Mother in law dining manners

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

This may sound unreasonable so I'd love feedback to see if others think we're crazy...
I can't stand the smell of ketchup, barbecue sauce and particularly brown sauce. I never have. Greasy spoons and fry ups make me physically wretch. I'm not anti them, just avoid them. It's the smell.

My Mother in law has taken in the last 2 years to adding either HP sauce or barbecue sauce to every meal she has. Except now it's not just a side condiments - it drowns her dinner.

We cook a roast or Christmas Dinner and it's drowned in sauce. We cook a roast and it's drowned in sauce. We go to restaurants and she brings her sauce. The smell has put me off my food and I can't eat my meal.

I hid the sauce- she brought her own. She offends posh restaurants by drowning their food - Italian, Indian etc in sauce.

I said the smell is off putting. My husband told her it's rude. She got angry and said "well I like it".

Anyway, it's Mother's Day approaching. I invited my Mother out for dinner. However, we haven't invited Mother in Law because of her dining habits. I just find the smell so offensive and also it is rude in my opinion to chefs, to have their food covered in sauce. Do you agree? AIBU?

Op, honestly - get over yourself. How do you get through life if you get so worked up by the smell of ketchup? that’s a weird superpower, to be able to smell ketchup to the extent that it makes you wretch

The suggestion that a chef isn’t bothered by someone drowning their food in HP sauce if laughable. Chefs spend ages perfecting dishes and are not okay with them being ruined in that way.

The phrase “Tough titty” springs to mind. Why do some people have this pitiful reverence towards chefs? Once you’ve paid for the meal, it’s yours, not theirs. Would you buy a dress and then ask the designer’s permission to wear jewellery with it?

I think OP is the unreasonable one here for this obsequious “but the restaurant will be offended!” attitude. Why would you be more worried about offending strangers, who have provided a service on a professional basis, than your own MIL?

I wouldn't like to eat with someone who did that, especially not at an Indian/Italian restaurant. I couldn't smell the sauce and wouldn't be bothered if I did, it just sounds bizarre and a bit rude. Is she a heavy smoker by any chance? Sounds like she can hardly taste her food?

Missing the point, but I'm so surprised people can't smell these sauces. They're really strong smelling to me! Especially tomato ketchup.

Lol! The vitriol is hilarious! Anyway, to answer a couple of questions that made me think as to why. Her husband died 2 years ago and it was after this I realise. I'm refusing to put vicks up my nose lol! Also, i wasn't clear. Every meal we cook for her is just for her, i.e. we'll cook a meal ,(eg a roast lamb) but she will say she doesnt like it so insist we cook her a chicken. So we end up cooking a lamb and a chicken just for her to then smother in sauce! However, I'm decided, I'm not paying to go for an annual treat to a fine dining restaurant (my husband's treat to me) to pay for her to ruin an expensive meal with brown sauce and also put my "brittle being" off my food with the smell. Tbh, she's not very nice to me anyway. Having read the replies, I don't really care if people think I'm unreasonable now and the vitriol and abuse makes me all the more decided. I want to enjoy MY expensive annual treat without the stench that it puts us all off.

Totally tough shit.

When the chef starts paying for the meals, they can start dictating how they're eaten.

Yes but I think it's the tiny violin element of it all.

Where does it end?

If the OP takes a sudden dislike to the smell of garlic, is she going to go round banning people from eating that too?

Or is she going to get over it and accept people like different foods that she may not like the smell of?

The first line of your original post states that you would welcome feedback… clearly only the ones that agree with you

If this started after her bereavement was she allowed to use sauces when he was alive

OP - all three of those sauces contain tomatoes and vinegar- do you struggle with vinegar smells? Some people do seem to hate vinegar and are more sensitive to it.. (you might still find vinaigrettes/dressings irritate you so be careful.)

just don’t eat with her for main meals. Afternoon tea out, meet for walks, just don’t do roast dinners /full meals.

Yeah. I asked if anyone was as crazy as me in a fun way. Not for abuse.😉

I couldnt disagree more.

Someone has gone to the effort of preparing a lovely meal and she pours cheap sauce all over it?? Rude!!! Ignorant and rude.

OP YANBU

I wouldn't invite her to a posh restaurant either. What's the point? She could literally be eating anything! If you are going to invite her out for food make it a pub maybe where the sauces would be more fitting.

It's her dinner and it doesn't ruin a meal if she enjoys it more with condiments.

I think it's far more rude to try and dictate to people how they eat and enjoy their food.

I’m with you on this. The smell of ketchup makes me want to throw up. It’s incredibly strong to me. I can’t eat at the same table as someone using ketchup.

suggestion - take her out for tea and cake. Unlikely to involve horrible sauces.

It might be that she has low stomach acid or is deficient in digestive enzymes (it often happens as people age) so the vinegar in the sauce helps her digest food.

Where did anyone say you had to?

As you said, it is for Mother’s Day. Again, why would you need to invite your MIL to dinner to spend Mother’s Day with you and your mum when you don’t like her, how she eats and she’s not your mum. Again, what is your DH doing for his mum?

@FancyBiscuitsLevel ancyBiscuitsLevel - oooh vinegar smell thing and tomato I actually have intolerance to - makes my mouth peel and I burn up eating them. Maybe this is why I can't stand the smell! You genius! Plus afternoon tea is a good idea - no room for sauce on cake!

Is gravy ignorant and rude or just sauce?

Who make this shit up to control what other people put in their own mouths?

@phoenixrosehere No idea what he's doing. We usually killed 2 birds with one stone inviting both Mum's. However, she has 3 other children to invite her out - they haven't once in 20 years so perhaps they can this year.

What's rude is insisting that someone consume a meal that's subpar for their tastes when their enjoyment could so easily be increased by them adding something to their own portion of the meal. If the cook prefers something less salty and less peppery than someone eating it, it makes sense for the cook to cook to their own milder preferences and for the second person to add more to their own plate. The second person can enjoy their meal more and the meal of the cook is unaffected.

@SouthLondonMum22 Yes I agree. It's rude she dictates how I enjoy MY food by putting me off with the smell.

Is gravy ignorant and rude

Probably not cos you can make it posh and call it jus. If you use bisto granules I guess it would be rude in the world of MN

@TraitorsGate interesting thought, however, no, she always had an inoffensive little bit of sauce but not literally a plate full. I mean now, you cannot see the food. It's just mountain of sauce, you cannot see what's underneath.

I enjoy ketchup, but after I finish eating, if I'm sitting near a plate with ketchup on it, the smell does start to bother me. I don't know what it is about ketchup, but it does have a vinegary smell that is unpleasant when I'm not hungry or actively eating it. ...So some of us do have sensitive noses that object to certain smells.

I'd either stop eating with her as much as possible or arrange to sit as far away from her as you can. Wear or carry something scented with a fresh, clean-smelling perfume or essential oil and use that to cover other smells. Even simply a good spritz on the wrists might help.