To want to fly home with our DD?

[HomeWard93]

Backstory:
DD is 8 months old had started solids but is still breastfed.
I have very, very little to do with DHs side of the family. I don’t get on with them, I don’t like them and vice versa so I don’t believe in spending parts of my short time on this earth with them unless it’s a big occasion/will cause fuss if I don’t. Before anyone starts saying “LTB” over my DH- it affects about 5% of our relationship, the other 95% is all good so I’m not leaving my partner over wanting to spend time with his family

SIL announced at Christmas time she was getting married. It was DDs first Christmas so PIL and SIL came over from Australia, stayed in a hotel and I only had to deal with them for a couple of hours on Xmas day.

SIL asked me to be a bridesmaid which took me massively by surprise. I thought it was her way of trying to build bridges so I accepted. Then she said babies weren’t welcome at the wedding- I then pointed out it wouldn’t be feesable as I physically couldn’t leave my child for 2 weeks (which would of been the minimum we would of gone to the other side of the world for- those who have been will understand you need the first 4/5 days to get over the jet lag) as she relied on me for nutrition and I wasn’t comfortable leaving her for a prolonged period of time. Not to mention my parents are in their 80s and couldn’t cope with a near toddler for 2 weeks.

SIL at first caused a fuss, couple of days later ran and agreed DD as her niece would be welcome. Great- or so I thought.

Me and DH arrived here yesterday, the wedding is next weekend. We went round to PIL for dinner and to meet SILs fiancée, and she introduced me to a neighbour who “would look after DD while we were at the wedding”. I was gobsmacked.

Ask what she meant and she said DD would stay with this complete stranger I had only just met for the day while I was at the wedding. I believe my precise words in reply were “you can fuck right off”.

SIL is refusing to have DD at the wedding so I have three choices- a) try and get my DD used to a bottle while we are in a strange country, surrounded by people she doesn’t know and is struggling with jet lag b) I refuse to go to the wedding and let DH go (which of course I’m fine with) but enjoy the rest of our holiday with DH or c) I book me and DD flights home on our credit card and leave DH here to holiday alone, again which I’m fine with.

Apparently I’m unreasonable if I do anything other than option A. Couldn’t give a shit what the out laws think and DH is upset too and agrees I’ve been blind sided but understand he wants to spend time with his family.

AIBU to want to go home?

the problem with giving any benefit of the doubt to the in-law's side though is that if they honestly thought this wouldn't be a problem or made an honest mistake is that they WOULD HAVE MENTIONED IT, at some point. It's pretty obvious the sil and pil were fully aware that it was unlikely OP would be happy with the 'neighbour having baby' plan which was why they waited until OP and her DH were literally there, and, in their mind, with no other option before revealing it. Which is sneaky, unpleasant, not something nice or reasonable people would do, and tends to corroborate that OP not liking them is perfectly rational, without her having to give us the full background (which is fair enough, it's a post on MN not an entire history of her life).

Apart from anything else - has SIL really planned an entire wedding in 2 months??? She's lucky DH could get 2 weeks plus of AL at comparatively short notice, let alone how expensive flights must have been. I'd be fuming too. While 'not letting them see GC ever again' might be dramatic I think 'not letting them see GC on this trip, and not in the future until they provide a full apology and accept what they did was wrong,' is fine.

So yeah, Option B - I would only say Option C if you were staying with them meaning the next few weeks would be awkward, whereas it sounds like you've got somewhere completely separate.

We heard you the first time

How's your jet lag?

How's your baby?

No i still don't agree with the statement the original poster said.

She said "many ebf babies can't transition to bottle"

I don't think that's true and I disagree with it.

I don't think the term "many" is correct. How can you know?

But if a woman tells me she couldn't get her baby to politely take a bottle, I will listen to her personal story.

However she doesn't speak for all woman and babies, and neither do I.

yeah that saying usually means a 'village' of people who know and care about the child, though (aunts/uncles/grandparents/teachers/hobby coaches/neighbours).

Not father's sister's neighbour who has never met the baby before 🙄

I wouldn’t let a stranger watch my baby in my absence . Not a stranger or a village

Child-free weddings almost never make sense to me, personally, but particularly in cases where it's your own family and they live halfway around the world and have made a long journey to be there. Not the point of the thread, but it boggles my mind.

I wouldn't waste the expense and stress of travel by turning right around and going back, but I also wouldn't be bullied into leaving my baby with a stranger, if I didn't want to. Her husband's family already dislikes OP, so there's really nothing to lose by standing her ground and refusing to attend without her baby. I'd probably refuse to go to the wedding on principle, after their sneaky behaviour.

She said "many ebf babies can't transition to bottle"

There are a lot of threads on mumsnet from mothers of EBF babies who say their babies won't take a bottle, so there is a starting point for you.

You could argue that there are as many babies who will take a bottle, but it doesn't mean that all babies do. Your experience is limited to the few babies you looked after.

BUT YOU HAVE NEVER DONE IT WITH A BABY!

So your experience where you could nap and read peacefully has absolutely no relevance to what has happened here.

And you've managed to talk about you a considerable number of times!

You’ve overreacted. Blocking people and banning them from seeing their grandchild.

i feel sorry for your husband stuck in the middle.

Just let the neighbour total stranger look after baby, takes a village.

And what could possibly go wrong?

I've reported you nannyogg for now calling me stupid twice.

Go away.

Yes you are.

No-one else has to agree with me

No probs

I know it's no problem to you. It never is to bullies. Do you enjoy being a bully then. Do you get a sense of power out of it, is that it?

I have resorted to playground insults and called you stupid and exceptionally thick, like you called me.

Where did you learn to talk to another adult like that?

It's like something teenagers would say to each other.

Thar should say

*I have never resorted to playground insults and called you stupid and exceptionally thick, like you have called me.

At my wedding we had a room at the venue with a babysitter, why don't you see if that is an option?

Sorry @RampantIvy !

@Kjones27 when you've done the journey with an 8 month old, then comment!

No one cares how you travelled alone! No one cares what people have told you about a baby transitioning to a bootie from breast, the people commenting have lived an experience. You may think you'd dump your breastfed baby on a random stranger but hopefully if you get to that stage in life, you'd realise it's not right.

You are being rather stupid to be honest!

You sound so confrontational . Your sister in law has some rather silly ideas but you have blocked his parents and her?Since they live in Australia you hardly have to deal with them every day. What was wrong with telling them you didn't feel comfortable leaving your daughter with someone you didn't know, and then getting on and entering into the holiday with excitement and good will.
You don't come out well in this . Your poor husband . What a way to spoil his visit to his family and his sisters wedding.

How did that work for you jewishbook. Were people OK with leaving their children there for a couple of hours. Was it all OK. Or any arguments?

I'd imagine that could work really well, but you never know at weddings

Wow, this thread has gone a bit bonkers.

My take:

SiL: here’s your babysitter
Me: No thanks I’m not doing that. I’ll either bring baby or sit this one out
SIL: Ok. Bring baby/sit this one out (delete as appropriate).

Life moves on …without the drama.