Mother in law dining manners

[Blondeandbeautifullol]

This may sound unreasonable so I'd love feedback to see if others think we're crazy...
I can't stand the smell of ketchup, barbecue sauce and particularly brown sauce. I never have. Greasy spoons and fry ups make me physically wretch. I'm not anti them, just avoid them. It's the smell.

My Mother in law has taken in the last 2 years to adding either HP sauce or barbecue sauce to every meal she has. Except now it's not just a side condiments - it drowns her dinner.

We cook a roast or Christmas Dinner and it's drowned in sauce. We cook a roast and it's drowned in sauce. We go to restaurants and she brings her sauce. The smell has put me off my food and I can't eat my meal.

I hid the sauce- she brought her own. She offends posh restaurants by drowning their food - Italian, Indian etc in sauce.

I said the smell is off putting. My husband told her it's rude. She got angry and said "well I like it".

Anyway, it's Mother's Day approaching. I invited my Mother out for dinner. However, we haven't invited Mother in Law because of her dining habits. I just find the smell so offensive and also it is rude in my opinion to chefs, to have their food covered in sauce. Do you agree? AIBU?

Aha- you being allergic to tomatoes and have an aversion to the smell sounds right! ( I assume you never go for Italian food? Id wondered if that has the same effect on you smell wise? )

afternoon tea is the way forward, often costs less than a lunch in a mid price location yet feels fancy.

I'd just stick to the kind of cuisines where they are normally used or pubs where no one would bat an eyelid. In your home why does it matter?

YANBU but clearly posh restaurants are wasted on her. Get your husband to take her to a nice chippy.

I wouldn't waste money then, it seems a bit of a waste but let dh take her out on his own and i wouldnt cook 2 different roasts, you could ask her in advance what she would prefer if she does come to yours..

Guys: it's seriously weird for someone to drown every meal in brown sauce. Yes, most of us enjoy conform time to time with certain dishes, and obviously she has the right to eat and behave how she likes. But... this sounds extreme and off-putting. I'm with you OP. She's probably addicted to the stuff, it contains a helluva lot of sugar, salt and god knows what else. No advice really, but YANBU

Sure I personally think its weird but why the need to be so controlling? She is not making you eat it like that is she?

Just leave her to it why does it matter?

@Marblessolveeverything yes I am neurodiverse with sensory issues.

That is not an excuse, No one is making you eat it

@WandaWonder of course it's not an excuse but they asked what was wrong with me and if I had sensory issues. I do. That's not offering an excuse- an answer to a direct question.

Ha - my Father in laws drowns everything in ketchup. He keeps red wine in the fridge too. Maybe they could get together! These are the kinds of things I inwardly cringe about but I wouldn't dream of not inviting him places. Is it really such a big deal? She can do what she wants with her own food.

I wonder why these smells cause you so much anger? Perhaps a childhood experience? It is odd. Have you spoken to a therapist about this - can your remember the first time you smelt these smells and felt such a. Strong emotional reaction? I suspect there is a lot more going on here than a dislike of very common sauces.

my fiends son drowns everything in ketchup - that’s just what he likes. He is autistic and I can’t imagine ever being embarrassed by it. We have dined in lots of places including Michelin restaurants and they have been very gracious and accommodating. Never a raised eyebrow or implied Criticism. Because that is good manners. This lady isn’t smothering other people’s food in this sauce- she is merely eating her food how she likes. I don’t see what is embarrassing about that - unless you lack the confidence to be in more than expensive places? The eating staff probably don’t give a shot - they just want to get paid and a decent tip. They probably stop at macdonalds on the way home!

If I have spent hours making a nice meal and someone comes along and wants to smother it in crap, yes I WILL control it in my own home or if I am at an expensive restaurant and I a paying.

If people dont like that -fine. Crack on to your own house and eat what the hell you want or pay for your own damn meal

And we aren't talking about gravy, so it is a moot point 🙄

@Bellyblueboy that's interesting you said about confidence in a place like that. I have several high end chefs in the family who would have been upset in the past about people asking for sauces. I was always taught it was bad manners in a high end restaurant and an insult to the chef as a result. So perhaps that's why? I also recall a trip to Italy aged 6 and my sibling asking for sauce and the waiter laughed and got upset. However, as someone actually made me realise earlier, I have an intolerance to tomato and vinegar so perhaps that's why the smell offends me?

So true! 🤣🤣

If I have spent hours making a nice meal and someone comes along and wants to smother it in crap, yes I WILL control it in my own home or if I am at an expensive restaurant and I a paying.

OMG did I read that right?

You literally dictate what people can and can't eat if you're paying for it or cooking it?

Jesus.

Oh come on, Brown sauce stinks, especially if it’s all over a meal.
DH adores blue / stinky cheese but the smell of it on hot food or as a sauce makes me retch so he won’t have it out of thought for me, it would genuinely ruin my meal.

Some years ago I went to an expensive B&B in Giggleswick that had an absolute tosser of an owner. My lovely aunt had contributed to the cost with a voucher she had got from the Daily Mail. At breakfast time I asked for some ketchup to go with my breakfast and tosser wanker owner said "Oh, you Daily Mail readers always ask for ketchup".
I hate him to this day.
This post is giving me similar vibes. Poor mother in law.
(And most table sauces don't even smell.)

Not what I said. You're the one who talks about refusing to socialise. Hint: there's other venues available that don't involve fine dining.

I know.

I just can't imagine caring what or how much condiments someone uses, even if I'm paying for it. It's their dinner to enjoy how they please.

It really gets up my pipe when people claim any dissent is “abuse”.

I would imagine someone had serious food issues if they tried to control what was on my plate, so I really wouldn't dine with them anyway for fear of triggering them further.

Omg OP , I binned off a friend for exactly this reason , everything and I mean everything was drowned in ketchup, roast dinner, chicken curry , shepherds pie . Made me feel physically ill so I had no choice . She wasn't a great friend so easy decision .

I'm staggered by the idea that someone with such an extreme and unusual reaction to these condiments ends up DiL to someone with such an extreme and unusual appetite for them. You avoiding cafes that serve it, and she taking a bottle to resturants? You both must be one in a million, yet you've found each other! What are the odds? If it were me I'd be thinking this was too great a coincidence and maybe MiL is doing it to get at you.

She’s entitled to eat her food as she wishes. You are not obliged to tolerate the smell around you. Of course, you can’t control her but you can remove yourself from being around her at meal times. Perhaps you can take her out for tea or coffee and cake.

It's entirely up to her to choose what to eat.

It's entirely reasonable for you to limit your contact with her to activities that don't include eating.