Wedding menu

[imnewhere2024]

DP and I recently got engaged (yay) so we are starting to plan the wedding. We are at very early stages but have run into a very interesting question. DP and I are both vegetarian for ethical reasons with our families and most of our friends being meat eaters. Venues are asking our preferences for menus so they can provide us costs so we need to make a choice on whether to provide meat or do a vegetarian only dinner.

For clarity, when we go out to dinner with meat eaters we have no issue with people ordering a meat option, but given we are the ones footing the bill, it feels like we have a say over what they eat. Honestly, we don’t feel good about paying for meat to be consumed on our wedding day, and would be offering a decent range of veggie options (not your bog standard risotto or tofu loaf etc) Friends have never complained about our dietary choices when we go to their homes or events, its pretty easy these days to cater for and we are not picky eaters at all but I feel weird imposing our vegetarian ideas on them. Has anyone faced the same issue issue or have any insight ?

You missed the messages from Caringcarer then lol

We decided to have a meat option for our main course (similar to vegetarian, but mushroom and chestnut rather than beef), but have a fully vegetarian evening buffet. This kept most people happy, and the few who refused to eat from a vegetarian buffet didn't starve (not that I would have cared to be honest as refusal to eat the buffet was pathetically childish and if I'd know before I would have uninvited them!)

It's totally different unless you have an ethical objection to eating vegetarian food.

And what meals are exclusively just meat? A roast would have vegetables, Yorkie puddings etc., a curry would have rice, lasagna has pasta so even I'm your "I'm a carnivore" menu you have enough non meat items to put together a gorgeous vegetarian meal.

It isn't like you don't eat non meat stuff, you just normally have meat with it. Vegetarians don't have mainly vegetarian with a bit of meat.

I'd like to add that while my husband is vegetarian, I'm not. But I don't die when I eat vegetarian food.

Any dietary requirements outside of vegetarian were also, obviously, catered for. Saying you can't have vegetarian food because of an allergy so everyone should serve meat is just ridiculous IMO.

But two veggie options isn't remotely like offering two beef options. In the beef options, the primary focus is on one ingredient so even if it's kebabs and roast or roast and stew, the beef is the focus. Vegetarian food could easily be roasted and stuffed aubergine or risotto. Totally different ingredients. Vegetable lasagne or a bean and lentil stew. Totally different ingredients and focus.
Also, allergies catered for, one is accessible to everyone and one isn't.

Your wedding. Your money. Your choice. Congratulations.

Absolutely wouldn't bother me having veg meals at two vegetarians weddings. My husband might struggle as he's so fussy but that's just tough.

It's your wedding. Do what you want. If you only want to cater vegetarian food that's 100% OK.

I'm not a vegetarian but I don't need to eat meat at every meal (and indeed I don't even eat meat every week at home). I've been to a couple of vegetarian weddings and there was no meat and no drama.

People who stamp their foot and throw tantrums about going one meal without meat (or having vegetarianism "forced" down their "throats") are reactionary drama queens and the wedding will be nicer without them.

I haven't RTFT but I imagine some people have come on to explain how their very specific food intolerance means that they will keel over and expire if made to eat an aubergine. Obviously if any of your guests do have specific dietary needs then it's best to communicate with them and sort something out in advance.

Do you ever entertain at home? How do you feed people in that situation? If I was your friend or family I’d expect your wedding to be catered on the same basis.

that’s said, the vegan/vegetarian options on menu of your venue look delicious so I probably wouldn’t even realise the menu was vegetarian at first glance.

you are already going down the non-standard wedding food route so I I’m sure whatever you decide will be good.

Serve what you want, but definitely do not tell anyone in advance. This was my number one wedding rule, don't give guests the chance to moan. I doubt it'll be cheaper though, our wedding catering cost the same for meat or veggie. if I went to a wedding where bride and groom were veggie, I'd expect veggie food.

Got married around 20 years ago, both my husband and I are vegetarians for ethical reasons. Like you we didn’t feel comfortable serving meat so had vegetarian food only. It honestly wasn’t a big deal. I would assume most people assumed it would be vegetarian but if anyone did mind then they had the good manners not to moan to me :) I have been to plenty of weddings where the food it not to my taste, c’est la vie.

As it’s a mixed wedding, i didn’t want to go down the Indian food route as that felt a bit gimmicky so went neutral.

I think you're doing yourself a disservice here @imnewhere2024, vegetable curries are the business!

I do think you're probably right to highlight the generational aspect of this – none of my friends or grown-up DCs' friends would bat an eyelid at vegetarian food even if they aren't themselves vegetarian, whereas my 80something parents, aunts and uncles might raise an eyebrow. My mother wouldn't know what to do with a curry whereas my DH, who looks and sounds as English as they come, cooks them at least twice a week for our family.

But you know it's hard to please everyone – for example I'm diabetic so a choice between pizza or pasta would be far more problematic than a curry or risotto, or even a nut roast 😀

I didn't drink at a tee total wedding (although some guests did 🫣) and I wouldn't eat meat at a vegetarian wedding. But I think some people will be upset because vegetarian food makes people crazy for some reason. Identify who you have on the guest list that might not be open to new things (cousins, uncles, parents' pals etc) and approach them and ask them how strongly they feel about meat on the menu. You might save yourself a lot of trouble this way.

I'd definitely think about Indian food and don't worry about it being gimmicky...

@imnewhere2024
We went to a civil partnership celebration last year - both he and she are vegetarian and fellow members of our sports club.
The food was totally vegetarian, which did not surprise me, and I was fine with it. And it was a chance to try stuff I wouldn't normally eat.
A few of the other club members who went said, (not to the couple, thank God), that the food was awful because there was no meat.
We know the couple a bit better than these other members, and the latter could well have not known that the former are vegetarian.
It's a dilemma isn't it?
I agree that when you are providing food, the choice of food is yours.
And I have no issue with vegetarians being unwilling/unable to contemplate serving meat because of their principles, (in fact I admire them for it). Just as meat eaters can refuse to eat vegetarian food.
In hindsight I think the couple might have been wise to say on the invites that the food would be vegetarian - giving people the option to decline?
Is making that clear a workable option for all events such as this?
There's no "right" answer is there?
But to answer your question, I would be totally happy to come to your wedding and eat completely vegetarian food. I would respect you for upholding your values.

It's a bit astonishing that some posters think that vegetarians being offered only meat and meat-eaters only being offered food without meat is the same thing.

Pages of this thread, and they still think it amounts to the same thing.

In my family we call it wedding chicken. As in please I pray it's not wedding chicken

would people really decline a wedding because it was vegetarian?

shudder wedding chicken is about right @KomodoOhno

So would people on here really do this:
>long-term, close relationship with someone
>approve of their relationship, delighted they're getting married
>receive wedding invite, very happy to come
>find out the food will be vegetarian and become so offended you don't attend and break off all ties

Wah, waaaah! You didn't consider my need for ham at all meals!

Maybe they were being polite, maybe they were capable of enjoying a vegetarian meal.

Either way, there was no way that dh and I were going to feed everyone meat when we're vegetarian for ethical reasons.

But also that at these meals where they serve meat, that none of the accompaniments they happily eat aren't the same ingredients used to make yummy vegetarian food. As if as soon as meat is there, potatoes, vegetables, pasta etc are somehow carnivore food and once the .eat is taken away they're pointless crap food that's basically inedible

Tbh it's a bit odd to not eat meat for ethical reasons and then pay hundreds of pounds for dead animals to celebrate your wedding

Serve what you want OP. As this thread proves, people will always moan no matter what. It's your day!

I've been to about 30 weddings, I've never once been served a meal that would have been my first choice were I picking it. As long as it's tasty and soaks up the booze I don't care!

I would.

You seem to be trying to convince me to your opinion? I don't need convincing. I am giving my opinion based on my preferences, preferences that are not uncommon. OP is looking for varied opinions.

Of course it is a wedding and most people will be polite and say it is lovely, but that doesn't mean some/many will not enjoy it. Of course, as hosts, if the couples restrictive dietary choices are more important to them than all their guests enjoyment, they are paying so they get to make the choice.

There is a world of difference between "accessible" and enjoyable.