To refuse to travel at 20 weeks pregnant

[Kofifi]

I have been put forward to attend an important event for work in San Fransisco, when I will be 20 weeks pregnant. I find these events exhausting at the best of times and am really dreading the idea of doing it pregnant. Especially with the long travel (16hr) involved.

I was planning to tell work that I'm pregnant after my 12 week scan next week. And I ideally want to use it as a reason to say I don't want to do any long haul trips.

But everywhere I google it says there's no reason I can't travel at 20 weeks. And so I'm worried they'll make me go anyway.

Aibu to think I should be able to opt out?

Here here!

I think not wanting the extra stress is reason enough.

Truth is even if it wasn't your first pregnancy you just don't know how you'll feel at that point.

Clearly it's a source of worry for you.

For what it's worth I wouldn't do such a trip at 20 weeks but I know how Ill pregnancy makes me, at that point I'm tired and sick still.

Work goes on and honestly if they stall your career progress for saying no they probobly would have for taking a year out anyway.

Very unlikely people will even remember what trips you took or didn't by time you come back from leave. Any you may not even go back - plans can change.

Most importantly, just put you and baby first. Work is work but you and babies health is the most important thing.

Stress and tiredness not worth potential impact on you and baby, plus you'll be more vulnerable to sickness and likely to pick up bugs on plane. You don't want to catch Covid or get flu at 20 weeks...

I had no problem travelling throughout pregnancy, including a transatlantic trip muck later than 5 months BUT risk appetite in pregnancy (and symptoms) vary so much.

Some people do not feel safe being far away from their own medical providers during pregnancy (especially if they've had previous troubles) and if you say you are not confortable flying, your employer will probably take it at face value. Doubt they would push you on such a personal thing.

What's the point of maternity services then? Who needs a midwife when others have sailed through pregnancy and birth? After all it's not an illness and being pregnant can lead to entitlement 😳🤡

Your employer may be happy for you not to fly. Medical insurance costs for pregnancy and travel to the USA are ruinously expensive as contrary to a previous posters comment they are not a standard inclusion on US policies and you also need cover for the unborn child if over 24 weeks ( I think that’s the gestation) plus make sure your layover is not in a state where abortion is illegal eg Texas or Alabama as cover and care is complex in the unfortunate event of a late miscarriage .

I just don't get why you wouldn't go.

You will likely only have a small bump by then and you will be feeling much better than you are now. When you actually have the baby your days of flying internationally to sleep in a hotel room and do interesting and fun work events will severely diminish at least in the short term.

You aren't incapacitated or disabled, you're pregnant. I'm currently pregnant with my third and I'm actually quite sick of people treating me like I'm physically defective in some way.

Are you checked in with a midwife @supercalafragilisticexpealidocious

If not it's negligence. If so you're under medical care.

I wouldn't have wanted to do it. I'm hypermobile and had bad joint pain when pregnant so 16 hours sitting would have been a struggle. And I also had bleeding in both pregnancies that necessitated urgent hospital visits and very much wouldn't want to have a situation in US health system unless there was a guarantee all pregnancy related issues were 100% covered by insurance.

I'm not sure I would want to travel to the USA if I was pregnant in case anything went wrong with the pregnancy while I was there. Depending on which state you would be in and their exact stance on pregnancy/abortion rights, you could find yourself being arrested for having a miscarriage or being denied life-saving treatment if healthcare staff were afraid of breaching the law in some way. Wasn't there a woman in Ireland who died in this kind of circumstance?

With the US these days there are legitimate concerns around maternity care.

I know you do want to even consider this but if you were in a US state that out right banned abortion of any kind and you required a medically necessary one to save your life then you could reasonably refuse to travel because although that risk is small it’s a risk.

this is would be different to travelling to France for example.

@placemats eh? What's that got to do with anything?

I actually think OPs work wouldn't ask any questions if she said she didn't want to travel due to pregnancy. So it's entirely personal for the OP. But there's no obvious medical reason why she can't fly and she might find she enjoys the freedom before a small person arrives.

I can’t believe that the vote is toward YABU. YANBU to not want to travel.

I had my kid at 37 and 41. Under consultant care after prior miscarriages. Prone to huge random bleeds. Absolutely petrified of losing my babies. You would have never known that to see or speak to me at work and I carried on working to 39 weeks both times BUT there’s no way I would have flown long haul due to the risks.

What are you on about?

Exactly. OP if you don't feel up to flying then please don't do it. So many bootlickers on here.

Wild horses couldn't have made me do this at any stage of pregnancy, the whole thing was exhausting!! The baby was x10000 times easier.

Pregnancy is a medical condition that requires the pregnant person to declare it and if wishing to continue with the pregnancy, sign up to a midwife.

If a person decides not to continue with the pregnancy then a medical intervention is needed and if this happens after 10 weeks, requires the signature of two doctors for a termination.

Main reason not to go and to say so now is so the business can plan and send someone else. You have no idea how you will feel at 20 weeks and you might feel brilliant. But equally you might have any kind of complication like high or low blood pressure or an illness and these are more likely in pregnancy.
We would send someone else unless you were pushing really hard to go. It's just good planning.

YANBU.

We will all feel differently about pregnancy for lots of different reasons. I was very anxious during my pregnancy due to previous losses and there's no way I'd want to be that far from home.

Anything can happen at any time. I'd like to think your managers would be understanding and hopefully someone else can go.

I also recognise that being pregnant doesn't mean you're incapacitated etc but there does come a point when you're not necessarily able to do what you could before being pregnant. There's nothing wrong with looking after ourselves and putting our best interests above those of our employer!

I find it really incredible how many people are insistent op will be feeling fab by 20 weeks. My pregnancy was tough the entire way through and op is right, she's no way of knowing how she'll feel.

I think op, I would try to get your scan over you this week and then tell your employer (unless they're supportive and you feel able to have a quiet word with your line manager ahead of that so things aren't booked until you announce).

I would say you aren't up to travelling that week because you'll have your big 20 week scan that week and use that as your excuse. I'd also say you've been having a rough time during first trimester and you don't want to cost the company money if someone had to cover for you later if you aren't feeling better by then. I'd be clear you're on hand for anything shorter and are happy to help with any prep needed.

That’s nice but what has that got to do with this thread? Do you have a point?

YANBU pregnancy is exhausting for the first few months, then as baby gets bigger, your gait is thrown out and you can get absorbs of oddities - I developed symphysis pubis dysfunction so couldn't walk up steps or stairs, found it hard extendeding my legs at all. My car became so uncomfy it had to go.

Ref the 20 week point and not wanting to take flights or travel for 16hours, I think it's a reasonable adjustment so your employer should consider it and act accordingly. This doesnt mean they say you dont need to go, they could address the travel with a stayover or chauffeur to and from airports.

This 100%

You're going to be sitting on your bum for most of those 16 hours though. It's not like they're asking you to be on your feet for that length of time. I worked 14-hour shifts as a nurse while 35 weeks pregnant. It was doable, I went up 2 shoe sizes though! Sitting on a plane is a breeze. Just stick earplugs in, put a mask on, and sleep.

Sounds like you are suffering from pelvic girdle pain, have severe morning sickness and been put on medication to ease your aches and pains...side effects being: dizziness and being faint! Let your employer know about your pregnancy asap and get a risk assessment done. Your health and your baby is more important than work.

Some wild responses on here.

Odd that once you have the baby, you will be told you know your baby best and go with your gut instinct if something doesn't seem right but while you're pregnant, you should have no regard for your baby and must keep working regardless because of some ignorant understanding of equality.

A question for the people that spout the utterly stupid, "you're pregnant, not disabled", have none of you seen a disabled person on a plane?

While pregnancy is not a disability, it is a condition with risks. Hence the risk assessment required in workplaces.

OP, if you're not comfortable with flying, don't. This is your baby; at the end of the day you are totally replacable at work.