Wedding menu

[imnewhere2024]

DP and I recently got engaged (yay) so we are starting to plan the wedding. We are at very early stages but have run into a very interesting question. DP and I are both vegetarian for ethical reasons with our families and most of our friends being meat eaters. Venues are asking our preferences for menus so they can provide us costs so we need to make a choice on whether to provide meat or do a vegetarian only dinner.

For clarity, when we go out to dinner with meat eaters we have no issue with people ordering a meat option, but given we are the ones footing the bill, it feels like we have a say over what they eat. Honestly, we don’t feel good about paying for meat to be consumed on our wedding day, and would be offering a decent range of veggie options (not your bog standard risotto or tofu loaf etc) Friends have never complained about our dietary choices when we go to their homes or events, its pretty easy these days to cater for and we are not picky eaters at all but I feel weird imposing our vegetarian ideas on them. Has anyone faced the same issue issue or have any insight ?

I do take the point about it’s about hosting your guests and catering to them so we should consider a meat option but these people are our closest friends so I’d expect (and hope) the wouldn’t want to us to be uncomfortable crossing an ethical boundary to make them happy.

I just don’t want to come across as a bridezilla “it’s my day” type vibe.

I'm a meat eater but my attitude would be that I'll eat what I'm given and as long as you cater for allergies and intolerances then all good.

Because in your own home you'd be cooking it. At a venue you wouldn't.

Sounds like you want to go for it so just so.

I would stay clear of the obvious "marmite" vegetarian choices though...

Goat's Cheese (I would rather not eat)
Tofu (most people hate it, even a lot of veggies)
Mushrooms (I love them but they are hated by millions)

Ffs what is it with some meat eaters? Can they not go a single meal without meat? What terrible thing will happen to them if faced with a plate without meat on it!
Just serve veggie food OP.
Signed, a meat eater.

Wouldn't bother me at all if it was vegetarian food at a wedding of two vegetarians! Or anyone really. If the food is nice, I'm happy!

Plenty of meat eaters have veggie meals from time to time without thinking about it. They're not going to waste away without meat at one meal.

(I'm an omnivore)

Your wedding, your celebration, you're paying.

Simple

Veggie it is

@Kendodd exactly!

Yeah I’d be expecting it to be veggie and would be absolutely fine with that

You’re paying for and organising the meal, totally reasonable to only serve vegetarian food and I’d expect it at a vegetarian’s wedding, the same way I wouldn’t expect a Jewish or Muslim wedding to serve pork.

My DH is vegetarian and we had a vegetarian wedding 20 years ago.

I had a couple of grumbling uncles (they enjoyed the grumbling though I think) but apart from that everyone was fine about it.

And for once it meant my DH actually got a choice at a meal.

If you invited your friends and family to your home for a dinner party I imagine you would serve them vegetarian food. Do the same for your wedding, just higher end as it is prepared by chefs.

@imnewhere2024 Those who have said they look forward to trying new things when they eat have the right mindset

See, it's phrases like this that make you come across as preachy and superior. It's vegetarian food, it's not anything unusual

We paid a little extra to have 3 options. One was vegan, one vegetarian & one meat. It was only a small wedding, though, & didn't add hugely to the cost.

Definitely go vegetarian

If you can do squeaky cheese pie - like the old school dinners of the 1960s - I think many of your guests would be absolutely delighted

(Having pineapple sponge and pink custard for pudding might be a bit much)

OTOH, don't go near the school dinner TVP curry - vile!

The serious point is that people who were in school in the 60s would have had one or two school dinners a week that were vegetarian (there was no choice back then, not had packed meals caught on). So it's a normal way of eating for the older generation - assuming to glam it up a bit to wedding status.

💯 this

I do eat meat but not with every meal. It's not a hardship to eat veggie for one meal (presumably paid for by you and DH-to-be)! I also agree with others that if I was attending a wedding of two vegetarians I'd expect veggie food.

The menu at that restaurant looks lovely BTW. I wouldn't usually think of pizza and pasta as 'special occasion' food but the dishes themselves sounds delicious!

Another take is what if we were non drinkers, we arent but what if we were. I’m Indian and I’ve been to weddings when I was a kid that where no alcohol was served and it was veggie only. That’s changed as couples of my generation eat meat and drink, but If we only provided soft drinks as we ethically didn’t believe in it, would people have the same issue and EXPECT free booze.

also someone commented that there’s a difference if we are not handling the meat and we aren’t “paying for it” so there’s no issue. We are footing the bill ourselves and instructing others to buy dead animals on our behalf so I don’t see that making any difference

Fine to do vegetarian but do ensure there's options for those who don't like things such as tofu, nut roast etc. and those not keen on spicy foods

I would look to cater for my guests diverse tastes not look to take the opportunity to impose my life / food choices upon them.

I'm an omnivore, but would be more than happy to eat vegetarian or vegan at a wedding.

I tend to choose the veggie option when available anyway, as I can't know that the meat is from higher welfare animals, and I'd rather not eat intensively farmed animals.

I have a severe allergy to mushrooms. Even a tiny amount means I can't breathe, my throat and tongue swells and I have to have an adrenaline injection. In my experience vegetarians try to stuff mushrooms in many dishes. I don't like vegetarian food. I don't eat vegetables except cooked carrots and peas. I don't eat salad. I don't like things with onions. I don't like rice, couscous, pasta salad, anything with mayonnaise or spread, nuts. I avoid pastry, bread and high carbs as I'm on a high protein diet. I do like cheese but I'm not keen on eggs. I eat a lot of salmon, steak and chicken. It's not that I think anything terrible will happen to me, provided no mushrooms, it's just I don't like it.

@imnewhere2024 but If we only provided soft drinks as we ethically didn’t believe in it, would people have the same issue and EXPECT free booze.

No, as they could buy their own booze but they don't have the option to buy a non-vegetarian meal. A better comparison would be a dry wedding. In my experience, people respect the couple's choices but have a worse time.

I also do think it’s a mindset thing here - the main person I am concerned about is DP’s younger brother. He is very loud and opinionated which I enjoy but he will loudly make his views heard. We visited family last week as future MIL had a hysterectomy so we took turns cooking, naturally on our two days we cooked veggie food which was well received but future BIL avoided the fake chorizo and 100% went out and got a burger later.

I was raised to eat what I was given, and be thankful for it. I’m surprised at the number of people here who are taking the restriction of meat so personally