Mother in law dining manners

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

This may sound unreasonable so I'd love feedback to see if others think we're crazy...
I can't stand the smell of ketchup, barbecue sauce and particularly brown sauce. I never have. Greasy spoons and fry ups make me physically wretch. I'm not anti them, just avoid them. It's the smell.

My Mother in law has taken in the last 2 years to adding either HP sauce or barbecue sauce to every meal she has. Except now it's not just a side condiments - it drowns her dinner.

We cook a roast or Christmas Dinner and it's drowned in sauce. We cook a roast and it's drowned in sauce. We go to restaurants and she brings her sauce. The smell has put me off my food and I can't eat my meal.

I hid the sauce- she brought her own. She offends posh restaurants by drowning their food - Italian, Indian etc in sauce.

I said the smell is off putting. My husband told her it's rude. She got angry and said "well I like it".

Anyway, it's Mother's Day approaching. I invited my Mother out for dinner. However, we haven't invited Mother in Law because of her dining habits. I just find the smell so offensive and also it is rude in my opinion to chefs, to have their food covered in sauce. Do you agree? AIBU?

I was just about to write this - it could be early dementia

Munchausen's? That's basically hypochondria isn't it? A person who feigns illness to get attention? That's interesting. It puts a whole new slant on the ketchup behaviour

I'd be inwardly cringing to be at a nice restaurant with her, but I don't think there is much you can do about her dining habits. How often do you eat with her? If it's regularly and you really dislike the smell I'd just stop eating with her regularly - cut it back to once every 2 months or something.

I don't think you are unreasonable at all to distance yourself if she won't change. I have a relative who uses a lot of perfume/sprays, I have always found they usually trigger a migraine for me. It's awful, I actually like her but when I asked MIL to ask her if she'd mind just toning it down when we meet (she's on DH's side of the family) she was pretty awful to me. Accused me of being stuck up and didn't believe the problem I have or about the migraines. I've just avoided her since then.

I guess the OP doesn't notice the smell so much when people use sauces in a regular way because they don't use a whole bottle on their plates. I don't notice the smell but my friend is funny about tea for the same reason. People are different.

It's like eating with someone who burps after a meal, or uses their finger to clear their plate or talks with their mouth full. There are some things which just aren't done in front of other people let alone in a restaurant. I'd say given the further posts about this lady the sauce is the least of the OP 's worries though!

@Blondeandbeautifullol yes those sauces do smell but the one I absolutely detest is mint sauce! i just cannot stand that smell!! it puts me off cooking a leg of lamb cos i know my hubby has to have just a spoonful of mint sauce on his lamb! as for feeding her every week, why is it always your duty??? can she not cook her own food??? I would be shutting that one down right now!

I have some sympathy for this. I'm really funny about table manners . I can't bear with with people chew loudly or speak with food in their mouth or lick their fingers afterwards. It makes me almost Ill and I'm stressed all the way though the meal 'waiting' for it to happen.
I totally accept now though that it's my issue so I just avoid meal times with the offenders.

@108Anj yep, a long history of unnecessary operations and lying about ailments you coukd write a book about. It's exhausting.

I'm curious how she manages that. It seems odd that lots of Dr have agreed to carry out unnecessary operations especially given how long people who need operations can left waiting. It seems absurd that she has met multiple health professionals who have agreed to carry out multiple operations for no reason.

@Blondeandbeautifullol

A long story of unnecessary operations and lying about ailments you coukd write a book about. It's exhausting.

Can you explain why medical professionals would carry out multiple unnecessary operations on someone….please give some examples?

They stink of vinegar. I hate vinegar and this would put me off my food as well, it's such a strong and unpleasant smell.

Fair enough.

I don’t think they do but each to their own.

there’s a marks and Spencer’s ready meal that my husband buys and I swear it smells like a rotting corpse yet he can’t smell it.

Weird, but who cares?

My gran (RIP) used to fish half-chewed food out of her mouth and put it on the side of the plate if her dentures couldn't get through it, and fill her handbag with any silverware she fancied nicking. That's the sort of stuff I think of as "embarrassing table manners", though we still went out with her, she was family.

I can’t believe over half of voters, voted you are being unreasonable?! Do these people have no table manners at all!!!!

Good grief it’s the height of rudeness to cover food your host made in condiments, and bringing your own to a restaurant? I used to work at university in fine dining and there is no way any restaurant I worked in would let you pull out random home brought condiments to the table.

I would cease inviting her for dinner. It’s a lot of work to just have it drowned in HP and same for inviting her out, it’s embarrassing, you are human of course it’s embarrassing 😳

But if you're in a restaurant, you're going to smell food smells that are out of your control anyway. OP gives the example of MIL adding these sauces to an Indian curry - ever smelled an Indian restaurant? You'd struggle to smell someone lighting up in the place, let alone HP sauce.

@BlueGrey1 it's very complicated. She was born with an abnormality which involved surgery every year from birth to 12 I believe. Then surgery wasn't needed. However she'd get adhesions and claimed she couldn't have children so needed more surgery. She had children without help. She then had some cosmetic surgery. She then started paying privately for full body scans and looks for "incidental findings". They found a couple of lumps and bumps. She told everyone she had cancer. She went to several surgeons had biopsies etc all came back clear - lipomas and such the like. However she insisted on surgery to remove a few of these non cancerous things and tells everyone she had cancer. She didn't.

She also took to her bed a few years before this. She claimed to have a terminal illness. She was waited on by family for 7 years. She said she had a suppressed immune system so no one could go near her except a few trusted family members. She was too weak and ill to go anywhere. Turns out she had an overactive thyroid which was successfully treated with tablets within 18 months but she'd been lying for about her ailments. She'd been fine for 5 and a half years. She wasn't terminally ill. She claimed to have possible thyroid cancer then but didn't. They refused to remove her thyroid.

She had her knee done. The surgeons said there was nothing but a tiny bit of wear. She played it up and finally paid for surgery privately. She lay in bed for 6 months post partial knee replacement claiming her case was different and special and she's exempt from usual recovery as she's "complex".

She had a skin lesion removed she claimed from her face and said it was cancer. She doesn't have cancer.

She attends a cancer group but has never had cancer. She tells everyone she has had cancer.

Whilst her husband lay dying in hospital she was telling the Doctors about her own health. She's now claiming renal faliure but hasn't.

She then starts trying to diagnose the Grandchildren with all sorts of things. I just smile and ignore and change the subject.

She says she's allergic to all medicine and that surgery is the only option (funny the thyroid meds worked). She is very strange but given she was born with an abnormality which has since been corrected, I understand how it's happened. Very sad really.

I can't obviously explain how medical professionals will do all these surgeries as I'm not there but I imagine the persistent 2nd and 3rd opinions and lying about pain etc is a likely reason.

@Blondeandbeautifullol

First, apologies for my tardiness.
I read about your MIL’s health “issues,” but does she or did she ever smoke?
My dad was a lifelong smoker and it really affected his tastebuds. He used all manner of fancy peppers & salts & other assorted condiments (but no ketchup) - on everything.
It made my mum furious because she’d make a nice meal and Dad would bury it in all sorts of stuff.

@DreamTheMoors no, she never smoked. Although, the risk of diabetes was mentioned and it seems to have stopped!

A care home for the complex person frigging miles away is the solution imo. Your poor dh.