To refuse to travel at 20 weeks pregnant

[Kofifi]

I have been put forward to attend an important event for work in San Fransisco, when I will be 20 weeks pregnant. I find these events exhausting at the best of times and am really dreading the idea of doing it pregnant. Especially with the long travel (16hr) involved.

I was planning to tell work that I'm pregnant after my 12 week scan next week. And I ideally want to use it as a reason to say I don't want to do any long haul trips.

But everywhere I google it says there's no reason I can't travel at 20 weeks. And so I'm worried they'll make me go anyway.

Aibu to think I should be able to opt out?

No YANBU. Typical mumsnetters being cruel. I had two very different pregnancies, one I felt amazing and ‘glowing’. The other I felt awful the whole time. Sitting on a cramped plane for hours on end and the socialising at an event is ‘doable’ of course but if it makes a pregnant woman feel even more horrific than they already did then it’s really not acceptable for a workplace to ask!! Also as a side point most workplaces do assessments as soon as they find out you’re pregnant to make sure things such as your desk chair are ‘appropriate’ so a long haul flight on a horrible plane chair could be considered unacceptable if an ordinary bloody chair you usually use is deemed not suitable enough! 😄

I had a high risk pregnancy and flew at three months and did Eurostar at eight.

If your job description includes travel, as mine did, you could be asked to travel internationally and you cannot use your pregnancy as an excuse. If you feel you need to do a different role whilst pregnant you will need to take this up with HR.

My work were actually lovely and although theoretically I was supposed to fly regularly, they always ended up having the meetings at our location so I wouldn't have to fly.

Not sure what you are being such a knob for? You sound like nasty piece of work.

YANBU

I disagree with anyone that says you are. I'd fight tooth and nail if asked to go to a long haul destination for work purposes if I wasn't fully enthusiastic about it.

If you are forced onto the trip; I'd go off sick around the time of the trip. Pregnancy related issues, stress, sickness, tired whatever.

I'm sorry, but the job would replace you tomorrow if you were hit by a bus. Your health and that of your unborn child is paramount and If you're having gut feel to not want to travel for work purposes for whatever reason whether it be the travel , the additional stress, the extra work, the fact your so far from home, then don't.

Feels like a bit of a cop out to me.

I’ve got two children so speaking from my experience; if you’re before the 12 week scan mark you’re most probably shattered…growing a human and a whole new organ is hard! But once the placenta takes over you’ll likely feel much better before 20 weeks. I used to wonder if I was still pregnant before feeling kicks because I went from feeling so bad to perfectly fine at 16ish weeks

Everyone is different. I would ask not to go if you are concerned. It might be that simple.
Some people sail through pregnancy and thrive. They can do everything and more. Others struggle, feel tired, have complications. Do what’s right for you and forget about what other people think!

This lenght of flight is usually business (flat bed) class so it’s at least comfortable. However if you decide to go or there’s no way out, discuss with employer how health insurance is handled while there as if something (god forbid) happens, the costs can be extortionate and some hospitals may even refuse to see you if you don’t have adequate coverage

minimum, check with work that their insurance will cover you. Where I work, non-essential travel when pregnant would not be encouraged (blue chip, no ‘insurance policy’ as such, individual expenses would be paid as out of pocket) although San Fran will at least have good medical access and no travel related diseases like malaria.

My waters went at 19 weeks when I was abroad so with experience I’d be saying absolutely don’t go! It is not a fun experience having no idea of when you will be allowed to get home and under what circumstances.

That said, it is definitely not the norm so if you do go, just ensure that you have excellent travel insurance which covers every eventuality and take it easy whilst you’re there!

I was previously very easy-going so wouldn’t have thought twice about travelling at 20 weeks had that not happened to me!

You are pregnant, not ill.
Woman up!

I'm sure that 14 hour shifts were horrendous at that stage in pregnancy. On the other hand they didn't come with a risk of DVT, (a well known side effect of sitting on your bum) and a double dose of transatlantic jet lag. And if anything went wrong you were in your local hospital, rather than in midair or on the other side of the world.

Swings and roundabouts innit. The OP might well be fine, and I wouldn't criticise her if she decided she wanted to go, but she's not being mad to want to opt out.

Absolutely! Pregnancy is physically and emotionally draining. It's not a slight against equality, it's how it affects you. No it's not an illness but it is a precious time you are carrying a baby and your priority emotions are to look after yourselves. Please don't feel pressured to do a long haul flight just because some have, choose what is best is best for you. Congratulations by the way, being tough and successful doesn't mean you have to go against your gut instinct. 👌

Oh do shut up and stop making her feel worse than she needs to.

OP, having a baby is actually a lot like being on a long-haul flight and sitting around endlessly at the airport - people think you're not doing much but you're constantly vigilant and unable to switch off. The first 3 months are hard but you get through them and start to have an easier time after that. Good luck!

I travelled to the US much earlier on in one pregnancy and much later than 20 weeks in a different pregnancy with no bother. By 20 weeks you'll have much more energy and be absolutely fine. There's no reason why you can't go. Enjoy!

I had a fairly normal, easy pregnancy and funnily enough was nearly asked to go to the US for work at a similar time… once she knew I was pregnant, my boss said she wouldn’t want me to go if I didn’t want to and I did not REMOTELY fancy it. Being away from my partner, being even more tired than I usually was, worrying that something that might happen whilst I was away… no chance. Stick to your guns, OP. I haven’t rtft but I cannot believe how many disappointing replies you’ve had. Compassion is a lost art for so many.

It reads like even if you were not pregnant you don’t want to go, you didn’t like it but were putting up with it. So, break it down how critical is it to your job and in your head are you coming back after mat leave? If you do are you going to be happy to leave your baby to do it?

Tbh I would approach it with the boss asap and ask if you can take your maternity cover person this year do they know what they are doing whilst you are there. Explain your Uber tired/hormonal and realistic with a small child you’re unsure if being away will work when you return, people react better when there’s a plan and someone might love the travel it’s even better if you’re not needed you can help from the end of the phone but you could duck this one up with a bit of support.

Personally, I would not travel to the US while pregnant these days as in a lot of states the doctors now won’t help you if you are losing the baby as they are worried about criminal charges. It’s allowed in California, but what if something should happen and you have to land in one of the states where they won’t? It’s not a risk I would want to take.

I mean technically it’s safe, but you’re right it sounds exhausting and you should have the right to refuse, you can only ask. Having saying that the second trimester is the easiest in my experience, I had lots of energy around that time. So I suppose it depends how you feel and if there are any complications.

You may be unable to get suitable travel/ health insurance

Dd1 is an obs gynae senior registrar and she went to Mauritius for a week when she was about 23 weeks pregnant. I do think it's best not to use pregnancy as an excuse not to do anything unless you are having actual difficulties. Dd1 is 34 weeks now and she's not enjoying the long commute or the hours on her feet but she wants to go as long as possible before she takes maternity leave.

I wouldn't go if it was me, however, my pregnancy is high risk and due to a medical condition I'm awaiting treatment for, I'm not currently able to get travel insurance.

I was also very nearly abroad when my first pregnancy went horribly wrong (tubal ectopic which ruptured at 7 weeks and required emergency surgery). So, my risk appetite is greatly reduced after that experience.

I would also refuse to travel to any country which didn't have good abortion rights in case of any complications. There have been stories of women unable to seek abortion care in the US for second trimester losses until the situation has deteriorated to the point their lives are in danger or the woman has had to go out of state for care. I'd want to be very confident of California's abortion legislation before I considered going there.

You may find your employer would be happy to send someone else when they know you are pregnant due to the risk that if you get pregnancy complications, you could be stuck in the US for a long time.

@Dutchairfryer

Are you purposely being obtuse or do you just generally struggle with reading comprehension?

Absolutely not one single person has claimed that pregnancy, on its own, is an illness.

The legislation literally quoted that an employer must do a risk assessment and remove those risks - which can include [but are not limited to]

• standing or sitting for long periods of time without adequate breaks
• long working hours

Flying for 16hrs would be considered both of the above, not even taking into consideration adjusting to transatlantic jet lag X 2 in the space of one week. And the fact that pregnant women are five times more likely to be at risk of DVT.

I mean, I flew as far as it is possible to fly (42hrs door to door) at 35+4 with SPD on crutches, hyperemesis and an incompetent cervix. I had to have extensive medical clearance. But it was absolutely unavoidable, not to mention sheer hell and terrifying. I wouldn't advise anyone else to do the same, and I certainly wouldn't think that just because I managed it, someone else could.

Reasonable adjustments have to be made by employers for pregnant women (as they should be), and it's no stretch to class a 16hr flight (and back in a week), to be a perfectly viable reason for those adjustments to be made. Wind your neck in.

The legislation doesn’t say to remove those risks, but to assess them

At our workplace there is literally a guide for pregnant employees on exercises do on long haul flights - which covers off that element

plus if it’s a layover as long as they can demonstrate the Op had time for rest - again not an issue

If the OP doesn’t want to go due to her pregnancy I hope her workplace is reasonable and listens, the issue here is they don’t have to.

If the Op asks and they say no tough shit you’re going, unless she is signed off she will need to go or face whatever disciplinary process her workplace has in place.

The Op cannot simply refuse to travel. Which is the entire premise of the post.

I find any work travel exhausting. While I did several long haul flights until I was 36 weeks pregnant, they were for leisure and I wasn’t tied to a schedule. I had to go part-time during my pregnancy and then on maternity leave from 6 months. I was sick as a parrot all the way through.

Insurance wise it may be easier for your employer to send another member of staff, the insurance for you could be high presuming they cover it?