To have bathed my niece?

[Glass113]

I babysit my toddler niece regularly as I don't work Fridays and have a daughter around the same age so they play together and generally have a nice time. Niece has never stayed over as SIL doesn't like being away from her overnight.

Yesterday I had my niece and SIL was working later than normal so picked her up about 6:30.

We baked and decorated cakes in the afternoon and naturally both kids had flour, icing and whatever else all over them and in their hair etc so I put them both in the bath and washed their hair. I popped my niece in a pair of my daughters pj's.

When dear SIL arrived I explained they'd got a bit messy so I'd bathed and changed her. She didn't say much and left quite quickly.

I've had a text this morning saying she doesn't want me to babysit again for a while as I've crossed a boundary bathing her child and she would never dream of bathing a child that wasn't hers.

I am mortified and devastated to be honest. Did I really do such a terrible thing?

I wouldnt babysit again, because this obviously suggests that she doesn't trust you. She presumably is happy with you changing nappies though..

My SIL showered my child down after a poo explosion and I was most grateful!

Yeah she’s being totally batshit and I wouldn’t babysit for her again. I spent a lot of time with Asian in-laws (Pakistani) and we all helped look after the children whether they were relatives or not, for example my SIL’s son (so my nephew by marriage at the time) no-one would have batted an eyelid if I bathed him, changed him or took him out somewhere and vice versa.

SIL clearly has issues.
I personally would have given you a hug if you’d helped me like that.

Is a shame as the loser in this will be your niece and her friendship with your daughter.

Hopefully H is find out from his brother why your SIL has lost the plot x x

This!

This would be my stance too

I’ve not read the full thread but wasn’t there a thread in the last week or two with this exact story but from the mother’s pov?

I think that's ridiculous. She shouldn't be leaving a kid of that age alone with anyone she doesn't want to bathe them, because there are all sorts of reasons why a babysitter would need to - poo, wee, mud, food

She’s crazy! I have my niece I also sometimes have her for the day and overnight and would never ever think it was weird to give her a quick bath.

fair enough if it was a child I wasn’t related to on a play date then of course not but I’d absolutely bath my own niece!

Of course you did nothing wrong!

SIL needs a lesson in gratitude. Perhaps she’ll learn when she loses her perfectly lovely and free childminder.

Can you imaging when she is older, her trying to explain to her daughter why you all aren’t very close and why she isn’t allowed round aunt and uncles house much? “Oh, aunt used to babysit every week when you were 2 but then she gave you a bath after you got messy so we had to stop allowing you to visit.”

She is batshit.

It's her dd and if she is genuinely uncomfortable with extended family bathing her dd then I guess it's fair enough. But she just needed to say "sorry but next time would you mind just wiping her down and I'll do her bath at home"

It's the I won't be asking you to babysit that would piss me off. So her "punishment " for you bathing her dd is that you don't get to do her favours "for a while"

I wouldn't be helping her out ever again ,

This is bonkers….youre changing her nappy and feeding her etc

kids do explosive nappies occasionally at that age- you need to strip off in bath, and give them a good hose down frankly . I’m not about to let a dirty child sit on my chairs, floor etc

kids have the odd puke - yep ring parent and say they’re sick or choked or whatever, but agian, I’m not going to have a child sitting in puke covered clothes and stinky body while waiting on parent

dont think child would be happy either

Wait a few days for her to reflect and calm down…. Then id be writing to SIL (don’t call and speak as it could lead to a bun fight) to say that you understand that her findng out after the fact was maybe an error on your part that you’re sorry for, and that she (SIL) had possibly not anticipated this coming up as you’d both not discussed or agreed a way forward nbthese circumstances. So you’ll agree to text her if bath needed
BUT then go on to cite the examples above and has she really thought through the consequences of bath ban on such a young child given nappy changing is ok? It simply doesn’t make any logical sense and is making a situation worse for you (messy house caused by mess covered child), a not so happy child (especially if poo or vomit), and a worse situation for her to be met with at collection . Is she adamant that given that, now she’s had chance to process, that this is what she is really wants?

if she replies to say you’re not to do it and she still pissed, then say , under those circumstances I’m not willing any more to baby sit/child mind, even in future, as that restriction in above circumstances is not in mine, my home or the child’s best interest.

or alternatively, just say you’ll not do it again anyway. No one can deal with people when you start getting punished for unwritten rules, you knew nothing about. She either agreed up front with you, re bath or didn’t, and if she didn’t she’s a loose canon to get all shirty now…god knows what other “rules” you’ll break in future you don’t know about, better to stay clear.

She's an ungrateful cow

Going to say as a working mum who often has grandparents help with childcare, I can imagine myself having a negative reaction to this, though I'd keep it to myself.

Not because you've done anything wrong, but because I see bathtime as a precious jewel I get with my daughter, it's the longest I see her all day and she lives the bath so to me it's vital bonding.
Whilst logically, I appreciate why somebody may choose to bathe her before I collect, as you did - I can fully imagine feeling many mixed emotions about it. Largely under the category of mum guilt and disappointment etc.

You did nothing wrong, and logically she seems unreasonable, but perhaps it's not a logical reaction.

I bet you "allowed" your mil to babysit for you though?

I see bathtime as a precious jewel I get with my daughter, it's the longest I see her all day and she lives the bath so to me it's vital bonding.
I've read it all now, it's a bloody bath, sometimes they're a necessity, not taking anything away from the mum.
🙄🙄

@botleybump but then you'd say "unless it's really necessary to bath her, like a nappy explosion or something, could you just give her a hand and face wipe? I love bathing her after being away all day"

Not "you crossed a boundary"

But it wasn’t a bed tile bath. It was just getting cleaned up with her cousin. Like being plonked in a paddling pool.
You would still go home, so your normal evening routine with her and give her a bath if you wanted to. Mine would have still needed the calming solo bath to settle off to sleep as a bath playing with their cousin wouldn’t have been their “sleepy bath.” So I wouldn’t have missed out on that time. Why would you?

Absolutely!

I see bathtime as a precious jewel I get with my daughter, it's the longest I see her all day and she lives the bath so to me it's vital bonding.

Precious jewel 😂that's hilarious.

Its weird. I bath my nephew of the same age, he loves it. Thats what aunties do in my world.
I assume that the issue has nothing to do with nudity though. It think it possibly comes from her motherhood insecurities. Perhaps she thinks she is a bad mother because she works so much /or more than you/ . In a perhaps martyrdom way she considers it her motherly duty to bath her child and feels she is failing as a mother because you took it away from her. Or perhaps she sees it her privilege.

I think your answer was good, interested to see how it evolves, if you 'll want to share.

There was a thread about this recently from the opposite point of view?

I’d love it if someone would bath my toddler before I pick him up after a late finish at work!

Honestly, i wouldn’t be offering to babysit for her again, you don’t want her to start throwing any accusations around and she sounds batshit enough to do something like that!

I would be absolutely LIVID at the implication.

And that would be the end of the free childcare.

Ungrateful cow.

She's nuts, presumably you're changing her nappy as well like any nursery worker/childminder would?
Changing clothes is normal and giving her a bath was very kind of you..even playschool when they changed my ds after an accident had to put spare clothes on him.
I think she's shot herself in the foot here and now she's down free childcare on the Friday, to be honest if she's this fussy I wouldn't want to look after her daughter again.