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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have bathed my niece?

991 replies

Glass113 · 02/03/2024 13:40

I babysit my toddler niece regularly as I don't work Fridays and have a daughter around the same age so they play together and generally have a nice time. Niece has never stayed over as SIL doesn't like being away from her overnight.

Yesterday I had my niece and SIL was working later than normal so picked her up about 6:30.

We baked and decorated cakes in the afternoon and naturally both kids had flour, icing and whatever else all over them and in their hair etc so I put them both in the bath and washed their hair. I popped my niece in a pair of my daughters pj's.

When dear SIL arrived I explained they'd got a bit messy so I'd bathed and changed her. She didn't say much and left quite quickly.

I've had a text this morning saying she doesn't want me to babysit again for a while as I've crossed a boundary bathing her child and she would never dream of bathing a child that wasn't hers.

I am mortified and devastated to be honest. Did I really do such a terrible thing?

OP posts:
PaperwhiteTheGhost · 03/03/2024 20:07

Ha. My sister would be more like to be annoyed if she got back at that time and I HADN'T bathed my niece!

TonTonMacoute · 03/03/2024 20:09

Crumpleton · 02/03/2024 17:32

Whats the "for a while" about?
Strange.

Your SIL probably didn’t think ahead that she'd have to now find another person to see to her DC.

I'd let your DH know before he meets his DB that you're not changing your mind, so you'd appreciate him not agreeing if DB says you can now look after DN again and no matter the outcome of the discussion between your DH and his DB let your SIL find someone else to look after her DC.

This.

Who is doing who a favour here? That would be it as far as I'm concerned, she can find another babysitter in future.

ilovesushi · 03/03/2024 20:11

It was completely normal to bathe her considering you were also giving your own child a bath.

Helen1625 · 03/03/2024 20:11

I don't think you've done anything wrong at all and her reaction is nothing short of ungrateful and rude. Given that she was so late picking the child up, I'd have thought she'd be grateful that you'd got the child clean and ready for bed and saved her a job. What were you supposed to do? Have the child leave a sticky mess all over your house for the rest of the day? Or hand the child over dirty, in which case she may well have turned around and made a comment about getting the child into such a state and leaving it for her to deal with. What were you supposed to do with her little one whilst yours was in the bath? Honestly, she has dealt with this appallingly, there are so many other ways in which she could have handled this without being such an arse!

Please let us know how your husband's meet up with his brother went.

oakleaffy · 03/03/2024 20:12

Maray1967 · 02/03/2024 13:46

I’m a sensible person, OP, and if either of my SILs had looked after my child together with her own and they’d done messy play or baking etc and she bathed my child I’d be delighted that she’d saved me a job. In fact DH’s SIL and I used to share bathing the 3 DC as they’re all close in age. When they were little and we were all at the PIL they went in the bath together and had a great time and we’d take it in turns to supervise.

Obviously your SIL doesn’t view you in the same light. If she’s your DB’s wife I’d have a word with him. If she’s your DH’s DB’s wife it should be your DH who speaks to his brother.

My DS and friend’s son( close in age by a few weeks) got put into the bath together as toddlers- if your SIL is happy for you to change a nappy then surely a shared bath (probably with bubbles) is no different?

Thisworldsnofun · 03/03/2024 20:14

My sil put my son in the bath with her when he was that age. (Never did it again as he decided to poo in it!) I didn't see an issue and neither did anyone else in the family. I'd say she definitely has trust issues but I don't think you did anything wrong.

PeggySooo · 03/03/2024 20:15

I wouldn't have done it, not because I think there's anything wrong with it, but because I just would have anticipated this kind of reaction as some people are weird.
The fact you change her nappy makes the reaction even weirder from SIL though.
I'd not be helping her out again she could get fucked. The undertones of what she's trying to suggest would make it difficult for me to speak to her again tbh.

Andnowshesatoddler · 03/03/2024 20:26

Music to my ears when my MIL or SIL baths her, puts her a clean nappy on and gives her food when I go pick her up or saves tasks for me and dependent on time of day if she drops off in the car she's straight to bed.
Your SIL is odd, sorry you married into that sh itshow.

savethatkitty · 03/03/2024 20:32

I'd never be baby sitting for her ever again. Ungrateful & unreasonable.

Epidote · 03/03/2024 20:34

You have done nothing wrong. Next time SIL ask tell her that you don't fell to baby sit her daughter any longer as she (SIL) clearly have overstep a boundary implying you have done something wrong to your niece.

DGPP · 03/03/2024 20:35

You’ve done nothing wrong! Don’t apologise, she is batshit

ThePenguinIsDrunk · 03/03/2024 20:35

Yeah, she's a bit OTT. I couldn't imagine this ever being a problem in the circumstances you're describing.

5128gap · 03/03/2024 20:37

PeggySooo · 03/03/2024 20:15

I wouldn't have done it, not because I think there's anything wrong with it, but because I just would have anticipated this kind of reaction as some people are weird.
The fact you change her nappy makes the reaction even weirder from SIL though.
I'd not be helping her out again she could get fucked. The undertones of what she's trying to suggest would make it difficult for me to speak to her again tbh.

Edited

Same. To accuse someone of crossing boundaries when it comes to the personal care of a child is about a serious as it gets. Without a satisfactory explanation of what she meant, full assurance that she was not suggesting any impropriety on my part, and an apology, I couldn't come back from this.

DisabledDemon · 03/03/2024 20:37

A while? How gracious of her! I’d wait for her to contact you (and she will as it will occur to her how convenient it was to have you babysitting for free) and then say, ‘Hmmm, I don’t know. Given how unpleasant you were before, I think you should just fuck right off. Go and pay someone to look after your child’.

Scaffoldingisugly · 03/03/2024 20:37

Did you use the word bath or wash op? Maybe she has visions of her precious dd whirling round your machine on a 30 wash on the fast spin?

BizzyLizzyandLittleMo · 03/03/2024 21:06

I would have asked her to explain why as you’re confused as to the issue.

BizzyLizzyandLittleMo · 03/03/2024 21:09

Oops posted too soon

Ask her what her issue was as
maybe having to put her reasons into words might make her realise how crazy she’s being

MollsDolls · 03/03/2024 21:11

OFFS....You see this is what is so bloody wrong with this world now.

majorkira · 03/03/2024 21:13

That's awful I'd be so grateful to you for this and in deed all your help you did nothing wrong

cremebrulait · 03/03/2024 21:20

She is special !!

she's crazy love and hip hop GIF by VH1
Sennelier1 · 03/03/2024 21:21

I don't know what boundery your SIL is talking about. If and when young children are in my care I will change their diapers, clean/wash them, and if needed bath them. I have done so even with the children of close friends and never have had such a reaction. I agree bathing a child is an act of intimacy but so is changing diapers or settling for naptime.

IsThisOneAvailable · 03/03/2024 21:28

Please don't apologise to her as some suggested. If anything, SIL owes you an apology.

As you say, you regularly change her nappy and perform intimate cares. Unless sil can provide context for her sudden change, she definitely is ott

Lilysienna1 · 03/03/2024 21:30

The only thing I can think of is if they use certain bath products for either sensitive skin or maybe ethical reasons… I’m clutching at straws a bit tbh, because you would probably know this kind of info already but it’s all I can think of. And, anyhow, her response in batshit anyway even if that was the case.

Original poster
Glass113 · 03/03/2024 21:34

So to update, DH met up with his brother today. BIL said that SIL came home upset Friday and told him what had happened. Apparently BIL told her it wasn't a big deal and nothing to worry about. He wasn't aware that she text me Saturday and said no more babysitting.

BIL said oh it will just blow over but DH told him that I wouldn't be comfortable babysitting regularly anymore and would just be in emergencies etc.

This all must have got back to MIL who rang me earlier and asked me to just apologise to avoid any tension in the family. I said if SIL wants to ring me then I'm happy to chat about it and put it behind us. I haven't heard another peep from SIL.

OP posts:
Sunnydays0101 · 03/03/2024 21:35

Don’t apologise, you’ve no need to.