Wedding menu

[imnewhere2024]

DP and I recently got engaged (yay) so we are starting to plan the wedding. We are at very early stages but have run into a very interesting question. DP and I are both vegetarian for ethical reasons with our families and most of our friends being meat eaters. Venues are asking our preferences for menus so they can provide us costs so we need to make a choice on whether to provide meat or do a vegetarian only dinner.

For clarity, when we go out to dinner with meat eaters we have no issue with people ordering a meat option, but given we are the ones footing the bill, it feels like we have a say over what they eat. Honestly, we don’t feel good about paying for meat to be consumed on our wedding day, and would be offering a decent range of veggie options (not your bog standard risotto or tofu loaf etc) Friends have never complained about our dietary choices when we go to their homes or events, its pretty easy these days to cater for and we are not picky eaters at all but I feel weird imposing our vegetarian ideas on them. Has anyone faced the same issue issue or have any insight ?

Then I probably wouldn't want you to come? Ps i am not a vegetarian but if my vegetarian friends want a vegetarian wedding then thats what theu should have

No guest should dictate what is served.

If you dont like it. Then im sure your absence wouldn't be missed. Who needs high maintainance people at their wedding

Rejecting a wedding invitation because you can't eat meat for one meal is a remarkable stance really. It's almost comically petulant.

Wow I can't believe all the answers from meat-enthuiasts on here thinking it's unreasonable to expect a meat eater to go a few hours without meat.

Would you also expect a jewish wedding to serve bacon as an option for non-jewish guests?

We went to friends wedding, full menu was veggie (bride wasn't but husband was), wasn't an issue, was lovely to get to experience the veggie options in all honesty. It's your day, it's your menu. Anyone that moans... says more about them than you.

Yes, veggie only, it won't kill them. It's your wedding.

Not petulant I just don't like much else except fruit.

My friends know I don't like vegetarian meals and eat mostly meat. My DH is vegetarian and we almost always cook 2 different meals. If you know a person eats mainly meat and you don't want to accommodate this I agree don't invite me. A lot of my DH friends are vegetarian and they offered me a meat option at their weddings. If they hadn't I'd have told DH he could go on his own.

@caringcarer are you serious? You only eat meat?

Breakfast
Lunch
Dinner
Snacks

No pasta, lentils, vegetables?

I find that incredible.

OP have a veggie menu, lovely! Enjoy your day.

Of your only interest is the food you get fed rather than the union of two people who care about you, then honestly you're better of declining and letting them know the disdain you really feel.

No, I'm pointing out your flawed logic.

No, too bland. Surely any reasonable person would have offered me a good chunk of meat. How could you possibly have not put meat on the starter menu. It's like you don't even CARE about your guests 🙄🙄

Sausage, bacon and egg for breakfast plus a piece of fruit, 2 or 3 pieces of fruit for lunch, chicken, steak, gammon, fish for dinner with peas and carrots. Fruit if I'm hungry before bed. I eat a lot of raspberries, oranges, apples, grapes, melon, strawberries, mango etc. sometimes I'll eat a yogurt for lunch too if hungry. I might eat a scoop of ice cream occasionally. I might eat 5 or 6 pieces of penne pasta with my dinner if DH is cooking it.

Its one thing respecting other people's choice to eat meat, but quite another to use your own money to support an industry you are ethically opposed to. Anyone with any respect for your choices wouldn't expect that of you. They would also be extremely rude to accept your hospitality and then complain about it.

@caringcarer so you eat pasta, issue averted! Every veggie menu has pasta, you'll be fine!

@caringcarer they're also bound to have an egg dish maybe a soufflé for starters.

And ice cream for pudding!

I haven't read the full thread sorry. I don't eat dairy for ethical reasons so I get you. My DM is horrified by the idea of no meat/ fish/ dairy. BUT she does have the odd dish that's veggie ( say cheese and onion/tomato quiche/ cheese and onion rolls etc.). Could you include some more mainstream veggie options like that to appease the hard to please?

If you are an ethical vegetarian, there is no way you can pay for others to eat meat.

I've actually never had soufflé. I'd eat a poached or very lightly scrambled egg though.

So, nothing else about the day, the service, the celebration with friends and families, the conversation, music, drinks, nothing about the event would have any value to you, all that would matter is getting your hands on a couple of free slices of meat and a pork pie?

@caringcarer so you're extremely picky around food? Do you have an eating disorder? Because people really can't be expected to be able to cater for that.

Maybe just because she some cocktail sausages with you? Or chicken pieces or something?

You mean wedding food?

At our veggie wedding we had bread, cheese, loads of salads, quiche. Like a buffet without the ham or chicken drumsticks!

Loads of Italian food is veggie that she probably eats - pizza, aubergine Parm, veg lasagna, lots of pasta dishes.

Stir fry is easy to do vegetarian. I do a soy sauce omelette and add that as protein or cashew nuts or crispy tofu.

Maybe less older mother friendly but Indian food is easy to do veggie.

Middle Eastern is also good - felafel, hummus, cous cous salad, dips, halloumi etc.

Right, but why does that mean you can't go to the wedding? Just push a few bits of food around your plate and go home and eat your meat.

Loads of people hate wedding food, but they don't actually decline an invitation on that basis, because that's pretty daft, basically.

Sorry, not getting the concept of, 'wedding food'. Maybe I'm too old lol (46). Don't you just have food? As I've said, I get the idea of why you'd want veggie, and go for it. But for those who are less used to it, maybe have some mainstream options such as quiche etc. pastry options with cheese plus veg etc. that aren't out of their comfort zones. Everyone happy!

Wow who knew this would be such a divisive conversation - thanks to everyone for posting their views. I wanted to get a sense of public opinion and have got that in spades. Welcome all posters comments about our dilemma, it has shaped my view that we will definitely be serving a veggie meal but my key takeaways from the thread are

1. make this clear on all invites to not shock the hardcore carnivores on the day
2. avoid controversial items such as goats cheese or at least have it only on one item
3. avoid fake meat items
4. consider the cuisine we are offering. Maybe I’m being too sensitive about offering Indian food - and as many people have said it’s a large crowd pleaser (especially in my 60 guests)
5. be ready to face criticism but that’s ok.
6. include menus in all invites so people can make informed choices on whether to stock up on brekkie day of wedding

again, thanks for everyone’s comments.

Op was talking about a bowl of veggie pasta. What's more mainstream? Also it's an Italian place so I assume pizza is an option. Lasagne. Hardly exotic dishes served only in far flung lands.