To have bathed my niece?

[Glass113]

I babysit my toddler niece regularly as I don't work Fridays and have a daughter around the same age so they play together and generally have a nice time. Niece has never stayed over as SIL doesn't like being away from her overnight.

Yesterday I had my niece and SIL was working later than normal so picked her up about 6:30.

We baked and decorated cakes in the afternoon and naturally both kids had flour, icing and whatever else all over them and in their hair etc so I put them both in the bath and washed their hair. I popped my niece in a pair of my daughters pj's.

When dear SIL arrived I explained they'd got a bit messy so I'd bathed and changed her. She didn't say much and left quite quickly.

I've had a text this morning saying she doesn't want me to babysit again for a while as I've crossed a boundary bathing her child and she would never dream of bathing a child that wasn't hers.

I am mortified and devastated to be honest. Did I really do such a terrible thing?

Bloody cheek. Why should you apologise.

I'd be ringing MIL to ask what you are supposed to be apologising for. If she says for bathing the child I would say, you want me to apologise for bathing x after she got messy baking? Then say nothing else. If she says yes, ask why? Make them say what the issue is.

This all must have got back to MIL who rang me earlier and asked me to just apologise to avoid any tension in the family.

Please please do not apologise. Apologies should only ever be a sincere expression of regret for doing something wrong. Fake apologies to keep the peace are bullshit.
She however should be apologising to you.

Madness from your SIL

you have inadvertently upset her.

Don't apologise just agree to her boundary of not babysitting again "for awhile" then be busy suddenly book swimming lessons for Friday or baby gym be busy with your life and have no time for hers

So what is your sister implying? That she thinks there's a risk of harm to her daughter? If that's the case why has she allowed you to look after her?

Shes bat shit

So were you meant to have a sticky, messy toddler for the rest of the day, making your furniture and everything else sticky? You have nothing to apologise for.

Did BIL not give any indication as to what it was that actually upset her about it?

Yes she is!

DON'T apologise! Tell your MIL to tell your SIL that 'she should apologise to avoid any tension in the family'. If you're changing the nappies of said child, then you are dealing with any intimate care requirements, so how is getting two kids in the bath crossing any boundaries?!

MIL who rang me earlier and asked me to just apologise to avoid any tension in the family.

Why should there be any tension?

A childcare arrangement has come to an end.

No more needs to be said.

Who has been griping to MIL?

Certainly not Op I shouldn't think?

Is she going to get roped into childcare now?

I don't think you should apologise for bathing your baby niece. Apologising would be admitting you did something wrong and you absolutely didn't! What you did was loving and caring, nothing to be sorry about.

The absolute cheek of MIL asking you to apologise. These people are getting free childcare and their child is exceptionally well cared for. She should be giving you flowers/ wine etc.

Just basically that she doesn't want anybody else bathing her child and also doesn't want her child sharing a bath with another child. Apparently BIL said he couldn't see a problem with it.

To be honest that's fine and if she told me that going forward she'd rather I didn't put DN in the bath then yes OK. It's what she's said and how she's said it that's upset me.

Do not babysit for her again.

Yeah MIL is lovely but definitely a keep the peace type person.

Don't apologise, don't bring the subject any more, forget and next your SIL can look someone else to babysit.
She is now making it your problem/ actitude when is clearly her problem/attitude. Checky cow!

Very odd from your sil.
I wouldn't apologise, you've done nothing wrong.

Erm, why exactly do you need to apologise. Don't. Sil is the one who needs to say sorry for over reacting, all your sil had to do was say please don't worry about bathing her again. My inlaws did something similar to me. I have a foreign name that sounds very similar to an English name. For years even before I knew my husband I would pronounce my name the English way because many ppl cant pronounce my actual name. Fast forward many years later as a married women my sil has a baby (hubby's brothers wife) and she names the baby said English name and a few months later report to my inlaws they (sil and bil) don't want me to ever say I'm said English name as I am impersonating their child . mil and fil actually made a special trip to my house to let me know what a c@#t I am, how much I've upset everyone and that i should apologise. Needless to say I did not.

The only person who should be apologising is never going to. it is your SIL’s behaviour and her behaviour alone that has caused any “tensions in the family” . For any other adult to try and guilt trip you into being the fall guy for your SIL is appalling and highly dysfunctional.

Just basically that she doesn't want anybody else bathing her child and also doesn't want her child sharing a bath with another child.

Which is something that she could have said when this childcaring started if she felt so strongly about it!

This

OP, I wouldn’t give this headspace at all, you have done nothing wrong and please do not apologise.

You’ve nothing to apologise for - unlike your SIL.

Do not apologise. Keeping the peace - aka being doormat. Wtf should you apologise? Get your DH to tell his mother that sil was rude to you and, in fact, she needs to apologise to you. If you restart sitting now, then she’ll be an uppity so-so laying down the law.