To refuse to travel at 20 weeks pregnant

[Kofifi]

I have been put forward to attend an important event for work in San Fransisco, when I will be 20 weeks pregnant. I find these events exhausting at the best of times and am really dreading the idea of doing it pregnant. Especially with the long travel (16hr) involved.

I was planning to tell work that I'm pregnant after my 12 week scan next week. And I ideally want to use it as a reason to say I don't want to do any long haul trips.

But everywhere I google it says there's no reason I can't travel at 20 weeks. And so I'm worried they'll make me go anyway.

Aibu to think I should be able to opt out?

A lot of companies don't pay for direct.

This. I imagjne your employer will be relieved you don't want to go to the US when pregnant.

It’s not completely unreasonable. I’m an employer and my whole team had an event in the US when one was 34 weeks pregnant. She was happy to go, had all the advice she needed and had access to medical care while there for a health concern (wasn’t serious but we made sure checked out asap). It’s dependent.

As an employer, you consider your employees and their situation at the time, but not to offer the trip isn’t appropriate with the info here. Equally, they don’t know the OP is pregnant yet. Some women are very happy to keep working pretty normal, others want to but can’t due to health issues around pregnancy and others find they have more concerns about it and either need extra support or to have a look at the tasks within their role specifically for during this time. In this case, most employers would give the flight to someone else, but if that wasn’t possible and there were no health concerns they may be asked to do it. It’s not cut and dry - employers need to make reasonable adjustments, but equally want to keep employees happy, but it depends on what that person’s role is, who else is available and how important the trip is.

Edited to add: @Kofifi you’re not unreasonable to ask you don’t go, I’ve had another pregnant employee who didn’t want to fly short haul as the event wasn’t suitable for someone suffering sickness. We managed to meet her request. However, be clear with your reasons for why this event, whether and how this affects any other aspects of your job (inc future events) and try to go in with a solution where possible.

We managed to meet her request.

Well, you kind of had to unless you want to strongarm a vomitting pregnant woman onto a plane.

TBF to the employer the OP said “Especially with the long travel (16hr) involved”

With the best will and all the money in the world that sort of timing could be easily achieved with a journey by road/rail/coach/ short haul connecting flight from the OP’s origin to a major airport and then a long haul flight of maybe 11 hours plus if the OP is travelling from the UK/Europe.

Exactly. It has nothing to do with being pregnant. You don't want to do it because you don't like to do it and so just want to use your pregnancy as an excuse to get out of it. Which is why some people think it's quite shitty to use your pregnancy this way and why you are slightly concerned about it affecting your career in the future.

It has everything to do with being pregnant.

@HollyKnight your making a lot of assumptions about me and my intentions. If you don't think I'm being reasonable that's fine and I value your opinion. But I am not using my pregnancy as an excuse to get out of a trip. I have valid conerns about the impact on my health and my pregnancy.

I regularly travel for work, will continue to do short haul trips, and would have ordinarily done this trip without question.

As other people have pointed out, there are lots of additional factors that need to be taken into consideration (USA healthcare, healthcare laws, increased risk of DVT, and the impact of timezones exhaustion and stress on my pregnancy). And even if you don't think its a big deal, I still have the right to decide it is too big a risk and an issue for me.

Your OP literally says you want to use being pregnant as a reason to not do have to do this trip because it's exhausting.

Of course people are going to come up with reasons to help support you getting out of this. This is MN where many people think being a mother or mother-to-be entitles you to special treatment. Someone even suggested being away from your partner is a reason to not go.

If your reasons are genuine, go ask your employer not MN.

Yes a reason. That's very different from an excuse?

As I also wrote in my OP I won't be telling my employer until I've had my scan. And as its weighing on my mind I came to ask for others experiences and opinions.

It has been for the most part very insightful (even the posts who strongly recommended I go) but I find posts such as yours, that make unreasonable assumptions about me, to be unhelpful and rude.

It has helped me decide that if an employer reacts in away like you have, then its not one I want to be associated with.

I would always put my physical and mental health first.

Tell them you are pregnant after the scan and that you are feeling rather unwell /exhausted/worried at the moment and you don't want to commit to this travel request.

It gives them plenty of time to arrange for someone else to go.

Because some of the women posting here had no issue travelling while pregnant does not mean that your body will react in the same way and it is not worth you stressing yourself out for weeks over it and potentially affecting your health.

Also if your employer is smart the last thing they want is to force a pregnant woman to travel against her wishes and end up in a legal nightmare if you were to feel unwell on the plane or while you were in the US...any good HR will be cautious about this.

I'm just going to post this here for all those who are saying it's not an illnesses so carry on as normal.

www.gov.uk/working-when-pregnant-your-rights

Health and safety for pregnant employees
When the employee tells their employer they’re pregnant, the employer should assess the risks to the employee and their baby.
Risks could be caused by:
• heavy lifting or carrying
• standing or sitting for long periods without adequate breaks
• exposure to toxic substances
• long working hours
Where there are risks, the employer should take reasonable steps to remove them. For example, offering the employee different work or changing their hours.
The employer should suspend the employee on full payy_ if they cannot remove any risks. For example, offering suitable alternative work.
As a manager I'd actually be very grateful if an employee in very early pregnancy told me they had concerns about a proposed trip at 20 weeks. Purely from a planning perspective

It'd be a no to work from me. You will be feeling tired, quite possible still have morning sickness and have to be careful. Travelling to San Francisco would be tiring for anyone and exhausting when you're pregnant. Take care xx

So as everyone has commented

its not an illnesses

Travel unless advised not to by medical professionals is not an issue when pregnant

Does anyone not find long haul travel exhausting?

I wouldn't be going. Ive had 3 DC and horrendous pregnancies. Last DC I had HG so was constantly vomiting. I struggled to do anything.

You need to have a risk assessment from your manager when you tell them you are pregnant - explain about tiredness, struggling to keep going, finding travel difficult etc - whether its true or not I wouldn't be going on that trip.

Your work may also not want you to go as the insurance they have for you when you're over there may not want to cover any pregnancy related medical issues as they can be extremely expensive.

Also, for me, I wouldn't want to be away from my partner for 1 week when pregnant. And despite what people have said here, not everyone has a great 2nd trimester. Some are miserable for the entire 9 months and travelling for 16 hours would be my worst nightmare.

If I was you and my work made me go, I would be conveniently off sick that week so I didn't have to go. Mine and my baby's health comes before a work trip, especially as someone else could go.

It's not comparable to others on this post who went on holiday as they clearly wanted to go, and you don't.

Unless you have complications there is no reason not to travel - but do demand a direct flight at least. It's being awkward that makes people hesitant about hiring pregnant women.

I flew at 24 weeks no problem at all

.....do demand a direct flight at least.

There have been a few calls for that on this thread but it's easier said than done.

If the OP lives in the UK and is on the doorstep of Heathrow then it should be easy to arrange since non-stop LHR-SFO is available with several carriers...there might be odd option out of Gatwick and Manchester but UK regions to SFO direct/non-stop..nope

Just in case the OP isn't in UK it's worth being aware similar applies elsewhere in Europe ...to get to SFO you need to start your journey at one of the major major airports (e.g. Paris, Frankfurt, Amsterdam..) to get a non-stopper or you're stuck with a connection in the US....

YANBU if you don't want to do it because of YOUR pregnancy (no one else's) you should be able to tell your manager and not have it impact your career.

I am 17 weeks pregnant, I felt so so rough for the first 15 weeks but I am finally coming out of it. I did not have that with my 1st and if I went on to have another 20 children I might not have it again. So that fact others have flown at a similar stage doesn't matter. I also got sciatica on my 1st around the 22 week mark and sitting on a plane for that long would not appeal.

Is is possible that you could tell your manager on a 'I might pull out' basis? That it could be changed to someone else about a month before you need to go?

She has said there are no direct flights. Not every airport flies to every city.

To America on a 14 hour trip? OP isn’t planning to stop flying, just so far away for an exhausting work trip that isn’t necessary.

Unless OP lives in London, flying to SF will involve stops.
I used to fly to SF regularly for work and it's not a trip I'd be keen to do while pregnant. Europe and maybe east coast US but not 16hrs+ to SF.

I'm a Director. If you were my employee and you didn't want to go then I'd simply send someone else. Particularly if there was someone else capable and keen to do it. From my perspective the additional risk if something were to happen to you is not worth the aggravation. Who knows what could crop up on your 20 week scan (I was placenta pravia so increased miscarriage risk) and then you could be scrambling for a last minute replacement in any event (hopefully you will be absolutely fine). I wouldn't let it have any impact on your overall performance review either.

Whether people think it’s ok to travel or not, if you’re not ok with it, say so. Would you be travelling alone? I don’t think they would force you to go, a lot of places tend to be careful when you’re pregnant. Risk assessments in the workplace are usually done whilst pregnant, can your workplace remove any risks whilst you travel? I don’t think they can so if you’re not comfortable with it, say so, they’ll be understanding surely and you’ll have been worrying over nothing.

It doesn't hurt to ask. You honestly think such a long flight would be difficult in your condition. Is there someone who can substitute? If yes, make your concerns known.

I wouldn’t have been able to travel like that at 20 weeks. I had a LOT of water retention and was so swollen. I was off sick from 6 months because I struggled standing. So I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say you may not be physically up for it.
Everyone is different but only you will know what you can handle