To want to fly home with our DD?

[HomeWard93]

Backstory:
DD is 8 months old had started solids but is still breastfed.
I have very, very little to do with DHs side of the family. I don’t get on with them, I don’t like them and vice versa so I don’t believe in spending parts of my short time on this earth with them unless it’s a big occasion/will cause fuss if I don’t. Before anyone starts saying “LTB” over my DH- it affects about 5% of our relationship, the other 95% is all good so I’m not leaving my partner over wanting to spend time with his family

SIL announced at Christmas time she was getting married. It was DDs first Christmas so PIL and SIL came over from Australia, stayed in a hotel and I only had to deal with them for a couple of hours on Xmas day.

SIL asked me to be a bridesmaid which took me massively by surprise. I thought it was her way of trying to build bridges so I accepted. Then she said babies weren’t welcome at the wedding- I then pointed out it wouldn’t be feesable as I physically couldn’t leave my child for 2 weeks (which would of been the minimum we would of gone to the other side of the world for- those who have been will understand you need the first 4/5 days to get over the jet lag) as she relied on me for nutrition and I wasn’t comfortable leaving her for a prolonged period of time. Not to mention my parents are in their 80s and couldn’t cope with a near toddler for 2 weeks.

SIL at first caused a fuss, couple of days later ran and agreed DD as her niece would be welcome. Great- or so I thought.

Me and DH arrived here yesterday, the wedding is next weekend. We went round to PIL for dinner and to meet SILs fiancée, and she introduced me to a neighbour who “would look after DD while we were at the wedding”. I was gobsmacked.

Ask what she meant and she said DD would stay with this complete stranger I had only just met for the day while I was at the wedding. I believe my precise words in reply were “you can fuck right off”.

SIL is refusing to have DD at the wedding so I have three choices- a) try and get my DD used to a bottle while we are in a strange country, surrounded by people she doesn’t know and is struggling with jet lag b) I refuse to go to the wedding and let DH go (which of course I’m fine with) but enjoy the rest of our holiday with DH or c) I book me and DD flights home on our credit card and leave DH here to holiday alone, again which I’m fine with.

Apparently I’m unreasonable if I do anything other than option A. Couldn’t give a shit what the out laws think and DH is upset too and agrees I’ve been blind sided but understand he wants to spend time with his family.

AIBU to want to go home?

But have you got children and breastfed them yourself?

Your experience is:

a) Only second hand
b) With babies who have been able to transition to using a bottle and aren't exclusively breastfed
c) With babies whose mothers have been able to express

I don't think you are qualified to say to women "just give the baby a bottle"
You are making some huge assumptions here about the baby and the mother.

Many EBF babies just won't transition to a bottle just like that. It takes time. The OP is already in Australia, she isn't ging to start with faffing around with bottles and sterilising just for one day.

I did also say that I've flown to Indonesia from ireland and I found it fine.

You're sitting in a chair for fifteen hours. With snacks and drinks on board.

It's not hard labor.

No one has said that, but you choose to ignore that all nursing babies do not accept bottles and all nursing mums cannot just express milk. For some that do it can take awhile to get enough to supplement for the time and then they would still have to express again after.

Regardless, OP doesn’t have to express milk if she doesn’t want to nor should she try to urge or hope her child takes a bottle and be comfortable with a stranger she will likely
never see again or remember, for a single event.

You're sitting in a chair for fifteen hours. With snacks and drinks on board. It's not hard labor.

I have also flown to Indonesia.
I didn't have a baby with me.

You seem to have very rigid thinking and are unable to see other points of view.

B. Stay but don't go to the wedding.

And ignore her as much as possible and have a great holiday.

You'd be mad to waste the opportunity and go home.

SIL is nuts btw.

How do you know many ebf babies won't transition to a bottle easily?

Do you have studies to back that up?

Because it has not been the case in my experience and I have been around a lot of babies.

If there are scientific studies showing that many ebf babies struggle to transition to bottle, I'll happily read them.

But you can't just say that out of nowhere.

You may do that, but not everybody regularly or even occasionally does long journeys. I'd say you are probably in the minority to regularly take a 12+ hour journey.

The furthest we have been since CV is Cornwall - from choice.

I was responding where you said

Jesus it's not that hard to fly to Australia. My friend flys home four times a year from Australia

And many people would disagree with you, it's not easy to fly to the other side of the World, especially if you are taking a baby or children - been there, done that (though not to Australia). That is a very blinkered view.

I've had my share of over bearing in laws but nothing compares to this. They must be horrible people. So manipulative, they probably thought they were soooo smart to get you travel half way around the world and corner you like that.

Your response was the right one.

YANBU

@Kjones27 you haven't answered any questions from all the posters who asked if you have had children yourself and have breastfed them.

Why is that?

Your experience of feeding other people's babies is irrelevant.

My point of view is I think that the op is wrong. And I have stuck to that point of view the whole way through.

Others also think that she is wrong.

Some others think that she is right. We are all sticking to our point of view.

People rarely change their points of view in a thread on here.

I wonder will op come back

If they're worth it

This deceitful shower aren't

I certainly had one of my own. He wouldn't take a bottle, ever. Not for want of trying, I can assure you. And so I didn't leave him until he was old enough to not rely on milk. It wasn't easy, and a lot of people refused to accept that it was true but it was!

They can be

People also manage just fine without

@RampantIvy

You're sitting in a chair for fifteen hours. With snacks and drinks on board. It's not hard labor.

You have no idea. I've done long haul with a baby, it was a bloody nightmare and you are trapped in that nightmare for hours with an audience.

Why would she?

So then you mustn't have any family abroad? Is that right. So you don't have to travel.

Many people do have family abroad.

I'm definitely not in the minority to do long travels. Most people with family abroad do long travels every couple of months, to see them.

As I said I'm in ireland.
I travel to the UK every couple of months to see family.
I have a lot of polish colleagues. They all travel to poland every couple of months to see family.
My Lithuanian colleague goes to Lithuania every couple of months for weddings/ to see new babies.
I have two American colleagues. They go to America every couple of months, usually for weddings / big events.
Etc.

Are all your family in the UK?

My baby absolutely wouldn't take a bottle

Option D, DH tells them to sod off and you, DH and baby do something else on the day. If my family treated DH like this I would stand up for him.

OK. Thanks for sharing your experience.

Erm. I think you are mixing me up with the inflammatory poster who thinks that flying long haul is a piece of cake. I have flown to Indonesia, but I didn't have any children then. There is no way I wuld have flown long haul with a small child.

Just let the neighbour look after baby, takes a village. 🤷‍♀️

Oh get a life! Op said that the SIL said she could bring her dd along to the wedding as her niece! Then arranged for some total stranger to look after her DD! It’s not an over reaction at all - the SIL is very clearly a selfish narcissistic fuck who did that on purpose to cause problems! I wouldn’t talk to her again either and she’d be fucking blocked! I blocked all my exes family for doing shit to me too! Unless you’re actually in that situation yourself then don’t judge! It’s extremely mean to drag someone with a baby to the other side of the world, costing them a fortune just to intentionally let them down when they arrive! I’m pretty sure you’d feel the same so come off it!

So you were wrong to assume all mothers/babies can do the same, yes?

My second wouldn’t take a bottle or a pacifier either. It was only by chance that we found he would take milk from a sippy cup and that was when he was over a year old.

I would go for option B, with the option to fly home if it escalates and becomes really unpleasant.