To tell her school that they can deal with it if they have an issue? Re uniform rules

[ThatAdeptFish]

dd is 16 and has recently gotten highlights in her natural brown hair so it’s more of a blonde now. She asked me to pay for her to have it done a while back, I said we didn’t have the money but she’s recently gotten a job and spent her first pay check on getting it done. I thought her natural hair looked nice but what she’s had done does look nice too. Doesn’t look natural as such, you can tell it’s been highlighted but it’s still a normal colour, it’s not like she’s dyed it pink or anything.

Anyway, school rules say only natural hair colours are allowed, I did tell her that before she had it done but she said that the school don’t care and other people have highlighted hair and no one says anything.

well I have had no less than 4 phone calls from the school about her hair in the past 2 weeks, saying that school rules don’t allow it and she’s refusing to dye it back so can I please talk to her and make sure she dyed it back.

I did talk to her in fairness, and she said that the school are just being ridiculous and she’s not dying it back after she spent money getting it done. School have said she will have detentions until it is dyed back. She’s in year 12 if that makes a difference, she said that they’re stricter with lower school but in sixth form they don’t really care too much, well at least that’s what she told me.

AIBU to tell the school that if they have a problem with her hair, they can give her detentions, use whatever sanctions they use, but to leave me out of it from now on? She’s 16, she has a job, I literally have no power to make her dye her hair back, she’s not a small child, and she can deal with the consequences if she doesn’t do what the school have asked, but realistically I don’t know what they want me to do about it? In every other way she’s great, she helps around the house, does her homework, goes to her job, and I really don’t consider her hair to be worth picking a fight with her over.

YANBU. Another pathetic school rule.

95% of the time, I'm on the side of the school. I'm a former teacher who still works in Education.
However I am 100% on your daughter's side in this situation! Absolutely ridiculous.

Our school has that rule highlights are fine as long as they are a natural colour and blond is a natural colour. I’d just be blunt with them and say look I’ve spoken to her but she paid for it herself and won’t dye it. I don’t blame her either

but it’s still of a natural colour. Policing pupils’ appearance this way really is absolutely ridiculous. Are they bored?

Adults that chose their career and their place of employment. Unlike the vast majority of students!

Tell the school that he hair is a natural colour, just not her natural colour and they need to word their policy more clearly. She will accept the detentions, you will not impose other sanctions at home.

Absolutely bizarre, when I was in highschool this “rule” was in force.. I remember I had my hair dyed with blonde in.. not to far off the picture uploaded on here and they excluded me and said to my mum (I was 15) that I wasn’t allowed back in school until I had gone back to “my natural colour”.. didn’t realise they are still enforcing this tripe.. fair enough with rainbow colours etc.. but blonde on a natural colour.. just not her “natural colour.. my mum and my Nan stayed this to my old highschool and said there policy wasn’t correct as it didn’t state whether it had to be “my” natural colour or “a” natural hair colour..

school literally couldn’t exclude me due to there own wording of there policy and I refused to dye my hair back to the colour they said I should do..

by me having some blonde in my hair was not affecting me or anyone else learning during the 6hrs there..

well done to your daughter for sticking up for herself, she earned that money and she chose what to do with it.. school can happily pay for her hair if they “want it any other way”.. she sounds sensible and clued on.

Ugh. Hate these kind of rules. I spent my teen years with all sorts of wild coloured hair and miraculously it has held me back in no way. The only thing school said was when a teacher commented on how she liked the way it matched the cherry red doc martens I was wearing that day...

Anyway I'd be inclined to get her to style it slightly differently or go for a professional blow dry, then go in and deadpan say that it has been dyed "back" - I reckon no one will be able to tell. It's not like she's gone from pale blonde to brunette, it's a few blonde highlights.

Utter madness on the part of the school. If it was bright green maybe an issue but even then in a year 12 I'd struggle.to see the need. Just read this to DD also year 12 at an outstanding 6th form. They have one rule nothing offensive for uniform. It's a very multicultural collage so they ask them to steer away from religious themes or slogans.. Her comment was 90% of her a level chemistry class including the teacher ( bright purple i belive) would be in detention over this. Most are on track for TG and medicine entry. Hair colour has no effect on learning!

as a 16 year old I went to college with bright blue hair! Thankfully I was at school and they didn't have stuipd hair rules! The hair in the picture looks lovely! What a fuss over nothing!

• I went to college and not school, Not that my school was massively strict about hair colour!

buy a hijab, they wont be able to see it then. problem solved :)

Schools should concentrate on more important matters than pupils hair. Never heard anything so ridiculous, bunch of clowns!.

The school sound ridiculous, she's in 6th form, they're meant to start treating them like adults.

This is a reason why a lot of us went to college to do out A levels rather than the 6th form attached to our school!

School are being ridiculous. Do the rules say "hair should be a natural colour" or "hair should be its natural colour" - if the former they need to learn to be more precise ir the latter I suppose they've got a point even if it is a bit of a silly one.

FWIW DD's in 6th form at a girls grammar and when she dyed her hair to a similar style to the one your photographed her deputy head told how lovely her hair looked. Over all I'd say they're quite strict but they turn a blind eye to occasional minor non disruptive transgressions because they're more concerned about the girls mental health and academic success.

Your DD's school should be much more interested in what's IN your DD's head than ON your DD's head and if they keep obsessing about the latter it will be to the detriment of the former

She should tell them she identifies as a male with long blond hair.

utterly ridiculous that this type of rule is being enforced when there is so much other shit going on in schools.

It's ridiculous of them. Especially when she is in 6th form. They should be respecting her choices, in the same way they would an adult's, which she will be soon. It's not as if it is disruptive in any way to anyone else or sets some awful example. They should be happy she has a job and saved up for it herself.

My dd dyed two purple streaks into the front of her hair in year 11. She got told by school to dye it back but since she was struggling to attend school anyway following the lock down, they stopped nagging her after a while and there were no detentions issued.

Will they really give her detentions for the foreseeable? They will look pretty stupid if they do.

Why do parents tolerate this shit from schools?

And just how will they detain a 6th former?

British schools are mad.
Your DDs hair is clean, tidy —- what does the colour matter?

When schools are this controlling over pupils is it any surprise some grow into very controlling adults? They are literally teaching them this.

Just say it's get natural hair colour and it's been dyed all this time. Tell them to prove otherwise. Also agree that dyeing it back still means its dyed.

Honestly this is the reason kids these days have so many issues , because they are too controlled , they have no say or autonomy . What on earth does air dye have to do with education ? Why can’t kids dye their head even if it was purple , how does this affect their capacity of learning at all? I have a solicitor colleague that has purple and silver highlights, she is still bloody good at her job . Tell them there is nothing you can do and that their stance is ridiculous

Dep head here, of a school with no hair colour or style rules. It's one thing to enforce a uniform they can take off at 3:30 every day, another thing altogether to effectively dictate hair styles over weekends and holidays.

It looks natural colour to me. I'd argue the case.

Maybe say it won't be topped up and will eventually grow out.

My DD has something similar in year 8. No issue as it was a natural colour.

Sixth formers should have more freedom to dye their hair. Do sixth formers normally get detentions? I dint remember anyone getting one when I was at school. I would have just walked out.