Wedding menu

[imnewhere2024]

DP and I recently got engaged (yay) so we are starting to plan the wedding. We are at very early stages but have run into a very interesting question. DP and I are both vegetarian for ethical reasons with our families and most of our friends being meat eaters. Venues are asking our preferences for menus so they can provide us costs so we need to make a choice on whether to provide meat or do a vegetarian only dinner.

For clarity, when we go out to dinner with meat eaters we have no issue with people ordering a meat option, but given we are the ones footing the bill, it feels like we have a say over what they eat. Honestly, we don’t feel good about paying for meat to be consumed on our wedding day, and would be offering a decent range of veggie options (not your bog standard risotto or tofu loaf etc) Friends have never complained about our dietary choices when we go to their homes or events, its pretty easy these days to cater for and we are not picky eaters at all but I feel weird imposing our vegetarian ideas on them. Has anyone faced the same issue issue or have any insight ?

No its to cater for meat eating guests, with the bride and groom choosing vegetarian for themselves (as a vegetarian myself).

A vegetarian restaurant would have a normal menu of vegetarian food. I went for Tapas last night, it was a normal menu even though it was just little plates of food and not like most restaurants. Mowgli has a normal menu even though it's all Indian food and Wetherspoons has a normal menu even though it's primarily English food. Normal menu denotes what's normal for that situation and we're talking about the wedding of two people who don't eat meat for ethical reasons. If it was taste or health or cost, I'd say throw in a meat dish but I don't expect my Jewish friend to cook me pork, or my Hindu friend to cook me meat on the days she doesn't eat it and I wouldn't expect two ethical vegetarians to pay to serve dead animal at their own wedding

But you’ve already noted you would offer meat to meat eaters at your wedding.
OP has stated they don’t want to.

The standard menu you note, is a standard menu which will have lots of options for all dietary requirements.
It doesn’t mean OP has to offer those if her and her dh are morally against animals being killed for food on their wedding day.

Especially as the standard menu will have other options inline with their ethics.

@imnewhere2024 I think a vegetarian wedding is totally acceptable and I'm a meat eater. But then, DH and I enjoy vegetarian food as well.

I would just suggest that you have 2-3 options (like most weddings), so that people still choose.

And definitely a vegan option.

@Geotheanum @SleepingStandingUp The OP has posted on a public forum asking for opinions. People are giving opinions. Shock horror. My opinion is as valid as anyone else's. As a vegetarian I wouldn't put my choices on people. That's my opinion. OPs opinion is to put their choices on people. Great, whatever works for them.

I’m also organising my wedding at the moment . Most are meet eaters but we have a few vegetarian, I don’t expect them to eat meat so have alternatives for them . I feel it’s unfair to expect others to eat what they don’t accept or like . Personally I would get an alternative menu for those who prefer meat .

I don’t think OP is putting her opinion on anyone.
I doubt they’ll have ‘meat is murder’ posters up.
As sleeping noted no one would expect to eat pork at the wedding of a Jewish couple so why is it acceptable to eat meat at the wedding of vegetarians.

Some people are vegetarians, of course, for reasons other than ethical so may think otherwise.

Some couples may not both be vegetarian so again it would not be surprising to have a meat option.

OP posted, reading between the lines, for reassurance that the majority would not be fussed about the lack of meat at their wedding and it seems she got that.

Excellent. But their opinion is being put on people when their opinion is no meat, therefore no one has meat. Which is fine if that's what they want to do. People won't die not eating meat for one meal. And it's a personal preference as the bride and groom. I personally wouldn't do it, and that would be my choice.

We yes, clearly Geo and I are giving opinions too. What an odd post.

ooo I like the name Geo 😀

But I put my opinion on people when I chose vegan chocolate torte (because it's the best) instead of jam Roly poly. Or when we didn't pick any seafood dishes because neither of us eat them. The whole process of picking a handful of items off a menu, or even or picking a restaurant or caters, is imposing their opinion on their voluntary guests. You'd be putting your opinion on people listing one or two meat meals because you'd be choosing two meats which were least offensive to you / most organic / free range / whatever your requirements were

why is it acceptable to eat meat at the wedding of vegetarians

Why is it acceptable to drink alcohol at the wedding of someone teetotal?

It's just quite normal to give choices, rather than it being your own choice. However I agree with @Oohhyeah that it's a personal choice whatever you want to do at your own wedding.

Decent food doesn’t have to have meat in it.

Absolutely.!
A wedding should be the personal choice of the bride and groom. If you love them and want to celebrate with them you’ll respect that choice.

I think it would be perfectly appropriate to be all vegetarian--but do be sure it is truly robust vegetarian with eggs and dairy included. I don't mind forgoing meat, but would be truly irked if I were deprived of cheese. Restaurants tend to default to vegan if not kept sternly in line.

Honestly, you just sound like an awkward bugger. Don't eat any vegetables except peas and carrots? Don't eat salad? You have the palate of a toddler.

@imnewhere2024 It's your wedding so you should do what you want to do. Might be an idea to at least put a note on peoples invites that the meal will be vegetarian options only? At least that way, no-one will get a surprise on the day?

I had a look at the menus on the site link you posted and it is exactly the sort of food which I would generally hate. At least if I had advance warning, I could take sandwiches and eat them in secret at some point, without you knowing!! Yes, I'm fussy and not everyone is like me! But you asked for views....

I'm an enthusiastic carnivore, but I'd be expecting only vegetarian food at a vegetarian couple's wedding. If I was so dismayed at the thought of a non-meat meal I'd just eat a hearty meat-filled breakfast and fill up on drinks 😄

Thanks to everyone for your insights. I just wanted non biased views and I certainly got them. I have to accept we are imposing our diet and views on our guests, but these are not strangers but 60 of our closest friends / family so would hope they would give us the kindness of allowing us to be comfortable on our day. Equally need to own the role DP and I will be playing I.e depriving them meat for an evening and be ready to receive comments / negative feedback.

ultimately, it’s about celebrating our union and our new life, if someone wants to throw a hissy fit, there’s a much bigger problem at play. We will be making it clear on meal will be vegetarian so no surprises, think most places expect meal choices pre wedding day, so they will be given a menu in the invite I expect. Equally, if people are so hungry they needed to bring hidden sarnies or pop over the road for a McDonald’s I would not be offended.

Thanks everyone :)

Enjoy your wedding. I would love to see the menu afterwards. I bet most people will enjoy it.

Yes, I'm that weirdo who loves picking their favour dish of any menu, even if I'm not there to eat it!

Thanks for your post.
Have a fabulous day!

I’d expect vegetarian food (though wouldn’t judge you for it either way). Vegetarians shouldn’t be expected to pay for meat products, especially at their own wedding, and I feel the same for any ethical or religious dietary/beverage restrictions.

Guests can pick up a cheeseburger on the way home if they need meat. You’re not “forcing your beliefs” on anyone by you not buying them meat at one meal.

That might be unusual for some people though. For example, among people I know, some have never eaten artichokes, aubergine, cous cous, courgettes or pumpkin (not all the same person). I’ve tried things (ingredients, dishes and combinations) at weddings/events before that I probably wouldn’t otherwise have given much thought to.

I've been to two weddings with no meat. One where the bride was vegetarian, and I knew ahead there would be no meat. But they did serve fish, which I don't eat, and there weren't any other substantial main options so I was trying to fill up on couscous and cold vegetables (it was a very hot day). I was pretty hungry that day but it didn't bother me that no meat was on offer. I might have had a bigger breakfast if I'd have known they were relying on fish, but that's a me problem.

The other one neither the bride nor groom were vegetarian, they just preferred the veggie options offered by the caterer and it was lovely! A tasty and filling pastry stuffed with veg, yummy.

I'm a meat eater but I would never be mad at a meat free wedding.

It's your wedding. Of course it should be vegetarian if that's your ethical belief.
I guess you could ask people to mark on RSVP if they want meat (in small print) But make it clear it's a beautiful celebration of all things you, which includes vegetarianism. Then order x amount of dry chicken based on the response. Haha.
They will flock to the veggie food no doubt.