To ask you your biggest regrets in life

[ThefloorisLav]

Just that really, do you have any major regrets from decisions you have made in the past?

Any words of Wisdom?

I would have seeked help/taken meds sooner for my MH problems. I struggled for years wasting most of my 20s in a deep depression, stuck and not progressing in my studies as I schould. It took me twice as long to get my degree and while I am now working in my chosen field it still sometimes causes me embarrasment I'm not further along in my career than I am, partly due to my late(r) start.

Settling for my ex husband when I knew there were issues.

Getting a weave sewn into my hair. It ruined my hair for ages!!

Starting smoking
Starting drinking

I wish I learned to drive 20 years earlier ! It wasn't so hard after all.

Not getting grief counselling when my grandmother died.

I watched her die of cancer, I became numb and it led to a really long, painful battle with my MH.

I really wish I had of listened to my emotions at the time and took time to heal. Instead I went into self-destruct mode with drinking etc.

Smoking cigarettes from the age of 14 until 34. Wasted so much money 😔.

Everything else that felt like failure at the time has led me to having some interesting life experiences and a broader outlook on life. In my early 50's now and completely at peace with how my life has turned out despite me not having some of the external markers of a "successful" life, such as home ownership.

Not ending relationship with ex DP sooner

I would have prioritised dating for marriage/children in my 20s over education and career.

I'm a lecturer with an alphabet of letters after my name but have found myself left on the shelf and childless at 40. I definitely personally wanted a family more than career success and am annoyed that I was discouraged from pursuing that by family/teachers/work while I still had time. I was ready for marriage and kids at 24/5 but was given the very clear message that I would have been seen as a failure had I done anything other than pursue educational and professional success prior to 30 (more like 35!).

Not going to live abroad when I had no responsibilities or dependents. I didn't think of it and no one suggested it. But I wish I, or someone in my family, had raised the subject.

I do generally like my life now, I have a lovely marriage with a truly truly wonderful man whim I adore. But part of me wonders what I'd be doing if I'd been a bit more adventurous when I was younger...

Not pushing and pushing the NHS staff last year when they discharged my Dad home from hospital without necessary and obvious investigations, I trusted their judgment against my own. He died 3 days later and I now, following an investigation we have a clinical negligence claim against them. Yet I will never get him back or get the chance to hold his hand whilst he died.

Moral of the story - Do not trust that the NHS will have your best interest at heart - you need to shout to be heard. (Sadly I say this as a nurse of 27 years also).

Getting married. Twice.
Being persuaded to give up a job and a home I loved to move to the other end of the country by a man when really I didn’t want to and losing a lot of money when I couldn’t stick it and sold up to come home as well as seniority in my career.
Focusing my time on a boyfriend rather than studies.
Always putting myself second.
Pretty much all of my regrets are due to trusting and listening to men basically.

Not splitting with my first husband sooner
starting smoking
not learning to drive earlier
not moving to the coast when I wanted to

I am very very happy. DH is exactly who I'd choose again - we met as teens so not too many bad choices beforehand - and the children are wonderful.

I would have had DC4 a year earlier I think, so I'd have had 4 DC in 6 years not 7 years - less time out of the workplace etc. It matters less as he gets bigger and if we had have done that, he wouldn't be him!

I wouldn't have bothered with the "middle" house (we bought starter home in 2009, family home in 2015 and forever home in 2021 - would have saved a fortune if we'd have gone straight for this one!)

Not understanding how important making your own provision for your pension is at an early enough age.

Getting married. It cost me £70k in legal settlement and about seven needless years of grief. Getting a divorce was the best thing I have ever done.

Should've left DH when the children were small. He was, and remains, a selfish man who puts himself first.

Not telling more people to " fuck off".

I really wish I had chosen a different man as the father of my children. I think the biological clock was ticking; I knew he had a bit of an alcohol problem but I thought if I loved him enough he would sort it. That didn’t happen as you can imagine.

Me too. I settled down quite young and while I can’t complain about any particular aspect of my life, there’s a couple of ‘what ifs’. Mainly around travelling and a certain man I really wanted to sleep with.

Not taking antidepressants earlier. Should have been on them from my teens. I struggled at uni, did badly, couldn't cope with a lot of life for my twenties, self medicated thinking that taking antidepressants was the easy way out- my parents are very anti medication and drummed into me that only mad people needed it.

I shouldn't have listened. Life would be massively different.

Some that I don't want to share here but also getting really overweight.
Having been slim into my 30s I'm now several stone overweight. Don't know why I didn't address it after the first stone went on.

I wish I'd really put a lot more thought into a career path instead of drifting along and finding myself fairly high up a ladder I don't want to climb.

Being a people pleaser..
Choosing a terrible man as my children's father due to my very very low self esteem..
Leaving my (very good) job in the city to be a SAHM and later working locally for piss poor money..
Selling my house and moving out of London..

I have many more

Thinking relationships were important at a young age. It's amazing how little it matters really.

Not teaching my dad to read and write. He was sick as a child and not expected to live so my grandmother who was a strange woman decided not to send him to school. He was an intelligent man and it held him back. Poor health meant that he couldn't work, but the ability to read would have enriched his life. I didn't push him to learn