Wedding menu

[imnewhere2024]

DP and I recently got engaged (yay) so we are starting to plan the wedding. We are at very early stages but have run into a very interesting question. DP and I are both vegetarian for ethical reasons with our families and most of our friends being meat eaters. Venues are asking our preferences for menus so they can provide us costs so we need to make a choice on whether to provide meat or do a vegetarian only dinner.

For clarity, when we go out to dinner with meat eaters we have no issue with people ordering a meat option, but given we are the ones footing the bill, it feels like we have a say over what they eat. Honestly, we don’t feel good about paying for meat to be consumed on our wedding day, and would be offering a decent range of veggie options (not your bog standard risotto or tofu loaf etc) Friends have never complained about our dietary choices when we go to their homes or events, its pretty easy these days to cater for and we are not picky eaters at all but I feel weird imposing our vegetarian ideas on them. Has anyone faced the same issue issue or have any insight ?

People are so weird about stuff like this.

I hope the posters who “prioritise my guests” and “don’t force my choices on them” also held a referendum as to the date, time, location, dress code and full menu of their wedding, rather than forcing their choices on anyone.

I eat meat. I would find it odd to eat meat at the wedding of two vegetarians. Why would I want you to pay for something you object to ethically? That would be unbelievably selfish of me.

It’s not remotely the same thing. Meat eaters can eat vegetables but vegetarians can’t eat meat. How can you even think it’s the same 🤣 It’s her wedding and she doesn’t eat meat for ethical reasons, so it’s self centred and disrespectful to make a fuss about a meat free meal for one day.

Honestly, this is why I’ve always said I’d elope and have a small intimate wedding if I got married, I couldn’t be doing with whinging and entitled guests ruining the day. It won’t kill you to eat vegetable based food for one day! You probably eat a lot of meat free things without giving it a second thought in your daily life anyway.

I'm loving these visions of meat-only weddings. Like there would be a roasted pig, plates of salami, a load of gammon steaks and absolutely nothing else.

By the end of the night everyone would have meat sweats and constipation, the toilets would be full of hammy sick puddles but at least they'd have taught the veggies a thing or two.

If anyone drops out because of no meat op, I'll have their invitation! Italian sounds lovely. Much better than the standard catering chicken in white sauce sort of thing. The last wedding I went to, all the food seemed like it was our of a mass catering catalogue and defrosted for the occasion

For me it’s

would I care if I was a guest. Absolutely not. I’m personally perfectly fine with a veggie meal.
would I do this if I was the host. Absolutely not. A good host caters to their guests tastes.

@YoureALizardHarry11 yes I do eat lots of vegetables and happy to eat vegetarian for one meal. But it might not be my choice and I know mostly male older relatives that really don’t like vegetable and choose meat at every meal. The point is the vegetarians are not allergic. It’s choice. What’s wrong with giving everyone the same respect that they are afforded at events. Offer a menu choice in the invitation and see how many would prefer meat based dishes. It’s about making everyone welcome at your wedding. Not having people just put up with your choices or starve. That’s not welcoming or inclusive. It’s mumsnet. These are opinions. I’m sure OP will do what she wants anyway. This is just about giving different views. I like to cater for all my guests and make everyone feel happy with their choice. The best wedding food I’ve ever eaten was actually a buffet and everything was there. You could choose from so many options. I loved it.

Offering vegetable lasagne or vegetable pasta, to me, is the same as offering a menu with roast beef or beef enchiladas - if your guests are not keen on beef it is a restrictive menu and imo not being a good host.

You don't need to agree with me, we have different opinions and the OP isn't just looking for ones aligned with her own.

I went to a wedding by vegetarians and their menu was veggie. I thought it was nice. I did hear a few complaints but I thought those people were dicks.

How is offering a veggie version the same as offering a meat version?

It’s self centred because you’re asking someone who doesn’t eat meat for ethical reasons to pay for meat and to watch it being eaten at her own wedding when she has such strong values regarding meat consumption.

I’m a meat eater, but there is nothing wrong with not eating it at someone’s wedding. If someone doesn’t like it then they can sod off, frankly. Vegetarian food still includes dairy and eggs. There’s literally thousands of possible food options.

I really don’t see the issue. It’s more disrespectful for her loved ones to expect meat when they are so aware of her reasons for being vegetarian.

For me, there’s nothing worse at a wedding than having to pander to guests every desire. You’re paying thousands of pounds to benefit other people who don’t respect you enough to respect your wishes.

Our other starter was melon boats, maybe you'd have liked that.

I've read you updates but not the full thread.

Go with veggie but make sure it is 'widely appealing veggie' e.g. decent sort of pasta/ cheese pie sort of thing. Starters and mains are often veggie anyway. I didn't pick the exact things I would have wanted for my wedding menu since I wanted it to appeal to the most amount of people. I did think about the veggies - I emailed the choices before hand and let them pick they went with Thai Green veggie curry

Not great but a colleague went to a vegan wedding (I know v different) she said quite a few people got pissed really quickly since they didn't eat the food, in her words 'it was pretty much kale'. Others left to go to the chipper.

I'm a meat eater though fussy so I often chose a veggie option in a wedding menu. I have family members who are fussy (just meat and potatoes on a Sunday/ Xmas dinner). If I'm inviting people to a function I want them to enjoy themselves so I'd cater for them.

I’ve been to lots of veggie weddings. Not a big deal

We are both veggie and had a veggie wedding. There was some grumbling ahead of the day from some relatives but the day itself was fine, no-one made a scene or walked out in disgust.

We tried to pick food which was naturally vegetarian and avoided fake meat or veggie alternatives which would be less familiar to some guests like seitan or tofu.

It felt wrong paying for meat on a celebration of us as a couple when we're both veggie. We also wanted to be able to eat everything being served. We did get offers from some relatives for them to pay for meat to be served but declined. We paid for everything ourselves so we weren't beholden to anyone else.

Wouldn’t bother us at all. Serve what you like.

This

Perfectly fine to serve just vegetarian food.

My husband and I are vegetarian. We had a fantastic Indian vegetarian buffet for our wedding. There were 150 guests. Some I hadn’t met before as they were friends of my in-laws and I didn’t even think about whether they would not like it. Had too many other things to worry about. I have no idea whether anyone complained or not but 14 years later, people still talk about the food. No one would have expected us to serve meat or fish and we didn’t even entertain the idea.

I'm really shocked at some of the responses on this thread. If you'd risk falling out with the bride and groom over the meal they choose for their wedding day then you're clearly a terrible friend/relative anyway.

Also, the 'traditional' meat and two veg followed by a beige buffet in the evening is very old fashioned, I have been to veggie/vegan weddings and weddings where meat has been served and none have been like that. We've had pasta dishes, curries, pizza, tapas, Asian food etc at the weddings we've been to. It didn't even occur to us that meat and two veg was 'traditional' until we were complimented on straying from tradition at our wedding.

It's your wedding, have the food you want as long as you are catering for dietary requirements and allergies. People would be very rude to comment negatively about it.

I didn't say it was.

I said offering two veg choices is offering a restricted menu.

Same as offering two beef choices only is offering a restricted menu.

Neither are, imo, particularly guest centric/friendly or good hosting.

I’d expect vegetarian food at a wedding for someone who is vegetarian. DH and I have two good friends who are vegetarian and they got married last year. Leading up to it my friend was so worried as she didn’t want to pay for meat to be consumed at her wedding, she said it felt morally wrong. They’re both very relaxed at others eating meat in front of them - we’ve often been out for meals and DH and I order meat. But it was the actually paying for meat themselves for their wedding which bothered them ethically. Some of their family members weren’t happy about it and the advice I gave her is what I’ll say to you OP - it’s your wedding, you decide the food. Their food was vegetarian in the end (a buffet of Italian/Mediterranean dishes) and omg it was amazing. If someone wants a grumble then let them, but there’s always someone having a moan at a wedding anyway so just ignore it.

I'm vegan and only had vegan food at my wedding. We had lots of compliments on the food (there were three different options available, for each course) and it was a total non-issue

For me I do not want to support/fund animal cruelty and murder so why would I do that for my wedding day.

I'd be absolutely fine with this. As long as allergies (not preferences) are catered for. I'd look forward to it in fact. I'm not vegetarian but any change from bog standard chicken breast n'sauce catering would be very nice.