To tell her school that they can deal with it if they have an issue? Re uniform rules

[ThatAdeptFish]

dd is 16 and has recently gotten highlights in her natural brown hair so it’s more of a blonde now. She asked me to pay for her to have it done a while back, I said we didn’t have the money but she’s recently gotten a job and spent her first pay check on getting it done. I thought her natural hair looked nice but what she’s had done does look nice too. Doesn’t look natural as such, you can tell it’s been highlighted but it’s still a normal colour, it’s not like she’s dyed it pink or anything.

Anyway, school rules say only natural hair colours are allowed, I did tell her that before she had it done but she said that the school don’t care and other people have highlighted hair and no one says anything.

well I have had no less than 4 phone calls from the school about her hair in the past 2 weeks, saying that school rules don’t allow it and she’s refusing to dye it back so can I please talk to her and make sure she dyed it back.

I did talk to her in fairness, and she said that the school are just being ridiculous and she’s not dying it back after she spent money getting it done. School have said she will have detentions until it is dyed back. She’s in year 12 if that makes a difference, she said that they’re stricter with lower school but in sixth form they don’t really care too much, well at least that’s what she told me.

AIBU to tell the school that if they have a problem with her hair, they can give her detentions, use whatever sanctions they use, but to leave me out of it from now on? She’s 16, she has a job, I literally have no power to make her dye her hair back, she’s not a small child, and she can deal with the consequences if she doesn’t do what the school have asked, but realistically I don’t know what they want me to do about it? In every other way she’s great, she helps around the house, does her homework, goes to her job, and I really don’t consider her hair to be worth picking a fight with her over.

What happens when kids go back after the summer hols having naturally sun-bleached hair? 🤔 what would the school say then?
If it’s blonde and brown I don’t think they have a leg to stand on. They are both natural hair colours.

I work in a school and students will look to stretch the rules regarding false lashes, make up etc but what they then say is it is to boost their mental health and the school immediately backs down. Whilst we might not like young people being very image focused we have to accept many are and if that is what makes them feel good, so be it. Some rules are not fit for purpose.

My DD says she should tell them that this is her natural hair colour and, up until now, she has been dying it.

This is utterly ridiculous, 4 phone calls, and teachers say they don’t have enough time, now they will be spending more time running detentions. All for blonde highlights in a 6th former. I would be standing up for dd and slamming the schools crazy rules, especially as it says natural is allowed!!

From a teacher who is currently sporting bright pink hair, this is a ridiculous rule and if your daughter's hair is anything like the photo then they have no leg to stand on anyway; it's hardly unnatural.

I make a point of going to interviews in the hair colour I intend to wear for the next 5 or so years, and they're never something I could get away with claiming is natural. Every dress code I've ever been given said natural colours only for staff, and I've ignored it every time and lo and behold it has not affected my teaching. Likewise, I ignore coloured hair in children, but many schools now don't seem to care too much about hair colour anyway.

If your child were in Y11 or 13 I'd say completely ignore it; no one gets sent home over hair colour in their exam years. To be fair, even in Y12 they will soon have better things to worry about than hair colour if you keep ignoring it. YADNBU

This type of stuff always makes me chuckle. I understand the banning of crazy colours and styles and trying to discourage younger students from disobeying "rules" but highlights in hair? Ridiculous. I bet half the staff dye their hair.

How can they prove it's not her natural hair colour, anyway? You could have been dying her hair brown because you're obsessed with brown hair for several years, like a maniac, and now her actual natural hair is coming through. Likewise, some time in the sun could have sun-bleached it, or perhaps she intended to do a temporary colour but her scalp reacted badly and has since been advised by a medical (or even hair) professional to not use chemicals on her head/scalp again. Why should she have to apply for chemicals/solution to her hair just to appease a silly rule? Like you said, it was her decision and paid for from her own pocket. Young people at 16 have their own flats and babies these days, a bit of blonde isn't exactly going to cause the kids to overthrow the institution of that's what they're worried about...

I agree it’s ridiculous. I’d have read that rule as no outlandish colours but blonde is a natural colour. The rules should be clearer no hairdye or highlights. All she can do is let it grow out. Her dyeing it won’t comply with rule? I wonder what would have happened if she had just brassed it out - no I’ve not had it dyed I went abroad at half term in the sun.
My dc is yr 13 at a state grammar with uniform and had her hair done in a very similar style and no issues, several female teachers complimented her. I’d email school and say it is a natural colour, no rule has been breached.

They are adults at their place of work, not children subject to school ruled.

As a teenager I bleached my brown hair white, then put bright blue dye over it (think Smurf colour), I had what I thought was a lovely bright blue bob…the colour washed out quickly to a less desirable green, so I then dyed it jet black, and went a bit gothy to accompany it. I got a lot of unsavoury comments from teachers but there was nothing in our rules. Honestly I can’t understand the problem, teenagers naturally want to experiment, this is the best time. I can kinda get a school doesn’t want kids focused on appearances and trying to keep up with one another but this is so silly as they’ll always find ways. I’d let have some stern words along those lines that you support your daughter and as others suggest question their policies, so dying in again is ok??? What is “natural”???

A girl in my school came in with a Mohican one day and the nuns went bonkers. She had to wear a wig until it grew out. It was hilarious. She’d put it on sideways or back to front, and of course we all had a go at trying it on.

Get her a wig and tell her to wear it for a few weeks until her hair tones down a bit. It’s a lot of fun but still obeys the letter of the law.

https://amzn.eu/d/h2yeTlr

Year 12? AS Level? Not allowed to dye their hair?
Talk about OTT.
Agree with above poster about why more parents are home schooling with shite like this.

I would simply tell them to fuck off... same thing my mam did when they pulled this crap with me too.

I'd tell them to fuck off. Petty jobsworth wankers.

They could f**k off if it was my kid. Its a natural colour.

Also hair changes colour at this age.

I was WHITE blonde as a child and turned natural dark red in my teen and adulthood (spent my 20s trying to get back to blonde but my hair won't go blonde again and dozens of hairdressers have tried).

Happens to most family members, my uncle went from white blonde ringlet to jet black polka straight hair when he hit puberty (back in the 60's) and honestly he wouldn't even know what to do with hair dye or styling. Definitely completely natural.

Two of why kids are white blonde, the oldest got his dads dirty blonde hair which has now got even darker turned brown between age 14-15.

It use to be fashionable to put lemon on your hair and sit in the sun to lighten hair and make 'natural' highlight too. No 'dye' involved.

@ThatAdeptFish hair looks gorgeous! School need to give their heads a wobble! Work with kids not on them, be glad they are attending!

I’d write a letter to the Board of Governors complaining that a school has nothing better to do than take issue with my daughter’s highlighted/balayaged hair.

I’d also ask them if they would like to clarify and communicate to the school community as a whole a precise, legal definition of ‘natural hair colour’ as, as far as the image provided above indicates, the shades chosen by your daughter, paid for by money she has responsibly earned herself, are within the spectrum of ‘naturally occurring shades of hair within the human population’.

I would actually side with my DD and so fight the school on this one.

1. It sounds like she hasn't even breached the rule. Her hair has been dyed a natural colour not an unnatural one.

1. Even if wrong about that, their solution is also for her to dye her hair meaning that it will effectively be the same - still a breach, demonstrating the ridiculousness of their rule. Even if they try to say highlights aren't natural they're wrong. People can naturally have highlights in their hair.

1. Even if they can overcome both of the above, it is a nonsense rule. They would be denying her right to an education over hair that is not distracting nor impacts her ability to learn. I can almost guarantee there will be staff members in that school with dyed hair not so dissimilar to hers.

This would for me be a chance to demonstrate to her that no, you don't always blindly follow authority and it is fine to question it when they're being nonsensical. I'd want my children as adults to feel empowered and able to do that too.

They need to clarify. I would have thought only natural colours allowed means no pink or green hair. But blonde highlights should be ok.

How tedious for your DD and you!! This should be a time of carefree experimentation, growing up and trying new things, including style and hair colour. This policy sounds far too strict and not suitable for this age group.

I've never understood this! It's about power and nothing else. The hair looks lovely. My cancer specialist has pink hair and tattoos...doesn't mean she can't do her job. If it isn't detracting from her education what's the issue?

Another option until it grows out would be for her to cover her hair with a scarf when she’s in school.

What an utterly ridiculous situation. My hair is very similar to that photo in that it has natural highlights, particularly in the summer or if I've been swimming a lot. The last time i had a new hairdresser they asked which salon had done my highlights.

Encouraging your daughter to dye it to another colour is ridiculous. She has chosen a natural colour, just not her own natural colour. And if she dyes it again then that will not be her own natural colour either so will be completely pointless.

As an aside, when I was at Sixth Form there was someone who moved out when she turned 16 and was living in her own flat as she didn't get on with her parents. They had to do all dealings with her direct so I would just tell them you have spoken to her and she is capable of making her own decisions and any further dealings about it need to be direct with her.

Looks beautiful

Utterly ridiculous ,not so many years ago she could legally have got married at her age and they're getting worked up about a few highlights !
I think i would be inclined to show school some of the comments on this thread .
Sadly no wonder so many kids are so disenchanted with school .