Mother in law dining manners

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

This may sound unreasonable so I'd love feedback to see if others think we're crazy...
I can't stand the smell of ketchup, barbecue sauce and particularly brown sauce. I never have. Greasy spoons and fry ups make me physically wretch. I'm not anti them, just avoid them. It's the smell.

My Mother in law has taken in the last 2 years to adding either HP sauce or barbecue sauce to every meal she has. Except now it's not just a side condiments - it drowns her dinner.

We cook a roast or Christmas Dinner and it's drowned in sauce. We cook a roast and it's drowned in sauce. We go to restaurants and she brings her sauce. The smell has put me off my food and I can't eat my meal.

I hid the sauce- she brought her own. She offends posh restaurants by drowning their food - Italian, Indian etc in sauce.

I said the smell is off putting. My husband told her it's rude. She got angry and said "well I like it".

Anyway, it's Mother's Day approaching. I invited my Mother out for dinner. However, we haven't invited Mother in Law because of her dining habits. I just find the smell so offensive and also it is rude in my opinion to chefs, to have their food covered in sauce. Do you agree? AIBU?

Yanbu. I couldn’t eat near her, it’d put me right off my own food.

It’s the smell that bothers her.

Yeah I wouldn't take her out either. My mum is a pain in the arse with meals out. If eating out with someone isn't enjoyable then you don't take them out for meals, simple. You don't need any other reason than "I don't like going for meals with you."

I do know what smell you mean, I'm autistic and hypersensitive though so it doesn't surprise me that many people don't think those things even have a smell.

Although I would love to see a waiters face when he serves her a carbonara and she slathers it in hp.

Or go for afternoon tea?

Yes they do. If it is something you dislike you can smell it a mile away, well 6 ft. OP I'm the same with brown sauce and grilled tomatoes.

Those saying it doesn't stink, it does.

As the thread shows, many do agree it has a smell but the level of scent that it puts one off their own meal seems to be the contentious part.

I know ketchup, barbecue sauce have a smell, but I don’t find them near as unpleasant or offensive enough that the scent alone would stop me from eating my own meal.

I find certain fabric softeners and scented cleaning sprays and liquids more offensive than these sauces tbh.

I think OP is being unreasonable for making it an issue when she doesn’t have to invite MIL in the first place when she has said that the woman isn’t particularly nice to her anyway and her husband, the woman’s son, could take her out for Mother’s Day if he wanted to. OP says MIL has other children (even if they choose not to take her out) other than her DH so why she feels she needs/should take her MIL out and ruin her day and that of her own mum’s on Mother’s Day makes no sense to me.

It is not OP’s responsibility to take MIL out on Mother’s Day or for any type of meal at all especially if she is so disgusted over MIL’s manners. It’s up to MIL to change this habit but clearly she doesn’t want to. They continue to invite her so she may not see it as bad as they say.

I suspect your MIL is doing this to wind you up more than she actually enjoys curry with HP sauce. If you're both ND, there's probably no winners on the situation, so just don't bother going for dinner with her.

If DH is really keen to eat out with her, you could go for ice-cream or afternoon tea instead. If she drowns cake in HP sauce, you never have to eat with her again.

How do you cope the rest of the time when you are in a restaurant, and someone at the next table orders strong-smelling food? Do you have to leave, or do you ask to be seated near the extractor fan?

Are you a bloodhound? How on earth can you smell them so keenly?!

I would t like this the smell of tomato sauce makes me feel sick I HATE it. Watching her put it all over her food would turn my stomach. But can you actually say something? I think I’d just avoid eating with her.

Tell dh he can take her to McDonald's.. You take your dm elsewhere..

YANBU to avoid eating with your MIL due to this, and see her between meals.

We avoid eating with PIL due to their behaviour at meals (the main one being rude to waiting staff and talking over each other but eating habits are not great either), as we cooked or paid for the meals this was pretty easy to stop.

@Isittimeformynapyet You know everyone is entitled to an opinion don’t you? Do you not know how MN works? 🙈Cringing for you too!

I'm really surprised by how many people say ketchup doesn't smell! I can only deal with the smell of it when I'm eating it. Even the remnants left on the plate need to get rinsed off. The smell of ketchup overrides the smell of almost everything else.

My dad has a similar aversion to the smell of curry. If I go out to eat with him I don't order it. It sucks but I don't see him often, so I don't mind.

I'm with you on this, it's fucking disgusting. I once went and ate my dinner in a different room because my dss put ketchup on his pasta and chicken dinner (husband was annoyed at me) and I would be repulsed by someone drowning their dinner in ketchup or hp etc. You are just going to have to avoid eating with her though as like others have said you can't stop her doing it

@Meowandthen the local restaurants. Many do offer a wide range of condiments around here.
Where do you eat then? That they do not offer sauces as condiments?

So you can smell it even if you are sitting across the table from her? Even with all the various other smells coming from other foods in the restaurant…… I find this unlikely…… you are focusing on her / the sauce too much as you sound like you don’t like her

I suspect it’s because you find her irritating in any case, that it magnifies the problem more. I would be annoyed at this drenching with sauce behaviour. But even more so if it was my parents who irritate me anyway. I would be more tolerant if I had cute young kids who did this I think. Thankfully nobody I know has such weird habits. But I think the identity of the sauce-user does play a part in the reaction here.

Just to point out, it is ‘retch’ not ‘wretch’ in this context.

How often do you have to eat with MIL - if it's only high days and holidays can't you overlook this?

@Bellyblueboy Munchausens. She has operations for things she doesn't have. She claimed to be gravely ill with a "disease" and took herself to bed for years only to not have a terminal illness. She also had an organ removed incase she had cancer which she didn't and never had. She attends a cancer survivors group for fun despite never having had cancer. She constantly talks about her health and insists we're all ill. She's very unfortunate but since her husband died it's improved a little. She probably sees a GP once a week? She is a very demanding lady but obvious she has lots of health concerns. However, this dementia thing is a concern- I wonder if this is an early sign or just her being her.

@Westfacing it was weekly since her husband died.

I react badly to strong smells. Smells that to other people are nothing.
Minced beef browning in a pan makes me heave.
I remember aged 13 staying at a friend's and her dm burnt marmalade on the hob.
I had to sit in the garden and the dm thought I was being rude.

HP sauce does smell. Horrible to me. Can't stand it.

I’m with you 100% OP.

However vitriolic some of the comments, the voting is pretty even, so many people clearly agree with you.

i detest those sauces, the smell and the texture, so it would drive me mad,
especially if I wasn’t too keen on the person doing it.

Team Husband

I’m not a chef, just an averagely competent cook who enjoys cooking for friends. If anyone drowned something I’d spent time preparing in ketchup I would be quietly offended and never cook for them again.

That behaviour in restaurants is mortifying from an adult, I’d be too embarrassed to eat out with this woman. It is rude and childish.