To have bathed my niece?

[Glass113]

I babysit my toddler niece regularly as I don't work Fridays and have a daughter around the same age so they play together and generally have a nice time. Niece has never stayed over as SIL doesn't like being away from her overnight.

Yesterday I had my niece and SIL was working later than normal so picked her up about 6:30.

We baked and decorated cakes in the afternoon and naturally both kids had flour, icing and whatever else all over them and in their hair etc so I put them both in the bath and washed their hair. I popped my niece in a pair of my daughters pj's.

When dear SIL arrived I explained they'd got a bit messy so I'd bathed and changed her. She didn't say much and left quite quickly.

I've had a text this morning saying she doesn't want me to babysit again for a while as I've crossed a boundary bathing her child and she would never dream of bathing a child that wasn't hers.

I am mortified and devastated to be honest. Did I really do such a terrible thing?

To be fair baking and icing cakes with 2 excitable 2 year olds does not just result in a bit of flour that can be wiped off 😂

Yes I agree that I don't want a falling out but I'm not sure the trust is there for a regular baby sitting arrangement.

My gut feeling is its absolutely fine to have your own rules and boundaries with your kids but barring safety issues if you have family babysitting they really do need to be able to use their own judgement. Otherwise I think paying a professional is the best option.

To be clear if I'd have known about the bath thing I wouldn't have done it and if she'd told me she'd rather me not bath her in the future then again that's fine. However I think the reaction has made me regularly babysitting a no no.

Absolutely understand why you feel like that. It probably is fornthe best you dont babysit like this until they are older. Its an absolute shame as its the children who miss out.

I wouldnt never have an issue like your SIL did with my SILs, and if there was a genuine reason I would have handled it a lot better than she did and offered an explination.

Good luck Im sure it will all work out in the end.

Did you miss the bit about OP using not allowed to babysit for a while..

Until presumably SIL feels she's served her punishment and can be trusted.

Sorry, but if she can't be trusted by SIL just saying don't bath my child, but can be trusted after she's received her "punishment" it makes no sense.

Maybe, SIL has got reasons? But she needs to deal with them and stop upsetting and insulting others.

No way should OP allow herself to be treated this way, s firm no to babysitting in the future.

she probably has her reasons and as the mother she is quite rightly entiled to

if she wants to control everything in this way she needs to either look after her kids herself or pay someone to do it (and negotiate terms).

I’d be upset about being made to feel like some sort of predator. I agree, no more babysitting.

I did not miss anything out, my post wasnt that specific. My opinion is still the same, its clear that the babysitting probably should stop due to OP now loosingbher trust but for the sake of keeping the peace Id try to be understanding and talk to my SIL. Id say I was sorry to see her upset, not for the fact she bathed her. It may start the conversation going and SIL may open up in some way as to why she was so upset.

I would & have bathed either of my nieces without a second thought. It’s unreasonable your SIL trusts you to care for her child but not to wash her.

You are 100% correct, but the SIL is still entitled to feel that way and should have communicated that in a better way to OP.

There is no need to nit pik at little things, OP needs reassuring she hasnt done anything wrong which she hasnt.

Reading your updates OP, I think she is even more crazy given her reasons!! She doesn't want your filthy infectious vermin child to share her baby's bath water!! But she is fine with you feeding her child and using your germy home. It doesn't even make sense. I am even more indignant on your behalf now. It's extremely insulting to you

How pathetic she is.

The problem isn’t how the SIL feels. The problem is the SIL’s behaviour.

No one is entitled to act like an arsehole because they’re a mother.

I remember when I was working as a nanny, mum came home early & I was washing one of the boy's hair.

He had got sand in it & it was annoying him.

She seemed a bit put out, although was fine when I explained why.

I think sometimes when you are faced with something unexpected it can throw you a bit.

There are ways of dealing with it though.

And if the other parent would have been Ok with it...

I think it's fine that you have decided not to do regular childcare Op.

You are 100% correct, but the SIL is still entitled to feel that way and should have communicated that in a better way to OP.

The SIL is entitled, full stop. OP has been doing her a massive, ongoing favour and she clearly thinks that it's some gift she has been bestowing on her instead. If she's that uptight then getting free childcare is off the cards for her in future.

I would ask her what it is she’s accusing you of, what boundaries she thinks you have overstepped, considering you regularly do personal care for her child, nappy changes, feeding her and generally keeping her safe.

I really wish you would, next time you have to leave the house, pour a cup of flour over yourself from the head down, then just dab it off with a cloth before heading out. Good luck. That’s what two grabby toddlers can do easily, plus liquids and butter.

Yes you are right but its not OPs responsibility to try and correct that and Im sure if SIL is a prat then all of OPs efforts will fall of deaf ears. Id just do whats best for the sake of their relationship gaining an understanding of the SILs actions and keeping the peace.

Id just do whats best for the sake of their relationship gaining an understanding of the SILs actions and keeping the peace.

I hate this tendency in society to expect the rational, easygoing person to always back down and apologise to keep the peace. It's not fair.
The SIL owes the apology.

Absolutely!

Maybe, but we dont know why the SIL did what she did and probably bever will do and neither does OP.

Careless of wether is is an entitiled T**T its still her child.

If we were all to find out that actually her reactions stems from a history of abuse under simular circumstances then surley a little empathy as to why she may have reacted like this wouldnt go a miss.

Yes I agree but this is her SIL not a random person or friend. This is presumably somone she has known and been friends with for many years and is a lived member of the family, SIL and BIL clearly had a lot of trust in OP to look after their child. There must be a reason for her reactions. If it does turn out that there wasnt and she was just being argumentative then she has shot herself in the foot.

@Hairspray123 OP knows she's done nothing wrong, she knows the SIL is a twat! It's for SIL to recognise that she's upset OP, not the other way round.

The fact she doesn't want you to bath dn is fine but her reaction was rude. I'd expect an apology from her tbh! I'd be fine with her and open to talk further if she wanted to but I wouldn't apologise nor would I babysit going forward.

She trusts you to change her clothes if dirty, change her nappy, wipe her bum. What's the difference? Not like u were in the bath with the two of them! She should have been grateful she wasn't picking up a child covered in dried mess and had to do it herself at home

How dare your MIL ask you to apologize. Your SIL was completely out of order. I would truly avoid babysitting for them because she’s clearly odd and she will do something like this again. Furthermore you were doing her a huge favour. This has gone completely unrecognized!