To have bathed my niece?

[Glass113]

I babysit my toddler niece regularly as I don't work Fridays and have a daughter around the same age so they play together and generally have a nice time. Niece has never stayed over as SIL doesn't like being away from her overnight.

Yesterday I had my niece and SIL was working later than normal so picked her up about 6:30.

We baked and decorated cakes in the afternoon and naturally both kids had flour, icing and whatever else all over them and in their hair etc so I put them both in the bath and washed their hair. I popped my niece in a pair of my daughters pj's.

When dear SIL arrived I explained they'd got a bit messy so I'd bathed and changed her. She didn't say much and left quite quickly.

I've had a text this morning saying she doesn't want me to babysit again for a while as I've crossed a boundary bathing her child and she would never dream of bathing a child that wasn't hers.

I am mortified and devastated to be honest. Did I really do such a terrible thing?

Awww you were so kind to dO that and I bet the girls loved it…
maybe she has issues unknown to you - hopefully she will trust you to have her again - I hope so xxx

Awful for you - your sil is a silly woman…. I would find it hard to forgive this - what is she implying?

She is being weird. I am actually surprised that this is the first time you have had to give her a bath.

I think she's sensitive about the fact you are looking after her daughter and responding to her needs, not her and feeling guilty. Taking it out on you.

YANBU, if they were older and you didn’t need to change nappies I’d have a bit more understanding for the SIL as some parents due to their own history have very high walls around their children.

Some people are very precious about anyone seeing their child in a state of undress such as nappy changing or bathing. I'm presuming if she had a nappy poop explosion you'd have done similar anyway. She is being VERY unreasonable. It's lovely if cousins have a bath together.

Your behaviour has been considerate and generous. Your SIL is stark raving bonkers to put it kindly.

Your sister’s mental.

I don't think you've done anything wrong per se but in this day and age (and with so much focus on safeguarding for children) it's always wise to text or call the parent of the child first to check it's ok.

she bonkers

baths are a great play activity for toddlers.

@Moveoverdarlin Absolutely brilliant response! I'd definitely go with that!
I used to have my godson during the day a lot, from being a small baby, up til the age of 5 and sometimes overnight. I always bathed him and got him into fresh nappy and pyjamas for his mum, she was eternally grateful that I'd saved her a job! Like I assume most mums would, after a long work day. Your SIL sounds ungrateful as well as unreasonable OP! Definitely send a response that you're offended, she needs to know!

This.
if someone is particular about who bathes their child they have that right, even though you might not have done something wrong in your eyes.
just apologise

YANBU - either your SIL trusts you to care for her daughter or she doesn't, but if she has certain boundaries then she needs to make them clear before any issues come up, not after the fact.

I regularly look after my nieces and nephews, along with my cousin's children and I think nothing of putting them in the bath if they need it. I don't have a toddler any more but as all of my nieces and nephews visit and sleep over at my home regularly, I always have spare clothes/PJs for them to change into. If they've had a particularly messy painting session, the little ones have really enjoyed their spaghetti bolognese or we've got really muddy on our walk through the woods next to my home then I think nothing of sticking them in the bath and putting on a new set of clothes/PJs so I can put their dirty stuff in the wash and have them washed/dried before home time (or at least washed so that their parents can decide whether they want to leave them for the next visit or take them home to hang up to dry).

That is very strange.

You have done nothing wrong. I would have been pleased you bathed her instead of handing her over with sticky and dirty hair.
Bye bye free childcare!

If the girls get messy after playing does she expect her daughter sitting messy for the rest of the day?
It's like saying she can't play.
Anyone looking after a child has responsibility to keep or make them clean. Eg schools have spare clothes, knickers etc.
She needs to wobble her head.

Wow. I would have been so
pleased you’d gotten her all ready for bed!

Are you female?

Just wondering how your DH got on when he visited with his brother today @Glass113 ?

She sounds like the kind of person who moans about the lack of "village" and ignores the fact that she's the one who has pushed the village away

No and most people
would
be grateful you have saved them the hassle
there’s clearly an underlying issue with SIL

I would certainly not be apologising. In fact I'd be asking her to clarify exactly what her she meant by 'crossing a boundary'. Because its very easy to throw that out as a sound bite, but people need to be very clear what they are actually accusing other people of when it comes to children. I'd be asking her directly if she considered me bathing her child to place her child at risk.