat can be awful, I personally have had really bad reactions to meat alternatives.

It’s only one meal I doubt that many would have an issue.

Hopefully there will be a few
options so everyone can find something they enjoy.
I personally don’t like meat alternatives like fake chicken so would find that kind of food off putting.

Serve the food you want. It’s your day. It’s not a restaurant. It’s ONE meal, and a free one at that. The meat heads will survive.

Oh come on. You can’t expect a mass catered event to deal with that level of dietary restrictions and preferences. Allergy to mushrooms is a reasonable thing to cater for. But low carb diets, extreme picky eating and simply not liking vast swathes of perfectly ordinary food is really not the bride and groom’s problem.

And I say that as a picky eater myself.

I was on your side with the vegetables but no alcohol is where I would bow out and I'm not even a big drinker!

I’m assuming you eat vegetables and meatless food such as pasta and bread quite regularly and enjoy doing so, as most people do? Expecting a meat eater to eat vegetarian options is completely incomparable to expecting a vegetarian to eat meat. There are no ethics involved in the former.

Regardless of whetehr a plate of vegetables and potatoes is a dinner, it's basically serving a meat based meal and saying to the vegetarians "you can just remove the meat". It's telling one section of your guests that they're not important enough to be catered for.

Not sure I’d be choosing my wedding as the hill to die on for this, if people are kind enough to come to my wedding, take the time out their days, spend money on clothes, travel, accommodation, then I’d give the best meal I could and to their tastes.

i don’t see the bride and groom as doing them a favour by inviting them, more the opposite,

so for me this would not be something I did. But if you and your partner feel this is appropriate not to give people a choice, then don’t.

@YoureALizardHarry11 of course I will eat food which is vegetarian but i won't eat fake meat products. I don't agree with Op's attitude to her BIL refusing to 'meat alternatives' which are basically completely over processed and can have really bad affects on people. I don't think a meat eater should have to eat fake meat products out of gratitude (as OP suggested in previous comment on this thread.)

If I was attending the wedding of two vegetarians I would fully expect the whole menu to be vegetarian. I find it bizarre the extent to which some people are horrified by the idea of a being served a lentil bolognese rather than a meat one.

Do these people not eat anything non-meat in the course of their lives? No veg, no salad, no fruit, no bread or cereals or grains?

Most meat eater don't eat meat at every meal, and quite a few meat eaters won't eat meat at every dinner. So I honestly don't see why having a meatless meal should make them uncomfortable.

OP I am gluten free and was pescatarian when I got married.
We chose our menu to suit we had a fish option or a vegetarian option. We did so because we wanted to enjoy the same as everyone else, not have to wait for a special meal etc and between the 2 options it covered every dietary requirement of friends (not only mine).

The only person who complained about it was my obnoxious brother who then ate cheese later in the evening (we did a "cheese cake" for evening food). Everyone else loved the food (we went for tapas sharing boards and paella with salads). Several friends who got married after us did the same thing as it worked well (especially for dietary requirements)

Sorry, that was a misunderstanding. I did see your point about the fake meat but assumed that was just an extra point to your argument.

If you're serving Italian food then the menu choices will be superb for vegetarians.

Also, if you're in a good location, the meat eaters are welcome to grab a kebab after the wedding breakfast.

Have a vegetarian wedding. One of the best weddings I’ve been to was vegetarian. The food was lovely and plentiful and wholesome. I eat meat, but I’m more than happy to support someone serving the food that suits them and their values. After all, every wedding menu is the bride and groom telling you what you are eating. Most people probably don’t want a chicken ballantine, or a smoked trout with beetroot creme, but if that’s the menu choices, that’s what you’re eating. It’s no different just because it’s veg. I think anyone who takes issue with not getting a steak at a wedding is probably just a bit pathetic.

@movingforward96 The OP hasn't mentioned fake meat products in the context of the wedding, only in the meal they made at home. It's perfectly possible to make a pasta sauce or great tasting pizza with vegetables only.

There will be 100% alcoholic drinks there. One of the reasons it’s our fav Italian is they have their own gin distillery. It was maybe a poor comparison

To be honest, if a wedding guest 'fell out' with me for not serving meat at a vegetarian's wedding, I would find it fairly easy to pay it no mind whatsoever.

I'm not a vegetarian, OP, but probably wouldn't even notice the absence of meat with a selection of delicious foods. Surely everyone can manage one event without meat being served, even if it's not their first choice.

I've been to loads of events where the food wasn't my choice, but 99% of people can soldier on without their 'ideal' meal for one day!

I'd be happy to pay for a chicken breast or a steak or salmon fillet myself but I'd not go if I didn't like any of the food. As for the grooms comment about McDonald's I don't eat substandard food.

Can I come please OP? Menu looks fab, venue is gorgeous and now you say they have their own gin? Sounds absolutely perfect

Sorry also to clarify re the fake chorizo. He didn’t even try it - as it won’t “be as nice as the real thing”. he was just being stubborn and that’s want I didn’t like.

Personally I don’t like fake meat products as I agree they can be hit and miss and prefer vegetables for
my meals. Some restaurants who have chefs make their fake meat products in house are amazing but I wouldn’t want these on the day.

Yes I know but I thought the comment the OP made about BIL's attitude to fake meat was unreasonable