You're not the only mum who works full time...

[doyoulikeflowers]

Said my lovely, supportive husband today.

When I approached him about the fact that I feel like he makes me feel like I don't do enough housework / good enough housework.

I said in his tone, when he complains about the state of the house- I sense that he feels I'm the one who's falling short.

He didn't agree or disagree but told me I was once again nagging. I wasn't. I was just saying that I find it hard to keep up with everything.

I've barely slept an entire night for probably 3 - 4 weeks. My children have been unwell on and off for that time.

I've not been able to send them to nursery much either. This week, they were at home with me for 3 days whilst I tried to juggle work. Last week they were at home for 4 days. And on it goes.

My work is suffering hugely. I can't meet deadlines and I'm constantly under pressure.

Thankfully I work from home, but I'm not able to keep up.

I go to bed at 8 pm every night, as it's all so exhausting.

My H works in a demanding high pressure role and has no time off, no working from home time either. He leaves at 5:30 and comes back at 8:30 every day. He can't do much more to help around the house, because he's just not here.

However, I expect him to understand and not continuously complain about laundry not being done or not being able to find his clothes etc. or the general mess that children bring.

I loathe the weekends as we always end up having discussions and it's really getting me down. Unless I'm constantly clearing up and basically just shut up about it, he's not happy.

He's really upset me today by saying what he said. He always upsets me and then he says it's not a big deal and he didn't mean it. I feel like I spend a lot of time thinking of ways to make his life easier, but it doesn't work the other way. I think he thinks I'm just a bit rubbish.

Our kids are under 5. They go to nursery full time and I work full time from home. My job is pretty intense. It's all a lot. I'm a shell of former self.

It's really not that bad at all tbh. We have a new house, so super easy to keep clean.

Just kids toys at the weekend on the floor. And occasionally when the kids are sick, I find it hard to put laundry away, so it might be in baskets, but clean. H drawers and cupboards are a mess.
He really struggles to keep them tidy and no matter how many times I tidy it all up, it ends up a mess again.

Sometimes the fridge needs to be cleared out.

I think I get quite overwhelmed by mess. I need a tidy environment, so does he. If you came to my house you would not think it was dirty or messy, I don't think.

Hilarious. How can you compare your job to the OP's, which sounds pretty demanding and would be impossible to do while looking after 3 under 5s. Are you deluded?

OP, ignore her, she's absolutely ridiculous and trying to make you feel worse when you're already overwhelmed (which is understandable)

This is why 1000s of bakers within the community feel like their work, time, effort is underappreciated. Not saying OPs work isn't demanding - it seems it but undermining how difficult and demanding being a baker is, is plain outright disrespectful. You wouldn't get it, because you're not a baker but if you spoke to many bakers, they would say the same as me. We get the job is underappreciated and seen as 'easy' but trust me it's not. We are overworked, underpaid. I get paid for a grand total of 3 hours of my time because if I did charge more, I wouldn't get custom at all. The disrespect is real.

I hate seeing posts like this - makes me so angry on your behalf. The cheeky bastard!!

So general mess then? That's not dirty. That's kids being kids.

I really think you need to see this situation as it is, he knows you're tired and overworked and he knows you have low self-esteem, it seems that he cares very little for you.

I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship, but he definitely seems like he wants a 'homebody' wife, one that doesn't work and just looks after the kids and cleans, he doesn't respect how hard you work or the things you do because he thinks its a 'womans job'. He and his opinion won't change, I would consider leaving him. I really would. Why live your life unhappy?

No - I'm not. You got my comment twisted and took it out of context.

This thread isn't about you

The OP works a different job, has different children, a different partner

Crashing a thread of a woman being abused first to tell her she should be doing better and then to whine about being disrespected in your job when people point out its a completely different situation is so incredibly self centred

Look, if it really was that hard you wouldn't be doing it while looking after 3 kids 🤣 what have your previous jobs been that you think this is difficult in comparison?

Then stop obsessing about my job and how I manage day-to-day tasks or I wouldn't have spoke about it? You made comments on my job, how I handle my kids and how I manage it all, so I responded. If you didn't want to hear about it, don't ask me about it and don't talk to me about it. Pretty simple.

He is unreal OP, but I'm glad to see from your more recent posts you're not falling for his gaslighting selfish bullshit anymore.

It is hard but I love doing it. I don't want to work in a job I don't enjoy unless I really have to and right now, I don't have to.

Your husband sounds EVIL. I would be secretly getting things in order and planning an escape. You deserve so so so much better.

With regards to cleaning, it really doesn't sound like you have the time to do it, so maybe speak with your husband and be honest, get help in, get a cleaner in to do the weekly stuff, like bed changes, bathroom, hoover and mop, give the kitchen a good clean, dust etc. it would prob only be a few hours a week but would free you up to be less stressed during the week and allow for family time at the weekend rather than catching up on chores. Something has got to give from what you have written about your daily routines.

Their home isnt even messy! It's just toys apparently. Her partner is just being a prick because he wants to be

You literally said ‘a good chunk of my day is spent staring at an oven’. Really doesn’t sound particularly demanding.

Great, you have that time available to look after your kids. That’s also why you get paid for 3 hours per day and don’t need to pay for childcare.

Yes, and he’s even said it wouldn’t bother him if he got more sex.

That staring at an oven is still work, not the demanding part but the only chance I get to eat and wee. How dare I eat and wee. Anyway, stop making this about me and my work. Thankyou.

I'd personally buy him an inflatable doll for his birthday😂 Fuck that 'man'.

@Imisssleep2 have you read the thread or even just OP's posts?

You said that in response to being asked how you look after your children while working, so it’s just confusing.

I think with young kids and working FT you have to lower your standards a little especially your DH. If there are toys on the floor at the weekend, how about he picks them up or makes a game of it with DC rather than moaning about it to you. It wouldn't hurt if he picked up a laundry basket and put clothes away or at the very least sorts his own stuff out.

Ok but why are we still discussing my work and life when this thread isn't about me? Respectfully, please leave my life and job alone when this isn't about me.

Yes, you’re right

She already has a cleaner!