To tell her school that they can deal with it if they have an issue? Re uniform rules

[ThatAdeptFish]

dd is 16 and has recently gotten highlights in her natural brown hair so it’s more of a blonde now. She asked me to pay for her to have it done a while back, I said we didn’t have the money but she’s recently gotten a job and spent her first pay check on getting it done. I thought her natural hair looked nice but what she’s had done does look nice too. Doesn’t look natural as such, you can tell it’s been highlighted but it’s still a normal colour, it’s not like she’s dyed it pink or anything.

Anyway, school rules say only natural hair colours are allowed, I did tell her that before she had it done but she said that the school don’t care and other people have highlighted hair and no one says anything.

well I have had no less than 4 phone calls from the school about her hair in the past 2 weeks, saying that school rules don’t allow it and she’s refusing to dye it back so can I please talk to her and make sure she dyed it back.

I did talk to her in fairness, and she said that the school are just being ridiculous and she’s not dying it back after she spent money getting it done. School have said she will have detentions until it is dyed back. She’s in year 12 if that makes a difference, she said that they’re stricter with lower school but in sixth form they don’t really care too much, well at least that’s what she told me.

AIBU to tell the school that if they have a problem with her hair, they can give her detentions, use whatever sanctions they use, but to leave me out of it from now on? She’s 16, she has a job, I literally have no power to make her dye her hair back, she’s not a small child, and she can deal with the consequences if she doesn’t do what the school have asked, but realistically I don’t know what they want me to do about it? In every other way she’s great, she helps around the house, does her homework, goes to her job, and I really don’t consider her hair to be worth picking a fight with her over.

Totally irrelevant!

I get what people are saying that her hair isn't pink etc however if it's a school rule then it's not fair to allow one child to dye it a colour that is more natural than a more unnatural colour that another child has chosen. It has to be a blanket rule so there's no room for different interpretations and unfairness. And yes if she dyes it back to her natural colour then it's still dyed but that is a consequence to her actions and would be seen as a deterrent to other children who are thinking well she's gotten away with it, I'm going to do the same. Support the school and speak to your daughter. You can't make her but it's still up to you to try your best.

It's so controlling isn't it. How ridiculous. I've heard of girls being banned from wearing make up too, even though it was used to cover skin problems.

I strongly disagree.

why should a child who didn’t choose to go there have less freedom than the adult who got to freely decide?

God forbid she have her own personality and likes. I'd be telling school to sort it with her if they have a problem, because I do not.

Her hair is still “of a natural colour” - I agree to point out that it’s not reversible so if she dyes it again it still won’t be her natural colour! I would fight her corner on this and contact the governors for a clarification on the policy. She hasn’t dyed it pink so I don’t see what their problem is. Some people’s hair gets lighter in the sun, are they going to kick off about that??

You'd think the school would have bigger fish to fry. This is nonsense.

Actually, policies allowing all natural colours and drawing the line at obviously unnatural ones aren't unheard of. It can easily be a blanket rule.

The whole thing just shows that the school is ridiculous setting up such rules.

I'd say support your DD, OP, blindly following nonsensical rules isn't very useful life skill anyway.

It’s no wonder lots opt for college for A levels. She’s yr 12 so does have a choice to attend there but if it’s like our town the only sixth form option is a school with uniform, it’s several miles away for a college.

Power trip or what, ignore….she’s in yr 12, bonkers….if she dyes it it won’t be her natural hair colour either and will have to be very dark to cover the blonde!

Natural hair colours has always meant natural, normal hair colours, not necessarily their own natural hair colour. I think school are being ridiculous

Tell the school she's actually naturally blonde but had been dyeing her hair brown the last few years ... and now cannot afford the upkeep due to cost of living so decided to go back to her natural blonde :)

Or say it's semi permanent and will wash out in 6 weeks.

Yeah, I'd interpret those kinds of policies as in, you can dye it blonde, brown, black, but not pink or blue, etc.

I don't think it's anything to do with the school how they have something as personal as their hair - but I understand why unnatural colours might be prohibited.

Right.
Because highlighting your hair interferes with your capacity to learn.
Just like the boy in Texas who’s being punished because of his natural and very neat braids (close to head) interferes with his capacity to learn.
The irony is Texas bans books - interfering with every child’s capacity to learn.
Arseholes.

The rules say natural colours. Her hair is a natural colour. @secondscreen , why should OP support the school when it bleats "Oh, but that isn't what we meant"? And how would applying yet more dye make it any more of a natural colour?

She is obeying the rules as written. Her hair is a natural colour, which is what the school are insisting on.

Mad. DD's school had a similar policy but it was always taken as natural colours being the colour someone's hair could naturally be so not pink, turquoise etc though to be fair they were a bit more relaxed in 6th form. This is quite a traditional grammar school too.

Sounds mad to me! Your poor dd. There are proper issues to worry about - I'd be getting very stroppy. I say this as a teacher.

@secondscreen do you actually have a 16/17 yo? I have had 4 of them and this is just pettiness on the school's part. Ground a teenager for getting highlights??

My child’s school has this rule, but as others have said. it refers to only having hair colour that occurs naturally ie not pink, purple etc. The school are being ridiculous. It sounds like a teacher/HOY has decided it doesn’t look natural and will not let it go 🙄. I would just let them give her the detentions, they’ll eventually stop and the colour may fade a bit. An alternative may be to have her hair up and in a style that hides the highlights. My DD had to do this for ages when she had pink in the ends of her hair.

Schools can be ridiculous at times. My DC was told off one day by the deputy head for having the wrong colour jumper on. The jumper was a very standard M&S school navy blue, exactly the colour listed in the uniform rules. Friends at the table were completely mystified as they had exactly the same colour jumpers on but weren’t spoken to. DC is very quiet and was upset. A few days later, DC was congratulated on getting a new jumper in the correct colour by the same member of staff, it was the same original jumper 🤦🏼‍♀️. Sometimes I think it’s a power thing ☹️.

Id tell them that she has been dying her hair for years so none of the colours they've seen her with are her birth colour 🤷🏽‍♀️😆

Is it a sixth form where she still has to wear uniform? Dd is still at school but doesn't have to wear uniform now she's in the sixth form. I'm not sure if there are hair dye rules or not now. (There were before year 12 but I'm pretty sure the picture you posted would have been fine as its natural colours

Well if she dyes it back its still not her natural hair colour 🙈
What a load of fuss over some highlights!

Oh my god maybe she should just switch and go to a college instead.

I think you have the right idea fwiw…

If the school calls again just tell them to deal with it.

• There is literally nothing you can do to force her to change it.
• ‘She knew the rules before getting it done and doesn’t appear to be fussed with the consequences

At a certain point you have to step back and let it play out. It’s good experience for her.

This happened to my dd too. I put a rinse to tone it down a bit. By the time it washes away school will be over