To tell her school that they can deal with it if they have an issue? Re uniform rules

[ThatAdeptFish]

dd is 16 and has recently gotten highlights in her natural brown hair so it’s more of a blonde now. She asked me to pay for her to have it done a while back, I said we didn’t have the money but she’s recently gotten a job and spent her first pay check on getting it done. I thought her natural hair looked nice but what she’s had done does look nice too. Doesn’t look natural as such, you can tell it’s been highlighted but it’s still a normal colour, it’s not like she’s dyed it pink or anything.

Anyway, school rules say only natural hair colours are allowed, I did tell her that before she had it done but she said that the school don’t care and other people have highlighted hair and no one says anything.

well I have had no less than 4 phone calls from the school about her hair in the past 2 weeks, saying that school rules don’t allow it and she’s refusing to dye it back so can I please talk to her and make sure she dyed it back.

I did talk to her in fairness, and she said that the school are just being ridiculous and she’s not dying it back after she spent money getting it done. School have said she will have detentions until it is dyed back. She’s in year 12 if that makes a difference, she said that they’re stricter with lower school but in sixth form they don’t really care too much, well at least that’s what she told me.

AIBU to tell the school that if they have a problem with her hair, they can give her detentions, use whatever sanctions they use, but to leave me out of it from now on? She’s 16, she has a job, I literally have no power to make her dye her hair back, she’s not a small child, and she can deal with the consequences if she doesn’t do what the school have asked, but realistically I don’t know what they want me to do about it? In every other way she’s great, she helps around the house, does her homework, goes to her job, and I really don’t consider her hair to be worth picking a fight with her over.

I'd love to know how many teachers dye their hair. Yanbu and neither is your daughter

If she dyes her hair back to the original colour, it is still not her natural hair colour as dyed

I’m with your daughter on this one, it seems like a stupid interpretation of a rule.

very poor judgement from the school I’d say.

If it was pink or blue or green, fine, but blonde?! Ridiculous.

I’d encourage you to stand by her, and refuse to make her dye it back.

so whhat theyre saying is noone at teir schhool has any change to hair colour at all i dont belive tem

I am normally a stickler for abiding by school rules but I’m with you on this one.

Ridiculous. Schools focus on all the wrong things. Even if it was purple, why on earth does it matter.

I'd have thought only 'natural hair colours' meant no bright, obviously dyed hair, say shocking pink/blue/green, etc?
Properly/well done highlights certainly aren't unusual in this day and age.
Myself and some of my friends at school had them back in the early 70s (I'm in my mid 60s now), some even had the lot bleached, mine were platinum blonde, and very clearly not my natural colour (which was strawberry blonde). .
And that was at a grammar school! No one batted an eyelid, I don't remember it ever being mentioned, certainly not by any of the teaching staff.
It seems a bit ridiculous to be focusing on that if her grades and attendance are good. I can't see what ongoing detention is going to achieve, besides pissing her off and distracting from her concentrating on her exams.
If your daughter's hair looks like that photo, it's lovely. I'm quite envious!
I'd be having words. And not with your daughter, either.

I'm surprised that they are so strict with sixth formers. Does she have to wear a uniform as well?
When I was in sixth form I dyed my hair pretty much every colour in the rainbow and no-one batted an eyelid.

I just can’t understand those saying “rules are rules”. Rules should make sense, I don’t think it sets a good example to young adults to teach them to be robots and never stand up for themselves when they are the ones using common sense. I can’t see think of a single workplace that would dictate a woman being unable to highlight her hair. Back your daughter on this op, it’s not pink (like my hair was when I started 6th form!). Adding extra dye is no good for her hair, and will still not be her natural colour anyway!

Something that always bothers me immensely about the UK: the uniform rules and how they deal with them (detentions, removed from classes, exclusions, fines, …) I live in Belgium where students wear their own clothes and the only rules are mostly ‘not too naked’ and ‘no crazy hair colours’ but that last one is fading out by the year. Heck, even a visible tattoo on someone over 18 rarely gets called out. And I guarantee you, no student has ever failed at live because their shoes were the wrong leather, their tights the wrong denier or the black trousers not the same black as the blazer. In this respect the UK is off their trolley.

When I was in Year 11 I wanted blue in my fringe and got it, for about a month the school insisted I hide it with hair bands, but during summer it got too hot to do so.
I was put in Isolation about 2 or 3 times before they eventually just gave up.
The reasoning for the rule in my school was that "It's distracting to other students!"
But that was hard for them to fall back on when literally nobody in the entire school cared, nor were distracted by it.
Doubly hard to fall back on when they allowed people with "plum" or "maroon" coloured hair, or when those with peroxide blonde hair decided to use highlighters to give themselves streaks during breaktime or lunchtime.

Those rules are only meant to apply to unnatural colours such as bright reds, blues, pinks, purples, those sorts of things - things like I had and got away with after a bit of push and pull. Not Bloody highlights!

They're being ridiculous.
I'd imagine surely some of her female teachers likely have highlights, I know mine did - Fairly sure even the headmistress had highlights!
Perhaps point this out to them, their hypocrisy might embarrass them into backing down.
It's an outdated rule imo anyway, and one that they're clearly taking way too far!

YANBU, leave them to it with her, she clearly doesn’t mind being in detention. I’d agree to tell them you no longer want to be telephoned about the matter and they can deal with it directly with your daughter.

So, if you have children you'll not encourage them in any way to develop their own style, their own opinions and their own sense of self? Instead, you'll make sure that they reject their own individuality, you'll make them conform to rules and regulations that are clearly ridiculous because, well, rules are rules? Mmm great parenting if you want to raise boring little robots.

Some rules and some regulations are important - they're there for safety in many cases. Rules that have absolutely no benefits should be challenged and debated and in cases like this should be ignored. We're raising individuals, not sheep.

Sounds ridiculous, they want her to cover dye with more dye?? I would tell them she's paid for it and you're happy with what she's had done, she's willing to do the detentions so you're not going to be discussing it further with them. You'd think they had better things to spend time on!

Totally agree.
Bizarrley I was at school (England) in the 70’s and both male teachers and male pupils had long hair, nobody cared.

I‘m amazed that they’re bothered about this at sixth form. That was the time everyone experimented with hair/make up/clothes after 5 years of school uniform. Admittedly I went to a separate college as only 1 school here has a sixth form, but still…..

The school is being ridiculous.

Rather than stand back, I think you should back your daughter up. Fine that she needs to learn about consequences, but also that sometimes, rules are stupid and unnecessary, and someone needs to stand up to them. Perhaps she should complain that the rule is a breach of her human rights.

And the whole thing about dyeing it back is beyond insanity.

Kudos to your DD for getting a job and prioritising her spending on something she values.

The school is ridiculous. They might be looking for low hanging fruit or an example to be made if she is usually a rule keeper.

Unless she has dyed her hair blue in the first place, any unnatural colour in the highlights would defeat their purpose. As it stands the school is in the wrong, they can still draw the line on blue highlights on brown hair.

First of all.not schools are the same and secondly not everyone stays at school post 16
My 17 year old left school.lsst summer and is at college where they wear their own clothes and can do whatever they want with their hair and certainly don't get detentions
His school did have a uniform but it wssent a ridiculously strict one neither did they get detention, s for silly things

And this is where schools in this country have lost the plot...

My youngest came back from a holiday in Greece with fabulous blonde highlights, put there by a combo of sun, pool and sea water. Looked like a very, very expensive dye job. Fortunately we had a sensible school which interpreted 'natural hair colour' to mean 'naturally occurring' - so dye was allowed. Your school's wording seems similar, they really don't have a leg to stand on.

And our 6th form (part of the same school but a separate entity) was fully no uniform and no hair colour rules at all. Nobody died and there was no breakdown of law and order.

As for the 'needing to learn to follow rules' thing - this doesn't need to be practised in school unless you think British children are very, very stupid. They aren't. And workplaces are becoming less formal all the time - I'm in the NHS in an admin role and my hair is purple.

I'm surprised they haven't got anything better to do with pupils than police their hair colours, especially considering how often schools and teachers remind us how incredibly busy and overstretched they are at work.

Tell them she's dyed it and let them figure out how to prove you wrong. Honestly, these people need a wake up call - they're utterly ridiculous.

The vast majority of children in western Europe manage to attend school without uniforms, with whatever hair colour they want to wear and to no detriment.

It's no wonder UK teenagers are the unhappiest in Europe according to numerous polls and studies.

This rule is not enforceable and the highlights are a natural colour, sounds ridiculous. I understand that they don't want to encourage wild colours which don't look natural and draw attention but this seems really unfair.

I would:

-Explain that their policy is unclear, and blonde is a ‘natural colour’. Therefore your DD is not in the wrong.

-Ask them how this is impacting her education, or anything anywhere

-Explain you are really disappointed they made the effort to call you 4 times as as this is a waste of time and there are more important matters regarding education. No wonder it’s a mess in this country.

-Explain she is of working age, has a job and is responsible and you can’t and won’t make her do anything of the sort

-Tell them to go fuck themselves

I’d be asking for clarification as your DD’s hair is a natural colour.